Posted on 01/05/2025 1:21:10 AM PST by Cronos
I am euphemistically known as a "solo ager," a 66-year-old child-free widower with no plans to seek another primary intimate monogamous relationship. I must admit that the term "solo ager" is preferable to the horrible designation made by other social scientists who refer to me as an "elder orphan." That phrase reeks of an aging Oliver Twist, developmentally frozen in the pain of abandonment and fear.
3 Steps for Successful Solo Aging 1. While You Are Healthy, Make Plans. Complete advance directives and designate a trusted health care proxy. Spell out personal wishes regarding medical treatment. Grant someone the power of attorney to handle legal and financial matters should the need arise. Inform those close to you about your designate to ensure as little misunderstanding as possible in the event of a crisis or emergency.
Talk to an elder care financial planner
2. Go Toward Others. Social science tells us there is great benefit in being social as we age. The impact of social distancing during the pandemic will be studied for years to come. Already, there is sound determination that the loss of broad interpersonal communities has undermined our collective sense of security and anchoring to day-to-day living.
The psychologist John Cacioppo, in his 2009 book "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection," reports that loneliness may have twice the impact on early death as obesity
3. Get Busy. Stay Physically Active.
(Excerpt) Read more at nextavenue.org ...
Yeah but all of the first steps he gives for successful again have to do with illness and death.
And those things are important but they don’t contribute to successful aging.
The person will be dead :) They won’t know.
Being social is important. A lot of people lost cognitive skills being home alone for so many months.
As for members of the opposite sex...my mom worked in some elderly living facilities...the people were still pretty competitent on their own and only need a little help.
She said they foold around like crazy! :)
I’m 56 and I have a sign that says “not now, I have a headache...and i’m the guy!! :)
Thanks. I would like to add the one of the greatest problems is younger people thinking u are not going to be around much long as if they know.
I plan to outlive all those young pricks. I also like to persecute their arrogance by reminding them that the day they were born there is a 100% probability they would die, gives them a moment of pause.
Would like to add one other thought, “do exactly the opposite of what people think u should do”!
LOL awesome
Learn to play an instrument well. Join a band. Go to church. Take classes. Enjoy solitude. Volunteer. Get an RV. Travel.
There’s a heck of a lot to do.
Yall lonely?
I’m not lonely.
Being alone is not the same as being lonely.
Too many people I’d avoid anyway.
Well, about 1/2 of those require money, so.....hehe
Loneliness is tough. For some, in extreme cases, it can feel like a darkness that becomes comfortable. It will lie to you. Tell you things like, “You don’t have to go out today...stay here with me...” At that point, it can feed off of you. It hates laughter. It must be killed. Being social is key. Get out, do volunteer work. Help others. We were all put here to help each other. And pray...He will help you.
Today’s generations will grow old with a phone in their hand or by then a brain implant and live with virtual friends not knowing real people actually exist and incapable of personal relationships let alone marriage.
I prefer the company of the wife of 52 years, we do everything together, planned everything well in advance and enjoy our 2 daughter’s and the grandkids...but we don’t interfere just offer advice and recommendations if asked.
I can do without socializing easily. Our retirement home is out of site by design. I prefer the wild animals to people.
A chosen aging solo, no family etc is self choice. So no sympathy for those who “choose” that path. Losing your spouse is a different story. Don’t wish that on anyone.
The pdunkin solution.
Find a nearby brewery where the locals hang out. Frequent the event nights - trivia, singo, etc. Even if you’re an introvert, you’ll get to know the regulars and have people to interact with on a regular basis. As a bonus, you get to sip on a couple of beers.
bkmk
Good article. I have been widowed for just a year now. I am following the advice by my nature and habits.
Just about every elderly married couple will be parted by death — the few exceptions will die in a common event.
I spend a lot of time with seniors, more than half of them widowed. I’ve heard their life stories multiple times. They’d rather talk about the past than the uncomfortable present, but when the present must be faced, there are basically two negative aspects. Their health, of course, which is generally deteriorating; and the emotional aspect of solitary aging.
This latter is, in a nutshell, that they are getting signals constantly, that they are irrelevant and ignorable. Their children, grandchildren, even their friends seem to have them in the rear-view mirror. Less frequently do they see their family and friends, and when they do — “no one listens.” What they say doesn’t matter. They, don’t matter anymore.
And you can suggest to them that they “remain involved” and have a social life and get out and DO things — it’s good advice to someone in their 30’s or 50’s. But when they’re elderly and infirm, when they can’t drive, walk far or long, or get through daytime without a nap — staying involved with others is advice that seems offhand and dismissive. It confirms their belief that you don’t really see them.
Excellent post.
Those that have very long lives end up attending a lot of funerals of their peers—on top of everything else.
At 0530, as I was poking the stove to life and adding a stick of wood, I wondered how far away is the time I would not longer be able to do that simple thing. I wonder that about a lot of things that have been familiar and savored routine for many years. Even if I had a lot more money I would probably choose not to do a lot or anything different but buy some help to keep things going when I can't. Within the span of my control I am content with life keeping it as uncomplicated as possible. I know I am never alone though but I am guilty to forget the company I have.
There are so many things to wonder and helplessly worry about in the wind down. Some you can do a little about but many are out of your control or even influence. We kids took care of Mom and Dad's pets until they died of old age, fire took care of the house and many of their things five years ago now. So many of us now though have nobody or few to follow us or to distribute our things to who even want them.
I spend most of my sleepless worry time about who is going to take care of my wife and my pets that outlive me. The cows will be sold, the farm liquidated but my pets have known nothing but this farm and me taking care of them. I miss the ones already gone but I figured I would outlive them, not so much with my young ones now. Silly I know but there it is, one of my biggest worries.
Not a pleasant thought this Sunday morning. There are better things to think on and the coming frigid weather to prepare for. Time to feed the critters, pack in some wood for the box and then Bible study. Phillipians 4 may be a good place for today though I try to read through and not skip around too much.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Pickleball
Bookmarked. This article seems written just for me (and my demographically aligned brothers out there).
I think that researching and identifying an interesting satisfying hobby when younger would help the segue into a solo life. One that can be done pretty much anywhere, and not dependent on weathers conditions, etc. Preferably a hobby that involves interacting with others who have the same or similar interests.
I will argue that you have a target on your back.......
There are tons and tons of widows. They’ll be coming after such a young man, only 66.
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