Top 8 Reasons You Absolutely DON'T Need A Gun

The Babylon Bee ^ | November 26, 2021 | The Babylon Bee and Armslist.com

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Are you thinking about buying a gun? Ew. What's wrong with you? Gross! Just... ew. Guns are very problematic, and so are the people who use them. You don't need one. Here's why.

#1) You can always count on the police to protect you: That's just a fact. Police are proven 100% effective at protecting innocent people!

#2) There's no evidence to suggest the government would ever overstep and try to take away your rights: A government has literally never done this. Don't be so paranoid!

#3) Guns make journalists wet their pants: If you live near a journalist and he hears you own a gun, he may wet his pants. You don't want something like that on your conscience.

#4) Guns are NOT cool and awesome and fun to shoot and useful for protection: Just trust us on this. We're journalists.

#5) Criminals have guns and use them to do bad things: You don't want to be like a criminal, do you?

#6) Nobody's going to break into your house when there's plenty of free stuff to loot at Target: Relax. Seriously.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Guns are icky-poo.

/sarc

[throwthebumsout]

Ew.

[dsrtsage]

Normally I would agree, but the homecoming queen has a gun, and I need to protect myself

[EQAndyBuzz]

“Normally I would agree, but the homecoming queen has a gun, and I need to protect myself”

I hate when that happens.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

#1) You can always count on the police to protect you.

Then why do they call themselves Law Enforcement Officers and not Citizen Protection Officers?

Because they enforce laws that are broken. That's phase two. Phase one is to prevent the crime. That means citizens should arm themselves.

[al baby]

icky pew pew pew hey this chit is fun pew pew pew

[SES1066]

#3) Guns make journalists wet their pants: If you live near a journalist and he hears you own a gun, he may wet his pants.

Ah-hah, it now becomes clear why New York City has such stringent laws against guns, there would be major flooding around the New York Times HQ on a daily basis! Stores would run out of adult-size diapers and the supply chain can't handle that!

[newbie 10-21-00]

Just saw this episode: No soup for you!!

[Pajamajan]

1 reason you DO need a gun: Australia

[Vigilanteman]

There is an element of truth to #6, as long as the local Target remains stocked and open. What criminal wants your used stuff when they can score new?

[Dead Corpse]

It’s a good thing I lost all of mine in that tragic boating accident...

[BipolarBob]

My wife said I could buy a gun but not an Ar-15. So I bought the much more petite less threatening AR-10.

[Red Badger]

I lost my boat in a tragic gun accident!...............

[Red Badger]

Ak-47 .....................

[FatherofFive]

#9 Guns, other than the muskets that existed at the time, are unconstitutional! You don't want to be unconstitutional, do you?

Somebody actually said that on the Chris Plante show yesterday

[Ken H]

T-shirt at a recent gun show I attended =>

“My wife said she’d leave me if I bought a gun. I sure will miss her.”

[Dead Corpse]

In Russia, boat loses you.

[Who is John Galt?]

#3) Guns make journalists wet their pants: If you live near a journalist and he hears you own a gun, he may wet his pants.

Ah-hah, it now becomes clear why New York City has such stringent laws against guns, there would be major flooding around the New York Times HQ on a daily basis!

That might have been true, a hundred years ago, when the New York Times actually employed journalists. Now that all of the journalists have been replaced by Democrat party PR flacks, I'm not sure if that still applies...

;>)

[Billthedrill]

That’s only two-thirds of an AR-15. She should be happy with you!

[mcshot]

You did good BiBob.