Trump To Secure Strait Of Hormuz By Posting Old Man Who Asks You 3 Questions Before You May Pass

The Bee ^ | Jul 15, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

DOHA — With the U.S. blockade of the important waterway back on amid renewed hostilities in Iran, President Donald Trump announced that he would secure the Strait of Hormuz by posting an old man who asks you three questions before you may pass.

The old man, who was reportedly discovered by U.S. military officials as he guarded a rickety bridge over a chasm in rural Britain known as the Gorge of Eternal Peril, will now be stationed on a dinghy in the Strait of Hormuz, where he will bar the passage of any vessel unless its crew can answer three questions.

"Who would cross the strait must answer me these questions three," the old man was overheard saying to an approaching ship. "Ere the other side he see."

Though details remained murky, reports indicated that the questions were "What is your name?", "What is your quest?", and a third question that varied between the interrogatee's favorite color, the capital of Assyria, and the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Anyone who failed to accurately answer all three questions was reportedly hurled through the air to an unknown location. President Trump was confident that the old man would keep the strait secure.

"Great guy, beautiful guy," Trump told reporters. "He's been doing this a long time, from what I've been told. Asking questions. And you better have the right answers. If you don't, you're toast. I met him. He asked me the questions, and I got all of them right. But not Dan Scavino. He got one wrong and was thrown somewhere. We don't know where. We're looking for him."

At publishing time, the old man had reportedly been defeated by a passing vessel after it answered his question about the velocity of an unladen swallow by asking him whether the swallow was African or European.

[dayglored]

Monty Python, of course

[dfwgator]

African or European?

[fidelis]

"...But not Dan Scavino. He got one wrong and was thrown somewhere. We don't know where. We're looking for him."

[hanamizu]

There are some who call him Tim.

[faithhopecharity]

or perhaps 3 honeycakes for Cerberus?

[BenLurkin]

Questions For A Corpse (You only get five)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXJo4PoMQRM

[rlmorel]

Hahahaha! That is just awesome!!!

[left that other site]

Lately I’ve been noticing that young people don’t “get” my Monty Python references.

They look at me with blank expressions.

They’re the same blank expressions I get when I quote Moby Dick, or Shakespeare, or The Bible.

It makes me sad.

The real “looks” I got were when I spontaneously launched into “The Spanish Inquisition” Sketch.

Oh My Goodness!😲

[BenLurkin]

[dfwgator]

They look at me with blank expressions. They’re the same blank expressions I get when I quote Moby Dick, or Shakespeare, or The Bible.

[left that other site]

Perfect meme!

[KarlInOhio]

I would rather have Tim the Enchanter.

[dayglored]

> The real “looks” I got were when I spontaneously launched into “The Spanish Inquisition” Sketch.

That's because No One Expects The Spanish Inquisition. :-)

[left that other site]

Well, our chief weapon is fear and surprise...

[Nateman]

[left that other site]

It might amuse you, as it did me, that on a Lecture about the Spanish Inquisition on YT, the Professor (Gordon Conwell Seminary) showed that sketch with the comment:

“Let’s get this out of the way first.”

LOL!

I didn’t expect that!

[dayglored]

LOL Perfect!!

[left that other site]

The Professor is Ryan Reeves, and he’s very good, from a Reformed Protestant perspective:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ryan+reeves+gordon+conwell

Church History is a tough Topic, and he handles it well.

[Zathras]

Q: “Where is John Podesta?”
Q: “Where is Valeri Jarrett?”
Q: “Where is Eric Holder?”

[Sacajaweau]

My grand kids don't believe I had an inkwell and steel nibbed pen.

And they say....Who's Loretta Young??