Posted on 12/23/2023 8:13:11 AM PST by CFW
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a stunning miracle, congresspeople just emerged from negotiations over 2.3 trillion loaves and fishes, somehow turning the trillions of morsels of food into enough meals for just five people.
An exhausted Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) held up the small basket so crowds of unemployed citizens could witness perhaps the most historic event in the history of mankind, in which countless loaves and fishes given by those same citizens were magically transformed into, like, four or five measly meals.
"This is significant," noted a sweating Pelosi, surely weary after working nearly 40 hours per week for what must have felt like three weeks. "You won't find anyone in history who could pull off such a biblical feat." The representative from the utopian state of California then pulled from the basket a coupon for $5 off at Applebee's and held it aloft before the jobless masses.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
To revised downward.
One thing missing: Republicans bragging about how the Democrats demanded 3.4 trillion loaves and fishes and via sternly worded letters from McConnell and Graham were able to bargain it down to 2.3 trilliin.
And in an unrelated note, McConnell and Pelosi, beaming from ear-to-ear, announced that the major Chinese firm Babylon Oven and Ocean had announced a major new initial capital investment estimated at close to $1 billion in the United States. The firm will construct more than 50 warehouses and 100 retail sites in the first wave of new investment in California and 20 other states. Babylon Oven and Ocean is the largest provider of seafood and bakery goods in China and South Asia.
I look like a Cheshire Cat...
Government work at its finest.
Bwahahaha!
Halleleujah!
It’s fashionable to trash government spending on this forum (I have done it a few thousand times myself) but there is one thing government does right! Their surplus cheese is great! My next door neighbor welfare recipient used to give us some. It made great toasted cheese sandwiches
Another miracle, turning 40 million votes into 81 million.
“And the scribes, looking upon the scene, said to the people, you did not see that, and anyone who says they did is a liar and bears false witness, and serves the distant god Putin.”
“And Obama, coming upon a crowd of two thousand people, placed the spirits of two thousand pigs within them, and they stampeded to a polling station, and cast four thousand votes for Biden.”
“And again, a warm wind arose, and Obama, in the company of Algore, Kerry, and the maid Greta, said unto them, this is your fault, you drove your chariots, and caused this great heat to arise. And Obama lifted up his hand, and commanded the heat to disappear. Yet it did not and he was sore provoked, and went to take vengeance on those who lived peacefully in the suburbs.”
“And Biden said, let the people come unto me. And a great multitude, from the four corners of the world, appeared at his court, and clapped, and voted for him, some so overjoyed that they voted many times.”
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