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New Smart Thermostat Automatically Sets Temperature To Whatever Your Wife Wants
The Babylon Bee ^
| September 10, 2020
| The Babylon Bee
Posted on 09/12/2020 4:50:42 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
U.S.Pioneering smart thermostat company Matrimostat announced a brand-new thermostat that will automatically set the temperature to whatever your wife wants.
The Matrimostat 2000 uses advanced quantum technology to identify your wifes temperature preference before she even mentions it --often before she even knows it! says CTO Ted Shmarmanarf. Its a lot more challenging than it sounds. Research showed that many women dont know what they want until at least an hour after they wish it had already happened, so the thermostat had to be able to accommodate for that.
"Now this is one smart thermostat."
Shmarmanarf says that the solution involved patented scanners that measure not only the temperature of the house, but also the behaviors and mood of the female spouse. The scanner identifies whether the matriarch has recently wrapped herself in a blanket, put on a jacket, or made herself some hot tea, and uses an advanced algorithm to incorporate those behaviors into its temperature adjustments.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Computers/Internet; Health/Medicine; Humor; Miscellaneous; Science; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: behavior; changingminds; humannature; marriage; matrimostat; matrimostat2000; men; needs; satire; thermostats; wants; women
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To: 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; JRios1968; ...
2
posted on
09/12/2020 4:51:44 PM PDT
by
Tolerance Sucks Rocks
(The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
So it changes several hundred times a day...
No thanks
3
posted on
09/12/2020 4:52:53 PM PDT
by
Secret Agent Man
(Gone Galt; Not Averse to Going Bronson.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
LOL
The title alone made me laugh out loud.
No question that this one was satire.
Even if such technology did exist ... it wouldn’t work!
4
posted on
09/12/2020 4:55:28 PM PDT
by
TigersEye
(In all things ... trigger discipline.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Not possible. It would conflict with the Second Law of Thermodynamics - “When two initially isolated systems in separate but nearby regions of space, each in thermodynamic equilibrium with itself but not necessarily with each other, are then allowed to interact, they will eventually reach a mutual thermodynamic equilibrium.”
5
posted on
09/12/2020 4:55:44 PM PDT
by
abb
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Can it dump liquid nitrogen into the vents for those times when she gives you “The Look”, like when you’re flipping through the channels and you stay too long on women’s beach volleyball?
6
posted on
09/12/2020 4:55:51 PM PDT
by
KarlInOhio
(In 2016 Obama ended America's 220 year tradition of peaceful transfer of power after an election.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The MTBF with your compressor, the heater, and the blower drops down to a few hundred hours but, the wife is happy!
7
posted on
09/12/2020 4:56:59 PM PDT
by
ocrp1982
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
So, it just adds 10 degrees to whatever I want?
8
posted on
09/12/2020 4:57:04 PM PDT
by
cdcdawg
(Biden has dementia.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
To: KarlInOhio
😂
10
posted on
09/12/2020 4:58:32 PM PDT
by
hawkaw
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
11
posted on
09/12/2020 4:58:45 PM PDT
by
dontreadthis
(A TIMELINE OF TREASON on Profile Page)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Requires 500 teragigs of memory which costs $25,000
12
posted on
09/12/2020 4:59:46 PM PDT
by
bunkerhill7
(That`s 464 people per square foot! Is this corrrect?? It's NYC.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
If a man is alone in a forest, and his wife isn’t around to hear him, is he still wrong?
13
posted on
09/12/2020 5:00:03 PM PDT
by
dfwgator
(Endut! Hoch Hech!)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
It can never be too cold for me.
14
posted on
09/12/2020 5:00:53 PM PDT
by
dfwgator
(Endut! Hoch Hech!)
To: abb
But it uses quantum technology, so if you inject some quantum particles into the wifey while other linked particles are in the air handler, she and the air handler will be able to keep up with her needs.
15
posted on
09/12/2020 5:01:14 PM PDT
by
Tolerance Sucks Rocks
(The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
To: TigersEye
16
posted on
09/12/2020 5:01:32 PM PDT
by
Tolerance Sucks Rocks
(The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
To: Secret Agent Man
Yep, hard to keep up with the Ol’ Lady.
17
posted on
09/12/2020 5:02:00 PM PDT
by
Tolerance Sucks Rocks
(The Constitution guarantees the States protection against insurrection. Act now, Mr. President!)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
An excellent invention....domestic tranquility comes of such genius.
18
posted on
09/12/2020 5:02:17 PM PDT
by
Gay State Conservative
(Thanks To Biden Voters Oregon Is Now A Battleground State!)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The air goes on when it is over 80 and the heat goes on when it is under 50.
Which means that unless we are away during the winter the heat never goes on and the air comes on maybe twice a year.
Oh, no we do not freeze, we have a wood stove that keeps the house very cozy in the winter.
This wife wants to keep the utility bills as low as possible.
19
posted on
09/12/2020 5:07:47 PM PDT
by
Harmless Teddy Bear
(And lead us not into hysteria, but deliver us from the handwashers. Amen!)
To: KarlInOhio
I get the Look when I stop the channel on women doing yoga.
20
posted on
09/12/2020 5:15:10 PM PDT
by
seawolf101
(Member LES DEPLORABLES)
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