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Top 10 Reasons You Should Just Turn Your Guns Over To The Government TODAY!
Babylon Bee ^ | 7/26/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/27/2021 9:54:50 AM PDT by BipolarBob

So, you still have guns in your house, huh?

First of all, shame on you. Second of all, we realize you may be slightly hesitant about just turning them all over to the government, so we put together a list of reasons (out of the hundreds of reasons) you should just turn in your guns right now. Read and learn, you bitter clinger!

1) The government is very trustworthy and would never hurt anyone: Also, they have nukes. Resistance is futile. Just hand 'em over!

2) With your gun safe empty, you now have a neat place to hide when robbers break into your home: Let your gun safe keep YOU safe! As an added bonus, you can now use your gun safe to store all your surgical masks and vaccination cards!

3) Instead of shooting clays on Thanksgiving, you can play great games with your family, like Monopoly: Nothing brings a family together like Monopoly!

4) The government needs your guns so they can shoot people trying to sell loose cigarettes: Donate your firearms to the noble cause of fighting the evil forces trying to sell untaxed cigarettes to people who can't afford a full pack!

5) You can spend the time you used to spend at the gun range educating yourself: With time, maybe you can learn to be less problematic.

6) The government will donate your guns to a noble cause: Like drug cartels and insurgents in the Middle East. Think of how much good your gun could be doing right now in the government's hands!

7) You can rest assured knowing that criminals will turn in their guns too: Criminals always do the right thing when given the chance.

8) Now you can defend your home with a cool spiked mace and broadsword: Come on—who doesn't want to do this? Turn in your gun and defend your home like a REAL man.

9) You'll be a rich man not having to buy ammo: Aren't you tired of getting in fights with your wife about how much you spend on guns and ammo? Plus, you'll have more money to spend on masks!

10) What's the worst that could happen? Just give it a try! Could be fun, actually!


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; banglist; satire
Ten pretty convincing reasons to just turn them over. It was the spiked mace and broadsword that did it for me.
1 posted on 07/27/2021 9:54:50 AM PDT by BipolarBob
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To: BipolarBob
The Bee never fails to amuse.

Even if I don't find the idea of turnig over my guns to ANYONE amusing/
2 posted on 07/27/2021 10:03:25 AM PDT by LIConFem (Read up on Russia's Oct, 1917 Revolution... And prepare.)
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To: BipolarBob

off topic- but hope you don’t mind? Was from a gab post i saw earlier. If you mind, I’ll ask mod to remove-

Totals of ballots with ONLY Joe Biden’s name marked on them, and noone else-

Pennsylvania 98,000
Georgia 80,000
Arizona 42,000
Michigan 69,000-115,000
Wisconsin 62,000


3 posted on 07/27/2021 10:07:23 AM PDT by Bob434
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To: Bob434

Please keep posting!

THIS is why the “C” Word is being tossed about 24x7x365.

THE STOLEN ELECTION!!!!

THE COUP!

Never give up!!!!


4 posted on 07/27/2021 10:10:22 AM PDT by gathersnomoss (LIVE FREE)
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To: BipolarBob

I admit to having 4 machetes in strategic locations and numerous knives within reach.


5 posted on 07/27/2021 10:11:20 AM PDT by MattMusson (Sometimes the wind blows too much)
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To: BipolarBob

This is a fun effort from the BB. They have been really good of late.

1) The government is very trustworthy and would never hurt anyone: Also, they have nukes. Resistance is futile. Just hand ‘em over!

Joe Biden and Eric Swalwell are going to nuke us!

2) With your gun safe empty, you now have a neat place to hide when robbers break into your home: Let your gun safe keep YOU safe! As an added bonus, you can now use your gun safe to store all your surgical masks and vaccination cards!

This one is really a two-parter, and both parts are hilarious. That bit about hiding in the empty gun safe is choice.

3) Instead of shooting clays on Thanksgiving, you can play great games with your family, like Monopoly: Nothing brings a family together like Monopoly!

