Posted on 03/13/2025 1:01:40 PM PDT by Category Four
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another unorthodox move highlighting his ability to think outside the box, President Donald Trump announced that he had secured a peace deal where Putin gets Ukraine on the weekdays while Zelenskyy gets Ukraine on the weekends and for two weeks during the summer.
The new deal came after years of brutal fighting and weeks of contentious Trump-brokered negotiations between Russia and Ukraine that had appeared to reach a stalemate.
"We brought both sides to the table and all parties have to give and take," said President Trump. "Putin gets Ukraine Monday through Friday, Zelenskyy gets weekends. And to make everything fair, Zelenskyy can get two weeks in the summer for a camping trip or any other family time he wants to do with Ukraine. It's a great deal. Everyone is happy."
White House sources hailed the settlement as a perfect accommodation for both sides.
"Look, these custody things happen all the time," Trump continued. "I've had two divorces myself and they always get settled like this. You have to share."
Foreign policy experts tried to explain to Trump that an entire country with millions of citizens and vast strategic resources caught up in a complex geopolitical rivalry between NATO and Russia was nothing like a custody case in a divorce settlement, but Trump stumped the experts by replying, "Why not?"
At publishing time, sources said Ukraine would have the right to choose whether it wanted to live with Putin or Zelensky once it got old enough.
Hysterical....best ever...I hope someone shows it to Trump.
In reality, I think the deal will involve a partition of Ukraine into two nations. The Eastern nation will be a Russian proxy but not technically part of Russia
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
So is Zelinsky the biotch?
Ukraine will always be that wayward, petulant, drug-addicted child until the lead addict is disposed of.
One of the great headlines.
Finally, someone is paying proper attention to Zelensky!
bee is great.thanks
I would only visitation for Zelensky if he takes regular drug tests and there is court supervision
Oh, that is TOO good!!!
Seems fair ;)
I think Babylon Bee is sometimes very funny.
But I’m not happy with the way one or two of their people treated Candace Owens. I don’t think they can justify the way they acted.
And a California family judge rules Ukraine will have to pay alimony support to Russia.
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