Posted on 06/20/2019 10:03:45 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”
I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.
But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.
First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
Depends on what you are trying to find out and what you are trying to do with that survey. If you are trying to create legal policy, yes, I'd have to agree, I don't want anyone's rights resting on a survey of that sort. But their two stated goals were:
-To educate students about various types of sexual assault, how they can maximize their safety, and what they can do if they or someone they know has been victimized.
- To provide students with information about the campus and community resources that are available should they need assistance or have any concerns or questions.
This was never meant to be picked up by politicians and used for... anything political. Don't blame the people who did the survey. Blame the politicians who tried to use a paperclip as a screwdriver.
Who do you think funds these things (largely government)? What type of statistician that knows you need a representative sample would instead go to 2 colleges and take a select group result instead (hint: the biased kind)? What kind of statistician wouldn't be on every TV blasting every politician that miss-represented their study (hint: the biased kind)? What type of people typically do studies - (hint: liberal professors)? What studies tend to come out right when something major is about to be promoted - in this case title IX reforms to remove protections from the accused - (hint: those linked with government groups with an agenda).
No.
If we use your definition of sexual assault, then tens of millions of women would be in jail now as would men.
I know. But as I said, this survey wasn't about making legal policy. This was just an attempt to see how much drugs and alcohol factored in so they could improve their prevention outreach. This wasn't something politicians should have grabbed hold of.
As far as what I consider sexual assault or attempted sexual assault, here: I was once picked up by a guy on a scooter when I was drunk (25, in Ireland). He offered to give me a ride back to my hostel. Instead he took me to a dark alley and tried to fondle me. I let him know how loud I can get and he backed off. Does this count as sexual battery? I don't know, I guess. Did I report it to anyone? No. I wasn't that upset about it. It was kind of amusing, actually. I didn't consider it worthy of the Bureau of Justice. But would I reveal it on an anonymous survey that was trying to find out how often drugs and alcohol lead women into dicey situations? Sure. It wouldn't be to demonize men or give the Democrats a way to... do anything. It would just be to help them hone their message: ladies, don't wander around drunk with strange men. And do I have a hard time believing that 1 in 5 college girls have gotten themselves into situations like this? No, I don't. I mean, really, is it THAT controversial?
For the record, I wasn’t suggesting that you’re not frugal. My post might not have been clear because I’m trying not to give personal details.
lol I’m not frugal. It’s one of the reasons I worked my butt off to make 7x what my father made when I was in my early 30s (9x now). I enjoy fine dining, traveling internationally, and occasionally paying for business class airfare and visiting upscale resorts like Sandals. I didn’t mind buying a 3k+ sq ft house with every upgrade possible. I didn’t mind buying the BMW convertible for the self selected stay at home wife with no kids. I didn’t mind paying for everything, including her retirement. Like I said, I have had a 20% CAGR of income and could continue that to C-suite level of public companies easily if I wanted over the next years. No, that didn’t crash our marriage, although I know why that does quite a few of them.
Any group that lets their “study” - which was already crap - which if you knew anything about stats would know this - be used far beyond the purpose of the study without getting in front of a mic and/or shouting on Twitter, Facebook, etc that this isn’t the result of the study, is not an unbiased group. This study was done with the sole purpose to create more soy boys and to remove basic protections from men when they were accused on campus.
Okay. So I just Googled (I know, Google is Satan) the name of the first author, Christopher P. Krebs, Ph.D. and the first hit is an AirTalk interview where he says that it should never be treated as nationally representative. I'm listening to it right this minute. He is doing exactly what you say: explaining that his survey is being misrepresented.
https://www.scpr.org/programs/airtalk/2015/05/04/42689/study-author-of-1-in-5-number-on-the-difficulty-of/
He and one of the female authors also gave a TIME interview on Dec. 15, 2014, called "Setting the Record Straight."
https://time.com/3633903/campus-rape-1-in-5-sexual-assault-setting-record-straight/
"As two of the researchers who conducted the Campus Sexual Assault Study from which this number was derived, we feel we need to set the record straight. Although we used the best methodology available to us at the time, there are caveats that make it inappropriate to use the 1-in-5 number in the way it’s being used today, as a baseline or the only statistic when discussing our country’s problem with rape and sexual assault on campus."
U.S. News the very next day posts "The "1 in 5" statistic, cited by no less than President Barack Obama in his "It's On Us" initiative against sexual violence, is meeting increased scrutiny, with even the person who authored the study from which the stat was drawn telling Slate last week that he and his co-authors “don’t think one in five is a nationally representative statistic.”
