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Squirrels
email from a friend | 4/6/2020 | unknown

Posted on 04/06/2020 4:37:59 AM PDT by sodpoodle

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.


TOPICS: Humor; Pets/Animals; Religion
KEYWORDS: funny; furry; humor; joke; squirrels
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To: ShadowAce

Oh my goodness! I ride a little Suzuki Shogun (110cc), but I can just picture this happening. I have three great fears when I ride around Lake Sentani: that I would encounter a crocodile on the road, or a snake, or a pig. That would not be good.


21 posted on 04/06/2020 5:19:14 AM PDT by Jemian
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To: sodpoodle

And the rest of the Bible-believing folks read Acts literally (Peter, kill and eat) and caught, killed and ate the squirrels at the next pot luck dinner....


22 posted on 04/06/2020 5:32:49 AM PDT by Manly Warrior (US ARMY (Ret), "No Free Lunches for the Dogs of War")
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To: wastoute
Sorry to hear it.

I miss my VTX sometimes, but I love my Gold Wing.

The hospital stay did me some good--since my left arm was destroyed (took all of the impact), and my left wrist was pulverized to dust, I was on morphine for 4 full days.

That is what finally broke my caffeine addiction.

My orthopod was excellent as well. I have 100% functionality again. The only thing remaining to remind me of that are the scars.

23 posted on 04/06/2020 5:35:39 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux - The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Jemian

I vaguely recall a PG Wodehouse “Jeeves” story with Bertie on an involuntary lamp-less nighttime bicycle ride being worried about goats and elephants in his path.


24 posted on 04/06/2020 5:36:52 AM PDT by Calvin Locke
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To: Vaquero

You must not be from the south, down here that’s known as Brunswick Stew.


25 posted on 04/06/2020 5:46:18 AM PDT by mistfree (Virginia Freeper)
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To: Politically Correct

Yup - ranks right up there with the story of a guy strapping a JATO bottle to his 67 Impala. PIMP hilarious the first time I heard it on the old G. Gordon Liddy radio show in the 90s.


26 posted on 04/06/2020 5:50:44 AM PDT by T-Bird45 (It feels like the seventies, and it shouldn't.)
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To: ShadowAce

LMAO! I am wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard!!!


27 posted on 04/06/2020 5:52:29 AM PDT by Dubh_Ghlase (Oh boy!)
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To: ShadowAce
I hit a deer a while back, broadside, at about 50mph Now have various plates and screws holding my sorry butt together

C.O.B.B Society (Crippled Old Biker Bastard)
women's group also
C.O.B.B Society (Crippled Old Biker Bit.h)

To join one must be meaningfully injured in a Bike Wreck


28 posted on 04/06/2020 5:53:22 AM PDT by HangnJudge (China Lied, People died, Never Forget, this Decade's 9-11)
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To: mistfree

I’ve heard tell of Brunswick Stew with rabbit, squirrel or even more exotic wild native critters in it from my Depression era parents, but I’ve never in my fifty-plus years experienced it with anything but chicken and/or pork. Nice to know that it works if times ever get that hard, but I just have a problem eating that if I have any alternative.


29 posted on 04/06/2020 5:56:15 AM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: RegulatorCountry

https://practicalselfreliance.com/traditional-brunswick-stew/

Traditional Brunswick stew is made with small game, namely squirrel or opossum. Since they don’t generally sell squirrel meat at the grocery store, these days most recipes substitute dark meat chicken instead. In truth, most people do have access to squirrel. The hitch comes in turning a squirrel into squirrel meat.


30 posted on 04/06/2020 6:06:07 AM PDT by HangnJudge (China Lied, People died, Never Forget, this Decade's 9-11)
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To: ShadowAce
Squirrels can take care of themselves!

With some exceptions...


31 posted on 04/06/2020 6:06:43 AM PDT by kanawa ((Trump Loves a Great Deal (NorthernSentinel)))
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To: RegulatorCountry

I draw the line at road kill! I won’t eat possum under any circumstances, they is one ugly critter! Never understood where little possums came from.


32 posted on 04/06/2020 6:07:03 AM PDT by mistfree (Virginia Freeper)
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To: T-Bird45

A guy named Art Arfons was experimenting with the first jet powered drag car. His first test was to tie the jet engine to a tree and start it up. He became very successful with these cars and toured the countries drag strips with it.


33 posted on 04/06/2020 6:11:29 AM PDT by certrtwngnut (4- Do something,,,,even if it's wrong.)
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To: HangnJudge

I’m aware of the colonial era frontier origins of it and so of course it involves wild game. But, order Brunswick Stew at any barbecue joint or mom and pop diner in the south, or go buy several quarts from a church or VFD fundraising stew, and I’ll guarantee there’s nothing other than chicken or pork in it as far as meat.


34 posted on 04/06/2020 6:13:36 AM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: mistfree

What, no possum on the half shell, lol?


35 posted on 04/06/2020 6:15:18 AM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: Psalm 73; Lazmataz; Chode

The Link for the Original Lazterpiece:

The Squirrel Grenade (EXTREMELY funny article)
https://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1060580/posts

New stuff at top of Thread PING.


36 posted on 04/06/2020 6:18:17 AM PDT by mabarker1 ((Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!! A fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I'm a member of Congress !!!!)
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To: sodpoodle

Awesome!


37 posted on 04/06/2020 6:18:55 AM PDT by mabarker1 ((Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!! A fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I'm a member of Congress !!!!)
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To: sodpoodle

bttt


38 posted on 04/06/2020 6:22:13 AM PDT by OrangeHoof (The Democrats - Unafraid to burn in Hell.)
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To: sodpoodle

And the rest of the Bible-believing folks read Acts literally (Peter, kill and eat) and caught, killed and ate the squirrels at the next pot luck dinner....


39 posted on 04/06/2020 6:30:32 AM PDT by Manly Warrior (US ARMY (Ret), "No Free Lunches for the Dogs of War")
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To: Vaquero

Ditto...that’s the correct name..


40 posted on 04/06/2020 6:41:47 AM PDT by piroque ("When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. ")
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