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Just about every elderly married couple will be parted by death — the few exceptions will die in a common event.

I spend a lot of time with seniors, more than half of them widowed. I’ve heard their life stories multiple times. They’d rather talk about the past than the uncomfortable present, but when the present must be faced, there are basically two negative aspects. Their health, of course, which is generally deteriorating; and the emotional aspect of solitary aging.

This latter is, in a nutshell, that they are getting signals constantly, that they are irrelevant and ignorable. Their children, grandchildren, even their friends seem to have them in the rear-view mirror. Less frequently do they see their family and friends, and when they do — “no one listens.” What they say doesn’t matter. They, don’t matter anymore.

And you can suggest to them that they “remain involved” and have a social life and get out and DO things — it’s good advice to someone in their 30’s or 50’s. But when they’re elderly and infirm, when they can’t drive, walk far or long, or get through daytime without a nap — staying involved with others is advice that seems offhand and dismissive. It confirms their belief that you don’t really see them.

I have seen the final round of life many times. It is almost always as you state with only a few exceptions. I pray I am one of the brave who does not fall to dread and fear of the inevitable, burden others with my fears borne of regret and somehow accept the end with grace. I also do not want to withdraw to remorse. I suppose the only people I have seen die gracefully are the ones who have managed to believe they are going to a better and permanent home.

In the group I have seen pass there was one fellow, a WWII Marine Aviator who flew at Guadalcanal and Pelilieu. I would go see him in his little apartment when I would visit my Momma at hers. I enjoyed so much knocking on his door, being bid in and watching him straighten and smile when I would say, "How are you doing Marine?" He was one who faced death bravely, talked about his life and accomplishment not boastfully but with pride and still wanted to give help to people like me who wanted to let some of his experience and wisdom rub off on me if only for confirmation. Jim was a wonderful man.

It is much easier to listen to someone who is still trying to serve than to someone who falls to remorse and wallowing in it. Few are brave enough to continue to think of others and a lot talk a good line until they are against the wall. Dad tried but he was too sick to go on, Momma did for as long as she could but Alzheimer's took her years before she passed so we just loved her as much and as long as we could.

“But when they’re elderly and infirm, when they can’t drive, walk far or long, or get through daytime without a nap — staying involved with others is advice that seems offhand and dismissive.”

And sick, in constant pain, can’t tend to your most basic needs, and no hope of recovery, does euthanasia make sense at that point?