Posted on 05/13/2022 11:42:56 AM PDT by sodpoodle
You're An EXTREME Redneck When...
1) You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids
2) The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3) You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4) You think a woman who is out of your league, bowls on a different night.
5) You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6) Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7) You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8) Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9) Your junior prom offered day care.
10) You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'
11) You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13) You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14) One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15) You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16) You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17) You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
And in closing....
Two good ol' boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!
“Redneck and I were picking up beer yesterday morning at the grocery and he said it’s noon right? I said “close enough’”
That was feeling the coolers for the head Boat Trip and I was at the big-box store that every town has and I was a case of beer up on the counter and the lady said you can’t buy the beer until 8 a.m. it was 6 a.m. and I was filling coolers and we were getting on that boat at about 7 and we did not have any beer that day.
That’s the joke.
Thanks for the considerate reply.
I appreciate self deprecating humor. 9/11 wasn’t funny on 9/12. Anti white stereotypes aren’t funny now.
Are you local?
Cuz im afraid it gets much, much more redneck than eureka.
Or you arrive at a family funeral in a U-Haul truck.
I heard of a story of a fellow who was working on his roof. He tied a rope to the bumper of his pickup and the other end to his waist crossing the peak of the roof.
His wife got in the truck to go somewhere and raced off dragging her husband up the roof and then down the other side and onto the ground.
Talk about a bad day.
LOL!
I have seen that in deep East Texas.
Common thing.
Whoa!
“Honey, you shake and I’ll rattle, we’ll roll on down the line
We’re gonna forget all about the battle
It’s gonna feel so fine
‘Cause he’s the missing link, the kitchen sink
Eleven on a scale of ten
Honey, let me introduce you to my redneck friend”
- Jackson Browne
I'll do that right away, and DONATE too!
I love blogs, citizen journalism is the bestest ever!
Thus proving that you have the most biting yet ironic sense of humor on the whole site.
I’ve read through this whole thread and found the responses disgusting. I hope you keep posting your humor threads and don’t get discouraged by the jackass that started the criticism. Apparently they came on here just to stir up crap.
I live in Alabama... These folks exist.
This is your best post EVER!
Imagine my shock when I read this?
In kindergarten, when the teacher asked me where I lived, I could recite the address without skipping a beat, even though my mother changed addresses frequently, for reasons I never understood as a child. Still, I always distinguished "my address" from "my home." My address was where I spent most of my time with my mother and sister, wherever that might be. But my home never changed: my great-grandmother's house, in the holler, in Jackson, Kentucky.I made the mistake of attempting to attend college at Lee's Junior College, Jackson, KY. I should have known the game was afoot when I saw the forty-four magnum bullet holes in a steel outside door of the male dorm. The story was that it was done by the locals that hated outsiders, or it might have been that the single campus security guard, Dexter Turner, got drunk one night and was just being himself. One day I was taking my laundry to the local Washeteria and on thevery busy raised concrete sidewalk downtown, (if you could call one single street downtown) I saw a mother with three little children hand-in-hand in a row. What made it a surreal experience was the long barreled revolver in a tooled leather holster on her hip, tied down low in quickdraw fashion. In another instance, my sister's boyfriend driving an old Chrysler convertible was rammed a few times by a local in a pickup truck until he pulled over and was then pistol whipped for the fun of counting coup on a "dirty hippy."
Reading this from J. D. Vance ranks right up there with reading a few months ago that vaunted Governor Ron DeSantis taught for a year at a very small private boys school in Rome. GA where I grew up.
These odd little shades of degrees of separation amplify for me the certainties of my path through God's creation.
She was pretty cool. Had a barber chair in the main room of her trailer.
Like a woman can't lie to a man about her age? She said it so it must be true.
You think Manchester United means getting married in New Hampshire.
Being a Southerner I have no clue what y0ou mean by that and I do know that Manchester United is a Football club in the North of England.
I's your Yankeeness that I don't get.
My older brother was the one who milked the cow. We younger siblings would stand outside the gate of the milking shed watching him milk Daisy. Many times over the years he would use her teat like a squirt gun with deadly accuracy. Warm raw milk in the face isn't pleasant, but we always chanced it and came out on the short end.
= if you’ve ever had to climb a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor...
- if you named your son Dale, Jr. and your name’s not Dale. .
- if you ever mowed the grass and found a car
- If a cousin was born with more than 10 fingers and you said “Bubba is gonna be good at math”
- If you work all day with your shirt off, and so does your husband...
- If your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs
- If your wife has ever said: ‘Honey, Come move this transmission so I can take a bath’
- if the curtains in your truck are more valuable than the ones in your house...
- If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack
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