Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 07/26/2002 7:28:54 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
I need big, Joe. Big Mug. But I like your cup so I will use it. How's that? :)
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They set down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk.
After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. It's cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American Dachshund----but when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of his dog.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like weenie dog."
Oh HECK no.
Neither one of my girls go less than 120 lbs anymore. It's all I can do to take both of them on together, and I have to cheat to do it. (I know their ticklish spots and they don't know mine)
hehe! So glad you liked it! I thought I had "killed the thread!"
YES! I want that one!!!! What a sweetie!!
Ailing Man Sues Fast-Food Firms (Want a class-action lawsuit with that burger? An Even Dumber Fast
I've been shouting out to the non smokers that the attack on smoking is only a starting point for the busybodies - so this thread jumped out at me.
I was going to flag a lot of you from the lounge to it, but you bloodhounds were already there when I read it!
I'm against banning things in general, but maybe we can hang this sign in the lounge, if it is not too, you know, intolerant
Hey Jow, how bout a Corona with a slice of lime?
She said, "Hello, darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. But, I don't want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or worse. I want to know all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z !' The voice on the other end of the line said, "That's a very unusual request....What is the patient's name and room number ? "
She said, 'Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.' He said, 'Finkel, Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber, Finkel. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o' clock.'
The woman said, 'Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh, thank God! Her test came back normal, she's getting off the heart machine in a couple of hours you say. Oh! that's fantastic, darling! And she is being released tomorrow at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that! . . . That's wonderful news!'
The man on the phone said, 'From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!'
She said, 'What close family or friend? I'm Sarah Finkel in 302 ! Cohen my doctor tells me nothing."
She's adorable. It would be fun having a little kid around like that, but I'm not sure if I would be in for the long haul today. ~whew
I have a green iguana who is like a 4-year-old boy, and he keeps me hopping!
A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet
store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a
guarantee that the parrot would talk.
She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she
returned to the store very disappointed.
"The parrot doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a mirror?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a mirror."
So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's
cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a ladder?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a ladder."
So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage.
Another week and a half passed and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a swing?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a swing."
So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week
and a half later she returned. She was furious! The store
owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"
"No!, he died."
"Oh, that's terrible. Did he say anything before he died?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"
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