Posted on 03/28/2022 2:01:32 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Champion swimmer Lia Thomas (she/her) is constantly being asked by her teammates to open pickle jars, and it's reportedly causing a great deal of confusion. Thomas reports she has never been more distracted.
"I'm a teeny-tiny woman," said Thomas while effortlessly opening a pickle jar. "I don't know why they keep asking me to open these things. It's not like I'm biologically predisposed to being stronger."
"Lia, darling, can you open this jar of Vlasic for me?" asked teammate Annabelle Humphrey. "They say it's the tastiest pickle you've ever had and I've just gotta' know!"
Thomas has reportedly been confused, not only by the fact a weak and timid woman keeps having to open pickle jars but also by her team's sudden obsession with pickles.
"They don't taste that good," Thomas said. "I'm opening a dozen pickle jars a day. It's ridiculous."
Lia Thomas's swim game has been negatively impacted by the constant pickle distraction. Her last freestyle competition had her come in a full half-second slower than previously.
Her coach was distraught. "Lia almost won by less than 3 seconds. Embarrassing!"
Sources confirm she's also been asked to reach items from high shelves and clear backed-up toilets.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Lol. I thought this was real. Or hoping..
He's going to go blind if he keeps that up.
Gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette, bray. Search your heart. You know it to be true.
Lia Thomas would make a GREAT spokesperson for Subway samimch Shops
bwahaha- and they said “pickle”
Is the ability to parallel park that critical a skill, at the end of the day, in the whole grand scheme of things?
Surely its worth losing that insignificant talent for the joy of becoming what you were meant to be.
Wait...there’s also the K-turn...did you think about K-turns? Giving up parallel parking AND the ability to do a K-turn? Collectively speaking, that might just be too great a sacrifice.
Parallel parking, K-turns...this business will get out if control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.
-PJ
When questioned, Thomas stated that she was the NCAA National Women’s Champion. And anyone who said otherwise could suck her. . . (evil grin)
Maybe “she” got some of them pregnant.
That Was Perfect !
Brad is caught off guard. ‘Who are you, how do you know my name?’
She says, ‘well, I know that I look different now, but I used to be your friend Steve. I had some procedures and now I am Deborah. I am transgendered.’ Brad is at once fascinated. Brad starts asking questions.
‘Well, what was the surgery like? Did it hurt when they cut off your penis?’ ‘Nah, that did not hurt.’ ‘Did it hurt when you had to take all of those hormone shots?’ ‘No, that did not hurt.’ Well, did it hurt when they did all that work on your skin to make your beard stop growing?’ ‘No none of that stuff hurt. Only one thing really hurt.’ ‘Really what was that?’ ‘ Well, the only thing that really hurt at all was when they drilled that hole in my head and sucked all of my brains out.’
I never lost in my adult life, and I wrestled in nearly every bar in that state that I ever went into, and in many other states... plus probably a hundred guys in the Army, etc.
Then one night, in my 30s, I met a guy in Davis, CA, who beat me. Couldn't believe it. So we wrestled again a few times and he never beat me again. Doesn't mean I beat him everytime afterwards, either; we had a number of draw matches. Anyhoo, we became friends and he suggested I go with him to the next big event. So I did, and lost, BIG! To a guy half my size.
There are some really strong guys in those things. But I never saw anybody with an outsized arm, lol. And I'm having a little trouble believing it, actually.
In any athletic competition I've ever seen, you have to have a well-rounded physique; e.g., the fastest runner in the world didn't just have big muscular legs and nothing else going for him, etc.
Wait until menopause hits him! lol
But then again, at least he won’t have any prostate problems! LMAO!!
Killing bugs and opening jars.
Good one, Bee!! 😂
My girlfriend opens pickle jars with her thighs.
I had a class in Jr High, it was a speech/drama class
The biggest jock football player was always disrupting class
A few weeks into the class the little teacher challenged him to an arm wrestling match with the stakes being he would shut up and try to learn, or an automatic A- and he did not have to even attend class....
ROTFL!
ROTFL!
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