Mis-read the Headline

Babylon Bee ^ | July 27th, 2020 | Babylon Bee

[Old Man From WV]

PORTLAND, OR—Facing massive budget cuts, the Portland Police Bureau has come up with an exciting new way to fund their department. Upstanding citizens can now pay 5 dollars to throw tear gas at communist protesters. People from across the country are lining up to live their lifelong dreams of blasting dirty commies with tear gas.

[Old Man From WV]

I completely misread this headline on first viewing. I thought the City of Portland was raising money selling tear gas cannisters to throw at federal law enforcement personnel. That would have been more believable and better satire.

[Seruzawa]

I already got to “throw” stuff at commies many years ago. Wouldn’t mind doing it again.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Yeah but this sounds like a lot more fun.

I wonder if for another ten dollars more they would let me push them into a vat of hot water with plenty of soap.

[rlmorel]

LOL, I would put down a $1000 right now. No questions asked.

I would pay $3000 to have a sack full of flash-bangs to roll under their feet from behind.

I guess, for free, I could find one, great big huge hornet’s nest in a big box, walk right into the thick of it, and just open the box, though they might attack the police, which I don’t want.

After kicking it really hard a few times, first. Only when the box begins to vibrate, would I open it.

I guess the beekeeper suit would give me away, or they might think I was KKK in it!

[rllngrk33]

I guess the beekeeper suit would give me away, or they might think I was KKK in it!

Just dye it black and you'll fit right in.

[Blood of Tyrants]

How much for a commie hunting tag?

[stormhill]

This is good satire; unfortunately, the story is too obviously fake because the chance to shoot at commies, even if it’s only tear gas, is worth much more than a mere $5.00!

[Covenantor]

This is good satire; unfortunately, the story is too obviously fake because the chance to shoot at commies, even if it’s only tear gas, is worth much more than a mere $5.00!

Seattle Police spokesman, " Yes folks for only $5 you get to throw a tear gas canister at commie antifa scum. You say how can they afford to do that at such a low price? The answer is simple, VOLUME, VOLUME, VOLUME! Act now and get a case of 24 for only $75, that's almost half price! Send to commies home to their mommies today!"

[Covenantor]

Ehh...got carried away there....Seattle, Portland, what’s the diff.

[GreyFriar]

Great idea, but since my shoulder surgery last year, I don’t have the throwing distance I had back in the good old early army days with fragmentation grenades.