10 Best Reasons To Leave Islam For Christianity

The Bee ^ | Sep 9, 2025 | The Bee

[dayglored]

Converting to a different faith can be intimidating, but when the pros outweigh the cons, it can be totally worth it. You just have to be aware of the benefits of making the switch.

For any Muslims considering jumping ship, The Babylon Bee has put together the following list of the best reasons to leave Islam for Christianity:

1. Bacon: The list could end right here, and it would still be worth it.

2. Your wife can show her face in public without being stoned to death: Have you ever watched someone try to eat soup at a cafe while wearing a burqa? Not cute.

3. No more of those itchy explosive vests: A nice T-shirt is perfectly fine. And it won't kill you or anyone else.

4. Did we mention bacon?: Just making sure.

5. Ditch your AK-47 for a good ol' AR-15: Like all true Christians.

6. You can listen to Switchfoot instead of that creepy loudspeaker music telling you to pray: This is almost as good as the bacon one.

7. Replace your Quran with great Joel Osteen books: Still filled with false religion, but at least they're cheerful.

8. You can face any direction you want while praying: No more of this "bow toward the east" mumbo-jumbo.

9. 100% less murderous hatred: You'd be surprised at how much better life is when you're not being commanded to murder anyone.

10. Now you can actually have your sins forgiven by Jesus Christ the living Word of God and go to actual Heaven: A lot better than the alternative.

And those are just the tip of the iceberg! The benefits of converting to Christianity are too many to count.

[dayglored]

Wow, The Bee has outdone themselves. Bacon!!

[Psalm 73]

Bacon is great, but what meeting of Christians doesn’t involve brownies?

[EvilCapitalist]

Aren’t dogs haram in islam? Also wiping your ass with your hand can’t be a great feeling. (mental note: never shake hands with a muslim)

[woodbutcher1963]

Chris Tomlin and those young kids from Hillsong United have some catchy tunes.

[dayglored]

> Also wiping your ass with your hand can’t be a great feeling. (mental note: never shake hands with a muslim)

Ideally, ss I understand it, a Muslim uses the left hand for wiping, and the right hand for eating and shaking hands.

The punishment for thieves is to cut off one hand, thus forcing the thief to use the same hand for wiping as for eating. And shaking hands.

So before shaking hands with a Muslim, check to see that they have both hands, and shake the right one.

I am not Muslim, so my information is second-hand. So to speak.

[ChronicMA]

11) you won’t have to worry about your future

Once you are killed for leaving Islam, as a damned heretic, you will have no further worries

[woodbutcher1963]

12) wearing a pager won’t blow your balls off

[alstewartfan]

So, you prefer killing trees. 💩

[Telepathic Intruder]

Islam has 72 virgin ho’s waiting for you in the afterlife if you successfully martyr yourself. That might sound appealing to some, but keep in mind that there’s no bacon either.

[EvilCapitalist]

New trees can always be planted.

[alstewartfan]

Word to the wise: Never ever shake hands with a hook! 😱

[FatherofFive]

(mental note: never shake hands with a muslim)

The left hand is unclean poop hand. Never touch a Muslim with your left hand

[PeterPrinciple]

https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/muslim-people

all smiles

[crusty old prospector]

Boudin, pork chops, jalapeño sausage, pulled pork butts, tenderloin, pork rinds, tamales…

[dayglored]

> Islam has 72 virgin ho’s waiting for you in the afterlife if you successfully martyr yourself. That might sound appealing to some, but keep in mind that there’s no bacon either.

In the ~1400 years Islam has been active, all the available beautiful young virgins have already been assigned. As a result, current and future martyrs will have to make do with virgins that are, shall we say, not as appealing. Maybe think Helen Thomas, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, etc.

Also, there's no guarantee that the virgins are female. Take that into consideration...

[Dr. Sivana]

You can face any direction you want while praying: No more of this "bow toward the east" mumbo-jumbo.

Many Christian churches (Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, Orthodox) favor having churches "face east", as we are supposed to look for the return of Christ from the East. ( Matt. 24:27 For as lightning cometh out of the east, and appeareth even into the west: so shall the coming of the Son of man be.)

[Telepathic Intruder]

I tend to think that the failed martyrs, those that don’t rack up enough infidel kills before they bite it, end up being the virgin ho’s. Allah, who runs that big ho house in the sky, has them sex changed and given to the more successful martyrs, and probably passed around as well to make up for the likely shortage of them. Mohammed (piss on him) knew all this from his divine epileptic seizure dreams and probably decided not to give his jihadist followers the entire truth, lest they convert to something else.

[Redcitizen]

That’s some handy information.

[Tell It Right]

13) Your wife can drive so you can ask her to go buy your beer.

[alancarp]

I’ll just stick with these:
1. The Mohammed of Islam never actually existed.
2. The city of Mecca didn’t exist until at least a century after Mohammed was supposed to have lived.
3. Not only was the Koran neither God-given nor incorruptible (i.e., not a single word changed), but there’s around 30 versions of it with tens of thousands of differences between all versions. It also post-dates Mohammed by at least a century.

I know... I’m a killjoy for injecting a serious answer.