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Hillary Clinton Says Epstein Assassination Was To 'Manage Anxiety'
The Babylon Bee ^ | March 7 2020 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/10/2020 2:52:54 PM PDT by xp38

CHAPPAQUA, NY—In a recent interview from her wine cellar this week, Hillary Clinton revealed some of her favorite methods for dealing with stress. "Being the president is an extremely stressful job," she told reporters. "Since I am the president, I have to deal with anxiety on a regular basis. One way to calm my nerves is with a good, old-fashioned assassination. Of course, I would never do such a thing, but If I did do something like, say, killing Jeffery Epstein, it would be a great way to cope with the demands of my very important job. Ok, I killed Epstein. I needed to do it to manage my anxieties. I feel bad about it. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hillary bemoaned the fact that since she isn't allowed in the White House or situation room for some reason, she no longer has access to handy tools like drones or Treadstone super-soldiers. "Sometimes," she said, "I have to settle for watching that prison assassination scene from Breaking Bad over a bottle of wine! Can you imagine? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Let it be known that The Babylon Bee proudly supports everything Hillary Clinton does and we are glad she is our president. She is a wonderful leader and we would never do anything to ever upset her in any way. We are also not suicidal.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; clinton; epstein; parody; satire
hehe....I think
1 posted on 03/10/2020 2:52:54 PM PDT by xp38
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To: xp38

Bwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa....


2 posted on 03/10/2020 2:54:15 PM PDT by TomServo (See my tagline)
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To: xp38

LOL!

I wonder if Vince Foster’s death helped alleviate her anxiety too?!


3 posted on 03/10/2020 2:54:50 PM PDT by MplsSteve
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To: MplsSteve

No doubt. In those days even Waco wasn’t enough to sooth her.


4 posted on 03/10/2020 2:56:55 PM PDT by xp38
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To: xp38

The BB also might say that people are committing suicide because they’re afraid of dying from the C-virus.


5 posted on 03/10/2020 3:07:27 PM PDT by SkyDancer ( ~ Just Consider Me A Random Fact Generator ~ Eat Sleep Fly Repeat ~)
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To: xp38

Why is it so easy for me to see Broomhillary sitting in an expansive basement wine cellar, with nothing but a glass-top bistro table and four wrought iron chairs in the center of the room under a wine glass rack? LOL


6 posted on 03/10/2020 3:09:00 PM PDT by Viking2002
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To: xp38

That stung. The Libyan International War Criminal Princess DOES NOT CARE about ANYBODY’S life unless it serves her multi-purpose agendas.

R.I.P. families and friends of Doherty, Smith, Stevens and Wood among a few.

The most EVIL administration in the history of this fabulous republic. The ARROGANT CONstitutional “charter of negative liberties” scholar and the ARROGANT International Extortionist/Kickback schemer urinating on hard-working Americans well-intentioned “foreign aide”.

Thanks, “representatives”.

(and I didn’t even have to mention Hillary)

BUT I DID. #seesomethingsaysomething


7 posted on 03/10/2020 3:23:18 PM PDT by PGalt (Past Peak Civilization?)
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To: xp38

She drinks New Zealand Chardonnay out of a box. Wakes up every morning, stuck to the kitchen floor by her dried vomit, as the SS Detail gets her unstuck and cleaned-up.


8 posted on 03/10/2020 3:23:22 PM PDT by carriage_hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: xp38

bttt


9 posted on 03/10/2020 3:29:12 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: xp38

LOLOLOL


10 posted on 03/10/2020 3:31:51 PM PDT by 4Liberty (BERNIE SANDERS: A CRUSTY, ANTI-AMERICAN WEIRDO. - Kurt Schlichter)
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To: xp38

Thanks for not putting sarcasm in the title. It’s more fun that way!!!


11 posted on 03/10/2020 3:42:13 PM PDT by lizma2
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To: xp38

Funny sh!t


12 posted on 03/10/2020 3:57:11 PM PDT by Conserv
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To: xp38

Thank you, Jesus!


13 posted on 03/10/2020 4:01:53 PM PDT by gogeo (The left prides themselves on being tolerant, but they can't even be civil.)
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To: xp38

“We are also not suicidal.”

Poor Babylon Bee. They just don’t know that a tidal wave of suicidal angst can just wash over you one day and you find yourself dead. By a bullet wound. In the back of the head. Suicide, so sudden and sad no one would have expected it.


14 posted on 03/10/2020 4:15:10 PM PDT by Data Miner
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To: xp38

A good old fashioned case of Arkancide.


15 posted on 03/10/2020 4:26:35 PM PDT by FLT-bird
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To: xp38

Love the disclaimer at the end.


16 posted on 03/10/2020 4:27:50 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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To: xp38

17 posted on 03/10/2020 4:27:50 PM PDT by Grampa Dave (Polticalwire.com is naming the Wuhan virus as Biden’s running mate, they are gleeful.)
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To: xp38

LOL!


18 posted on 03/10/2020 4:34:18 PM PDT by DannyTN
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To: Viking2002
...with nothing but a glass-top bistro table and four wrought iron chairs in the center of the room under a wine glass rack? LOL

You forgot Mr. Bigglesworth and the sharks with frickin laser beams. Greta Thunberg may pop up as a Mini-Me. Bwa ha ha...

19 posted on 03/10/2020 6:51:33 PM PDT by MikelTackNailer (I thought we had the Commie's beat. Now we have to do that all over again.)
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