Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

After Handgun Ban, Canadian Bandits Begin Politely Robbing Tim Horton’s With Finger Guns
The Babylon Bee ^ | June 6, 2022 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 06/07/2022 8:09:36 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

TORONTO—An embarrassing crime wave has taken Toronto by storm as criminals, emboldened by Canada's ban on handguns, have begun holding up businesses armed with nothing but finger guns. Tim Hortons, a popular Canadian cafe, is reportedly among the hardest hit.

Authorities confirm that the cashiers of Tim Hortons are routinely held at finger-point and forced to empty hundreds of dollars into cartoonish money bags. By the time police arrive on the scene the robbers are long gone.

"It's absolutely terrible," said Constable Evans. "Since these thieves are using finger guns there's no chance of them leaving additional evidence at the scene. No dropped weapons. No serial numbers are visible on security cameras. Nothing!"

The mayor of Toronto is advising citizens not to attempt defensive finger guns. "Don't stoop to their level," said Mayor Tory in a public address. "We don't want to make matters worse, eh?"

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau could not be reached for comment as he was in hiding again, though rumors indicate he may be requiring special licensing for the use of finger guns which his office believes will put an end to the violent crime spree.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Food; Humor; Miscellaneous; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: 2ndamendment; babylonbee; banglist; fingercontrol; fingerguns; guncontrol; justintrudeau; nra; pewpew; robberies; satire; secondamendment; timhortons

1 posted on 06/07/2022 8:09:36 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The okay sign can get someone killed.


2 posted on 06/07/2022 8:11:17 PM PDT by Born in 1950 (Anti left, nothing else.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Born in 1950

“You’ll shoot your eye out!”


3 posted on 06/07/2022 8:24:28 PM PDT by rockrr ( Everything is different now...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The sad part is, PRC (Politically Repressive Canada) is so screwed up, particularly under Prime Mistake True-dolt, I was 2/3 through the article before I checked to see if it was the Bee.
4 posted on 06/07/2022 8:24:34 PM PDT by A Formerly Proud Canadian ( Ceterum autem censeo Justinius True-dope-us esse delendam)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: A Formerly Proud Canadian

I got part way through it too, before I realized it was the Bee. I was about to suggest sensible finger control laws. 😀😃🤔


5 posted on 06/07/2022 8:48:13 PM PDT by Mark17 (Retired USAF air traffic controller. Father of USAF pilot. USAF aviation runs in the family )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

It’s a new meaning for “Giving someone the finger”!


6 posted on 06/07/2022 9:12:21 PM PDT by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper (Figures )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Reichsfurher Minime must be proud


7 posted on 06/07/2022 9:51:38 PM PDT by BigEdLB (Let’s go Brandon!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Not as dangerous as Pop Tarts with extended magazines.


8 posted on 06/08/2022 12:34:28 AM PDT by ClaytonForester
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

As usual, The Bee did it again! Thanks for my daily laugh...


9 posted on 06/08/2022 3:58:33 AM PDT by Deplorable American1776 (I'm the one trying to save American Democracy...Donald Trump 6/21 at the NCGOP convention! )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson