Posted on 11/19/2021 11:21:46 AM PST by Pollard
KENOSHA, WI—As the Rittenhouse trial drew to a close, Antifa rioters were preparing their violent destruction of the city. But their plans were quickly foiled as Rittenhouse emerged from the courthouse a free man, AR-15 in hand.
"The jig is up! Scatter!" cried the terrified commie waifs as they skittered toward shadowy alleyways like cockroaches. "The Rittenhouse has returned! Judgment is upon us! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
Rittenhouse then appeared to descend the courthouse steps in slow motion, surrounded by a flock of doves and a heavenly golden light. At the terrifying sight, hundreds of Antifa fairies and murderous pedophiles shrieked in terror like a den of goblins, crawling into various holes and cracks in the earth.
"Waaaaaaaaa!" Cried the prosecuting attorneys, knowing their career was over forever. "We're ruined! Ruined by the unstoppable power of Kyle Rittenhouse!"
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
He's still got 2/3 of a magazine left
The last paragraph made me laugh out loud.
“Sources say that once Rittenhouse has completed his task of purging the land of evil and wickedness, he will return home to his mother, who confirmed he is grounded for a week.”
H’mmm, photo shows him with several M-79 “blooper” rounds on his lower ammo belt, but his M-16, doesn’t have the launcher for them.
Conservatives have a sense of humor.
Socialists, on the other hand, have a universal sense of terminal outrage.
In the pic, Rittenhouse is carrying rounds for either a M203 or M320 yet his AR has neither attached.
If only...
That photo is priceless!
Best damn parody news site ever.
May it be so.
Wokies are brokies.
Good one Bee!
In all seriousness, I hope they’ve got a damn good plan to keep him safe now.
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He’s still got 2/3 of a magazine left
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HAHAHA Oh dear
SUPA-Kyle! :)
7.62 milimeter Full Metal Jacket!
“This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. ... My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.”
The only thing I would love more than this would be if it was reality instead of satire.
Would have been better if it were a Gatling gun.
Based on demonstrated performance, that's enough for four more pedophiles and/or thugs who beat women. He needs to carry at least a couple spare magazines in the future.
This is a really well done article. Congratulations, SB.
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