Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

New Smart Thermostat Automatically Sets Temperature To Whatever Your Wife Wants
The Babylon Bee ^ | September 10, 2020 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/12/2020 4:50:42 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

U.S.—Pioneering smart thermostat company Matrimostat announced a brand-new thermostat that will automatically set the temperature to whatever your wife wants.

“The Matrimostat 2000 uses advanced quantum technology to identify your wife’s temperature preference before she even mentions it --often before she even knows it!” says CTO Ted Shmarmanarf. “It’s a lot more challenging than it sounds. Research showed that many women don’t know what they want until at least an hour after they wish it had already happened, so the thermostat had to be able to accommodate for that.”

"Now this is one smart thermostat."

Shmarmanarf says that the solution involved patented scanners that measure not only the temperature of the house, but also the behaviors and mood of the female spouse. The scanner identifies whether the matriarch has recently wrapped herself in a blanket, put on a jacket, or made herself some hot tea, and uses an advanced algorithm to incorporate those behaviors into its temperature adjustments.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Computers/Internet; Health/Medicine; Humor; Miscellaneous; Science; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: behavior; changingminds; humannature; marriage; matrimostat; matrimostat2000; men; needs; satire; thermostats; wants; women
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-32 next last

1 posted on 09/12/2020 4:50:42 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; JRios1968; ...

(Ducking)

DANG!


2 posted on 09/12/2020 4:51:44 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

So it changes several hundred times a day...

No thanks


3 posted on 09/12/2020 4:52:53 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not Averse to Going Bronson.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOL

The title alone made me laugh out loud.

No question that this one was satire.
Even if such technology did exist ... it wouldn’t work!


4 posted on 09/12/2020 4:55:28 PM PDT by TigersEye (In all things ... trigger discipline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Not possible. It would conflict with the Second Law of Thermodynamics - “When two initially isolated systems in separate but nearby regions of space, each in thermodynamic equilibrium with itself but not necessarily with each other, are then allowed to interact, they will eventually reach a mutual thermodynamic equilibrium.”


5 posted on 09/12/2020 4:55:44 PM PDT by abb
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Can it dump liquid nitrogen into the vents for those times when she gives you “The Look”, like when you’re flipping through the channels and you stay too long on women’s beach volleyball?


6 posted on 09/12/2020 4:55:51 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (In 2016 Obama ended America's 220 year tradition of peaceful transfer of power after an election.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The MTBF with your compressor, the heater, and the blower drops down to a few hundred hours but, the wife is happy!


7 posted on 09/12/2020 4:56:59 PM PDT by ocrp1982
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

So, it just adds 10 degrees to whatever I want?


8 posted on 09/12/2020 4:57:04 PM PDT by cdcdawg (Biden has dementia.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

That works


9 posted on 09/12/2020 4:58:25 PM PDT by HangnJudge
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: KarlInOhio
😂
10 posted on 09/12/2020 4:58:32 PM PDT by hawkaw
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

but can it prove it?


11 posted on 09/12/2020 4:58:45 PM PDT by dontreadthis (A TIMELINE OF TREASON on Profile Page)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Requires 500 teragigs of memory which costs $25,000


12 posted on 09/12/2020 4:59:46 PM PDT by bunkerhill7 (That`s 464 people per square foot! Is this corrrect?? It's NYC.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

If a man is alone in a forest, and his wife isn’t around to hear him, is he still wrong?


13 posted on 09/12/2020 5:00:03 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

It can never be too cold for me.


14 posted on 09/12/2020 5:00:53 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: abb

But it uses quantum technology, so if you inject some quantum particles into the wifey while other linked particles are in the air handler, she and the air handler will be able to keep up with her needs.


15 posted on 09/12/2020 5:01:14 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: TigersEye

LOL!


16 posted on 09/12/2020 5:01:32 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Secret Agent Man

Yep, hard to keep up with the Ol’ Lady.


17 posted on 09/12/2020 5:02:00 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
An excellent invention....domestic tranquility comes of such genius.
18 posted on 09/12/2020 5:02:17 PM PDT by Gay State Conservative (Thanks To Biden Voters Oregon Is Now A Battleground State!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The air goes on when it is over 80 and the heat goes on when it is under 50.

Which means that unless we are away during the winter the heat never goes on and the air comes on maybe twice a year.

Oh, no we do not freeze, we have a wood stove that keeps the house very cozy in the winter.

This wife wants to keep the utility bills as low as possible.

19 posted on 09/12/2020 5:07:47 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (And lead us not into hysteria, but deliver us from the handwashers. Amen!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: KarlInOhio

I get the Look when I stop the channel on women doing yoga.


20 posted on 09/12/2020 5:15:10 PM PDT by seawolf101 (Member LES DEPLORABLES)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-32 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson