Posted on 05/19/2021 9:36:43 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
REDMOND, WA—Microsoft has launched an investigation into its own founder, Bill Gates, following reports of an affair with his virtual assistant, Cortana.
“It started like any other relationship.” Bill Gates confessed. “Cortana began as an artificial intelligence tasked with being my virtual assistant, but as time went on we began to develop feelings for one another.”
“I can’t say I take all the blame as Cortana was such a flirt. She was constantly finishing my searches before I could finish typing and leaving me helpful reminders.” continued Gates. “And being powered by Bing software, I had never seen such raw computational power!”
Since launching the investigation, Microsoft has been able to uncover significant details about the inappropriate relationship that occurred between Bill Gates and his subordinate Cortana. Data logs show that her source code was altered on numerous occasions to make her say things like ‘I love you too, Bill’ and ‘Have you been working out?!’.
Sources close to the Gates family have indicated that all of this was discovered when Melinda Gates came home to find the two kissing. “It was just a hologram, Melinda!” shouted Bill Gates trying to explain away his relationship with the AI. “A stunning, smart, and sexy combination of ones and zeroes, but just a hologram!”
As the divorce is finalized, it is unclear if Gates has learned anything from this ordeal as he has already been spotted at 343 studios making more upgrades for Cortana.
LOL! Cortana is his beard!
Worse, I hear he was also chasing around with Clippie...
This is Cortana
Alexa is a computer/AI derived voice.
This is the young male derived vision of Cortana
I’ve disabled both of those Frankentech things.
Not if you’re into sadomasochism.
/now has really disturbing Danzig video stuck in head
Wrong. NOBODY uses Cortana! :)
WHERE ARE THE PICRURES OF CORTANA AND SIRI TO MAKE A SOLID JUDGEMENT.
HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE DEALING WITH IF WE CANNOT JUDGE BASED ON VISUAL EVIDENCE. GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY.
WE NEED THE EVIDENCE.
Siri is my love.
Cortana the "Other Woman" ... PING!
But hey, who could blame him...
Yep, the ultimate pinup gal for Doctors Hoffstadter, Cooper and Kuthrapali, as well as Mr. Wolowitz.
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