Ugh. Too real. I HATE Monopoly. With my luck, if I proposed going shooting, I would end up doing that and then playing Monopoly.

4) The government needs your guns so they can shoot people trying to sell loose cigarettes: Donate your firearms to the noble cause of fighting the evil forces trying to sell untaxed cigarettes to people who can’t afford a full pack!

Would have been a spot for an Ashli Babbitt reference.

5) You can spend the time you used to spend at the gun range educating yourself: With time, maybe you can learn to be less problematic.

Awesome. Like read a book! It’s the Current Year!

6) The government will donate your guns to a noble cause: Like drug cartels and insurgents in the Middle East. Think of how much good your gun could be doing right now in the government’s hands!

They seem to be doing that without my guns, but it’s still a fine point.

7) You can rest assured knowing that criminals will turn in their guns too: Criminals always do the right thing when given the chance.

I love this one. It’s the kill shot against gun control, even “common sense” gun control. I have never heard a liberal face this one.

8) Now you can defend your home with a cool spiked mace and broadsword: Come on—who doesn’t want to do this? Turn in your gun and defend your home like a REAL man.

Okay, this actually would be cool if the criminals didn’t have guns. They do.

9) You’ll be a rich man not having to buy ammo: Aren’t you tired of getting in fights with your wife about how much you spend on guns and ammo? Plus, you’ll have more money to spend on masks!

My kids shoot up all of my ammo. They would probably find another way.

10) What’s the worst that could happen? Just give it a try! Could be fun, actually!

Fun? No. Exciting? Without question. Even with guns, things are about to get exciting.


6 posted on 07/27/2021 10:12:48 AM PDT by cdcdawg (It's all so tiresome.)
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To: BipolarBob

https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/3979409/posts


7 posted on 07/27/2021 10:14:22 AM PDT by ButThreeLeftsDo (The best things in life aren't things.)
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To: ButThreeLeftsDo

My search skills are poor. There has to be a search course somewhere. Maybe I’ll google it. I have failed again.


8 posted on 07/27/2021 10:16:40 AM PDT by BipolarBob (Whatever you do, do 100% . . . unless you're donating blood.)
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To: BipolarBob; Army Air Corps
10) What's the worst that could happen?

Best singled argument I have ever heard.

9 posted on 07/27/2021 10:18:44 AM PDT by KC_Lion
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To: MattMusson

What’s a good product to get blood stains out of wool carpet?


10 posted on 07/27/2021 10:19:16 AM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists Call 'em what you will, they all have fairies livin' in their trees)
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To: BipolarBob

I bought me a Roman Gladius at Atwoods several months ago. They thought it was a machete.
Looking at a battle axe and possibly a spear. At my age I might need it.

https://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/academy/20131767


11 posted on 07/27/2021 10:27:06 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar ((Democrats have declared us to be THE OBSOLETE MAN in the Twilight Zone.))
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To: BipolarBob

“Aren’t you tired of getting in fights with your wife about how much you spend on guns and ammo?”

Doesn’t happen at my house.

L


12 posted on 07/27/2021 10:29:15 AM PDT by Lurker (Peaceful coexistence with the Left is not possible. Stop pretending that it is. )
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To: BipolarBob

13 posted on 07/27/2021 10:39:48 AM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. P144:1)
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To: All


Click the Pic


Support Free Republic.
Become a monthly donor today.

14 posted on 07/27/2021 11:22:51 AM PDT by deoetdoctrinae (Gun-free zones are playgrounds for criminals.)
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To: BipolarBob

Seven hours & 11 minutes
https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/3979409/posts


15 posted on 07/27/2021 12:04:58 PM PDT by Paal Gulli
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To: Paal Gulli

Thanks for the link,
Meza’ has something,,,


16 posted on 07/27/2021 1:31:47 PM PDT by Big Red Badger (Be Still and Know that I Am God. Rev 19)
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