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Taylor Swift Assures Travis Kelce That New Song 'Dumb Hairy Football Jock' Isn't About Him
BabylonBee.com ^ | Oct 3, 2025 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/04/2025 3:28:28 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum

LEAWOOD, KS — Following the release of her new album, singer-songwriter Taylor Swift reportedly sat down with her fiancé, football star Travis Kelce, to assure him that her hit new song "Dumb Hairy Football Jock" was not about him.

"Don't be silly. It's about some... other... dumb hairy football jock," Swift said. "I mean, not other as in, you are also a dumb football jock, just... look, it's not about you, okay?"

According to inside sources, Kelce remained unconvinced as the lyrics to the song directly reference a fight they had months ago, and the jock in the song is called the "chief of all football jocks" and said to be "wound too tight", possibly referencing his role as the starting tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs.

The Life of a Showgirl officially dropped at midnight and has already shot to the top of streaming music charts, with the song "Dumb Hairy Football Jock" currently rated number one on iTunes. Whether the song is about him or not, half the world already thinks so.

"I'm hairy and I play football, but I'm not dumb. I know what the isosceles of a triangle is. No one else in the world knows that," Kelce said. "So if this song is about me, then it's a bad song. Because I'm smart. I know stuff."

At publishing time, Taylor Swift also assured her fiancé that the song "Bad Taste Fiancé" has nothing to do with him or his wardrobe.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; taylorswift; thelifeofashowgirl
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1 posted on 10/04/2025 3:28:28 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Love it!


2 posted on 10/04/2025 3:29:13 PM PDT by rlmorel (Factio Communistica Sinensis Delenda Est.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

3 posted on 10/04/2025 3:29:59 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (Je suis Charlie Kirk.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
wonder what the breakup song will be like...

loser bruiser...outa my bed...outa my head...

4 posted on 10/04/2025 3:32:28 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Any guy that listens to Taylor Not So Swift is either a fruitcake or Lame-O-Rama or both.


5 posted on 10/04/2025 3:33:01 PM PDT by HighSierra5 (The only way you know a commie is lying is when they open their pieholes.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Sure Jan.

Taylor will never get married. Guaranteed.


6 posted on 10/04/2025 3:33:52 PM PDT by moviefan8
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To: HighSierra5

I plan on listening to her new album constantly once it comes out on 8-track.


7 posted on 10/04/2025 3:34:21 PM PDT by shelterguy
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

oouuu, he’s due.


8 posted on 10/04/2025 3:38:50 PM PDT by citizen (A transgender male competing against women may be male, but he's no man.)
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To: shelterguy

Yeah, man, they gotta bring back 8-tracks. And Asteroids.


9 posted on 10/04/2025 3:40:59 PM PDT by citizen (A transgender male competing against women may be male, but he's no man.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

This is song writing? Jimmy Webb weeps.


10 posted on 10/04/2025 3:44:10 PM PDT by FLNittany
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To: citizen

https://www.amazon.com/Arcade-Atari-Game-Station-Pro-2600/dp/B0BT36XWTS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2MT9S9OQ7S0TO&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.tx1dVoj-oLvf7cP3ra192bQ7jdGZfgL9bGBPF5TFfN9geYSG38UOMGE-YB74jQUDPGnxhpaoCgWYTFo3SJc1TstDsdJRvA1er2v_hg6Aq3TDSmk3mi9fLa9xAvjEulnCf-n9VqZ_Pf3lAKnAh2Yz6FjY8t3PUguxIpfEpeHQyMOfbIQqsXD-GfKaIEexkerFDYwaunG38KrwaQDyuDsUZw.KM_3bIy3eFiQgiyadl6PVsSVU7rvZESG4DS4oQi-nXg&dib_tag=se&keywords=play+asteroids&qid=1759617901&sprefix=play+asteroids%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-1


11 posted on 10/04/2025 3:45:56 PM PDT by MV=PY (The Magic Question: Who's paying for it?)
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To: citizen

8-Tracks pretend to avoid the Laws of Physics.

It eventually catches up with them.


12 posted on 10/04/2025 3:53:26 PM PDT by Paladin2 (YMMV)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Yawn


13 posted on 10/04/2025 4:36:03 PM PDT by South Dakota (Vance / Trump...2028 )
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Yeah, I saw it was the Bee, but I still had to see if those tracks were on the album. No, they weren’t.


14 posted on 10/04/2025 5:06:11 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (I pray that the sleeping giant has finally awakened and been filled with a terrible resolve.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

50 years into Travis and Taylor’s marriage. Phone rings

Travis “Honey hand me my football phone please”
Taylor “kiss my ass, I’m the star. Get it yourself “

And as Sonny and Cher said “The Beat Goes On”


15 posted on 10/04/2025 5:09:32 PM PDT by Equine1952 (MM1SS )
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To: Sacajaweau

The actor Cillian Murphy made news this week for some show he was on with ts. She was showing off her engagement ring and pics of his look as she did her thing went viral.

His look was as though he was thinking under some angst,

“I see a new album on the horizon...just gonna keep that to myself.”

LOL


16 posted on 10/04/2025 5:09:34 PM PDT by logi_cal869 (-cynicus the "concern troll" a/o 10/03/2018 "/!i!! &@$%&*(@ -')
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

She ssured him the new song shes working on, “Future Ex-Husband Douchebag” isn’t about him either.


17 posted on 10/04/2025 6:06:26 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: shelterguy

LOL. That is where I am in the 20th century.


18 posted on 10/04/2025 8:12:55 PM PDT by Retain Mike ( Sat Cong)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Cue Fredo Corleone:

“I’m not dumb, not like everyone says!...I’m smart!”


19 posted on 10/04/2025 8:24:51 PM PDT by OrangeHoof (Always spay or neuter your liberal.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

I worked for someone who was a RABID Taylor Swift fan. She was INSANE.

She was the nastiest b*tch I have ever encountered — and the irony is that all these idiot swifties tell themselves they’re pro-women, solidarity, and anti mean girls.

The truth is — they’re the biggest mean girls on the planet.

Even worse, she was a teacher in ESE at a local middle school — and she was milking the parents for all sorts of classroom donations on an amazon list that she’d use for her own gain. She’s VILE.

Thankfully, I no longer work with her. She blew her stack with me last year when she demanded, and I refused to discuss it with her, who I was voting for in 2024. Sick human being.

And a total Swiftie.


20 posted on 10/04/2025 9:12:54 PM PDT by Mermaid Girl
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