8 Perfect New Jobs For Tim Walz

The Bee ^ | Jan 7, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

With the announcement that he is withdrawing from the Minnesota governor's race, Tim Walz is on the hunt for a new career. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of jobs he'd be absolutely fabulous for:

1. Learning Center Director: These have flourished into multi-billion-dollar businesses under his watch.

2. Chief counselor at the "Pray Away The Straight" camp: What a perfect fit.

3. One of those wacky inflatable tube men at a car dealership: He's already doing the motions. Might as well get paid.

4. Supervisor of the tampon dispenser at a men's correctional facility: He's the world's foremost expert on stocking feminine products in masculine spaces.

5. Head coach for the Minnesota Vikings: Run that pick-six, Timmy.

6. Member of the Village People: He would reportedly prefer to be the one who wears leather chaps.

7. Perverted uncle impersonator: It's a niche market, but who could be better?

8. President of Somalia: A natural transition.

Ol' Tim is certain to land on his feet somewhere. What other jobs would be perfect for him?

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; corruptpoliticians; minnesomalia; presidentofsomalia; satire; somalisota; timwalz; walz; walzingmaduro

[dayglored]

First prize to whomever produces a meme of Walz in the leather chaps.

[BenLurkin]

Figured him for a Furry.

[piasa]

That should be Learing Center Administrator

[Tell It Right]

Other jobs for Tampon Tim:

9. Food taster for Willie Brown. Tim knows the kind of word salad women that Willie likes.

10. Toilet cleaner for the VP residence. Tim always was behind Vance in the ratings.

11. Genetic tester for determining COI -- the inbreeding coefficient -- among Minnesomalians -- I mean Somalian refugees who're are staying temporarily for 40+ years.

12. Solar panel cleaner. We can't save the world from our carbon sins with 51" of snow falling on Minneapolis every year unless someone gets that filthy snow off our clean power solar panels.

[rangerX]

In-flight missile repairman

[dayglored]

> Figured him for a Furry.

I figured him for an ultra-submissive, who puts on a dog mask, collar, harness, and chain, and gets led around and whipped by a dominatrix. Like, say, his wife. She looks like the type, just put a whip in her hand and she's good to go...

[Frank Drebin]

Prison piñata.

[17th Miss Regt]

She looks a lot like Nanzi Pelosi...

(Oops! Sorry about unjustifiably assuming the gender.)

[mund1011]

That pic gives me a creepy pelosi vibe.

[NorthMountain]

She looks astonishingly like Nancy Pelosi ....

[Kudsman]

13). Vanity license plate manufacturer

[StAnDeliver]

Clue Livestreamer: Weirdo Son, in the Kitchen, with a Candlestick

[Jewbacca]

I’m thinking:

1. Prison laundry
2. Prison kitchen
3. Bitch
4. Prison janitor
5. Bitch

[Jewbacca]

She looks like the Mrs. Potato Head version of Nancy Pelosi.

[Jewbacca]

Probably the same surgeon

[CodeToad]

Dragqueen story time reader.

[left that other site]

Gak! She must have nanzi Pelousi’s Plastic Surgeon!

[MayflowerMadam]

Ballerina? (I can’t find that meme of him in a tutu — drat!)

[NorthMountain]

Eons ago, I was sitting in a bar in Manhattan Beach, just off the beach, drinking and watching the passers-by on the concrete “boardwalk”. I kept seeing the same girl skate by ... very pretty: perfect bosom, perfect face, perfect legs ... but different color hair ... it finally sunk it to my slightly beer-addled brain that it was NOT the same girl. It was a bunch of different girls with the same plastic surgeon ....

[Organic Panic]

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