Then there's a link to the Slate article from Dec 7, 2014 where the author writes, "I asked the lead author of the study, Christopher Krebs, whether the CSA represents the experience of those millions of female students. His answer was unequivocal: “We don’t think one in five is a nationally representative statistic.” It couldn’t be, he said, because his team sampled only two schools. “In no way does that make our results nationally representative,” Krebs said.
Vox, Dec 11, 2014:" The 1 in 5 statistic is extrapolated from a 2007 survey, the Campus Sexual Assault Study, which asked nearly 5,500 women at two large public universities about unwanted sexual contact. The study's title sounds sweeping, but Christopher Krebs, the lead researcher on the study, said in an interview that the results were never meant to apply nationwide — or even to other large public universities similar to the ones he studied. "I think sexual assault is a phenomenon that is potentially unique at each university," he said.
And there are more. The authors DID go out and give interviews countering Obama and saying "that is not right."
If he doesn’t believe his study is representative, why publish it? What purpose does it serve if its not representative? I realize you probably haven’t dealt with this in corporate America, much less government/universities, but you don’t publish ANYTHING unless you have an agenda.
Women might do the majority of the shopping, but not necessarily with credit cards.
With that said, (based on my observations) when women do max out credit cards, their purchases tend to be the kind of purchases your ex made (clothes, makeup, etc.).
On the other hand, men tend to max out credit cards when they’re cheating and spending money on hotel rooms, jewelry, etc., for other women.
“Best methodology” LMAO!!!! Yeah, representative sampling sucks, blasting out to two universities and just taking any results we get back is the “best methodology”
Well, neither one of those are good, but that hasn’t been my experience. My experience is the (small) group of men that tend to spend beyond what they earn tend to do so on either large automobiles or other large “toys.” A motel costs $60 bucks. Maybe all those men really are nuts and buying fine jewelry for a bit of sex and not paying it off at all but I doubt it. I’d be fascinated if you had anything to back that up and I mean that with full honesty.
Buying all those things doesn’t mean you’re not responsible with your money.
I know some very wealthy people. They also buy the best cars, the nicest properties, travel the world, etc. Because they can afford those things.
If you can afford all those things, then, by all means, buy what you want.
On that, we agree 100%. Millionaire next door should be required reading for every high school student in America, IMO. My point is if women are 85% of spend, but only 35% of income, that means women proportionately spend 10x what they make per $ earned compared to men. So all things being equal..well..you get the idea.
Because:
1.) You have to show what you did with the grant money, and
2.) In academia, you have to publish. You have to.
But within one week, he was on Vox, Slate, US News, and TIME stating that this was NOT what his study said. If his rebuttals didn't get wider play, it's because he was going up against Obama the Sacred Cow, and I'm amazed even those 4 stories got out.
Plus, I have a hard time distinguishing between a YSL bag for $2k as “clothing” and $180 bucks for 3 nights in a motel with the mistress or “mister”
Right now, I have only my own personal experiences and observations, plus something a divorce lawyer once told me (that I’ll post last below).
Yes, men do like buying “big toys” like cars, for example. I don’t know how they go into debt cheating, but they do. (Sometimes they cheat with multiple women at the same time, or they hire prostitutes.)
A lawyer once told me that he represented a husband who argued that the wife should pay half his credit card debt. The husband claimed he used the credit card for family necessities. The wife didn’t believe him. As it turned out, the husband actually used the credit card to buy breast implants for his mistress. lol So, you see, yes, men sometimes fall deep in debt by cheating.
In a country of 330 million, I wouldn’t doubt ANY anecdote. 0.01% is 330 bat sh!t crazy people. I’m trying to get at what is common. You can’t or at least shouldn’t make laws off not very common anecdotes. I have no problem with guys like the one you describe taking it on the chin to at least a large degree.
But they weren't trying to establish what percentage of sexual assaults take place on campus, or what percentage of women get assaulted, or if being in college is more dangerous than not being in college. They were trying to establish how often drugs and alcohol were a factor in sexual assaults on college girls so that they could improve outreach to college girls about sexual assaults involving drugs and alcohol.
Had this study been used for nothing more than making new brochures for incoming college freshmen about what constitutes assault, and how often drugs and alcohol figured in, and where you can go if you have been assaulted, and here is our 1-800-GRAB-ASS hotline, no one would care because that was all it was intended for.
Obama, Biden, Rubio, Grassley, and who knows who else grabbed it to make political hay, and the authors rebutted them in the few media outlets who would go against their Sainted One, but you are blaming the authors for something that is the politicians' fault. For some reason, you don't want to blame Obama and Biden. Oh, Joe and Barry wouldn't do something like that to pander to the female vote, no, no. Of course not. Those evil feminist Ph.D. types FOOLED good old Barry and Joe.
LOL You believe whatever you want about the “authors” who used the worst methodology I’ve ever seen.
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