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'Everything Is Bad And The World Is Ending And You Shouldn't Have Kids,' Says Party Of Progress
Babylon Bee ^ | 8 Mar 2019 | Anonymous

Posted on 03/12/2019 9:25:48 AM PDT by Rummyfan

The United States birth rate has continued to fall as millennials increasingly believe that everything is bad, the world is going to end, and to bring kids into this nightmarish hellscape would be tantamount to child abuse.

“The world is going to end in twelve years. If you have kids, it will end in probably like six years or something because they’ll just breathe more,” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said on a recent Instagram Live broadcast. “I have the science right here.” Ocasio-Cortez held up a copy of National Geographic. She later realized she had been referencing an article from 1989 warning that the world would end in 2001 if deep and wide environmental policies were not enforced. “If scientists from thirty years ago said the world was going to end in 12 years, who am I to doubt science?” she said upon realizing this.”Science is science.”

“The most progressive thing we can do is abort as many of the next generation as possible so they don’t have to be brought into this apocalyptic nightmare,” said progressive blogger Martina Bridges on a live stream over her iPhone from the driver’s seat in her Lexus on a sunny day in Santa Monica while drinking a cucumber lime acai iced tea.

However, in conflict with the traditional progressive view of not having children, some evidence suggests that one of the world’s greatest resources is the bright young minds of tomorrow. Research shows that children born today could be tomorrow’s innovators, finding solutions to the world’s problems this generation never even thought of. “That’s junk science,” said progressive researcher Darrell Lyons from the University of Henshaw. “Name one generation who was improved by the next generation. It’s a myth. People are born, they pollute the Earth, the world ends. That is how it has always worked out as long as the Earth has existed.”

“Name one person who isn’t born yet who could fix the world’s problems,” Lyons went on. “I’ll wait.” Lyons sat with his arms crossed for close to thirty minutes before reporters began exiting the conference room.

“True progressivism knows the truth: this generation is the last possible hope for mankind,” Bridges continued on her live stream. “We know that the most brilliant minds to ever exist, past or future, are ours. If we don’t have our way, that’s the real Armageddon.”

What is the truly progressive solution if it is not continuing to have kids? Bridges, Ocasio-Cortez, and many other progressives believe that the only hope for true progress is to bring about a system of government from the early 1900s that has led to the death of millions and to vote for the oldest presidential candidate in history.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: abortion; babylonbee; berniesanders; genderdysphoria; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; homosexualagenda; ilhanomar; infanticide; medicareforall; michigan; minnesota; newyork; notnews; obamacare; ocasiocortez; rashidatlaib; satire; vermont
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1 posted on 03/12/2019 9:25:48 AM PDT by Rummyfan
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To: Rummyfan

It’s hard to tell satire from truth anymore.


2 posted on 03/12/2019 9:27:19 AM PDT by gattaca ("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
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To: Rummyfan

These people worship Death. That’s all they care about. The Culture of Death is behind their every idea.


3 posted on 03/12/2019 9:28:08 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy (If White Privilege is real, why did Elizabeth Warren lie about being an Indian?)
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To: Rummyfan

https://youtu.be/CXSz0bA9CiE


4 posted on 03/12/2019 9:28:11 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you .)
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To: Rummyfan

‘Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding,
The cretins cloning and feeding,
And I don’t even own a TV! ‘

Time to end the madness!


5 posted on 03/12/2019 9:29:20 AM PDT by griswold3 (Just another unlicensed nonconformist in a dangerous Liberal world.)
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To: Vaquero

If all of these “progressives” would follow through on their concerns and suicide this afternoon...the world would be a better place. Pathetic, but true.


6 posted on 03/12/2019 9:29:56 AM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp?)
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To: Rummyfan

Very understandable when you realize that feminism at its core has always been an anti fertility cult. Not only attracts lesbians but also mentally flawed, Darwinian aberrant women. Actually the world is far better off if they remain barren.


7 posted on 03/12/2019 9:30:20 AM PDT by allendale (.)
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To: Rummyfan; All

Just to be clear this is satire.


8 posted on 03/12/2019 9:30:32 AM PDT by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel.)
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To: Rummyfan

... but keep voting Democrat as we all go down....”


9 posted on 03/12/2019 9:30:36 AM PDT by jmaroneps37 (Conservatism is truth. Liberalism is lies.)
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To: gattaca
That sentiment goes back to the sixties until long blonde hippies started having beautiful long blonde babies in communes.

Before the communes were exposed, they DID influence a manner of parenthood and child rearing as an important element to the furtherance of intelligent and caring humanity.

Nice words, nice ideas, but kids DID need whippin' that the parents wouldn't do.

10 posted on 03/12/2019 9:32:00 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true. I have no proof, but they're true)
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To: Rummyfan

Cortez, who lives in a stone-age straw hut with a zero carbon footprint, and rides a fartless horse to work in the morning, said we all need to live like her.


11 posted on 03/12/2019 9:35:15 AM PDT by Telepathic Intruder
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To: Rummyfan

Well, there is an upside to this. If the libtards stopping breeding and continuing with their pregnancy terminations, eventually there will be no libtards.

Gunner


12 posted on 03/12/2019 9:35:20 AM PDT by weps4ret (Republicans are suffering from Testicular Atrophy, The Continuing Saga!! Still!!)
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To: Rummyfan

i agree. liberals should not reproduce.


13 posted on 03/12/2019 9:39:55 AM PDT by ronniesgal (so I wonder what his FR handle is????)
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To: weps4ret
This won't work. Haven't you noticed that, for decades now, they've been refusing to have their own children but have been recruiting ours?

Don't you realize this is how it has always worked for the non-procreating perverts?

And have you never heard of public schools?

14 posted on 03/12/2019 9:41:38 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o
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To: Mrs. Don-o

I do not disagree. Sometimes I wish for a sarcasm font. Lenin said that they will take the U.S. without firing a shot. He knew taking over the education system with propaganda and indoctrination would do the trick. When you have the Bill Ayers of the world training the teachers, and so it goes.

Gunner


15 posted on 03/12/2019 9:47:01 AM PDT by weps4ret (Republicans are suffering from Testicular Atrophy, The Continuing Saga!! Still!!)
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16 posted on 03/12/2019 10:18:03 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (this tagline space is now available)
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To: griswold3

I’m not sick, but I’m not well.


17 posted on 03/12/2019 10:28:02 AM PDT by jmacusa ("The more numerous the laws the more corrupt the government''.)
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To: Rummyfan
“I have the science right here.”

Not sure why this phrase bothers me but I've been hearing it with increased frequency

18 posted on 03/12/2019 11:03:15 AM PDT by datricker (Cut Taxes Repeal ACA Deport DACA - Americans First, Build the Wall, Lock her up MAGA!)
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To: gattaca

“It’s hard to tell satire from truth anymore.”

That’s my problem. I genuinely don’t know what parts of this article are true and what are false. For any of it to be quoted, every part, down to the individual sentence, needs to be footnoted.

BTW I wrote this in total serioiusness and really don’t like articles that so seamlessly combine fact and fiction.


19 posted on 03/12/2019 11:03:52 AM PDT by libstripper
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To: Telepathic Intruder

LOL, “fartless horse.” You’ve obviously been around horses been around horses a bit.


20 posted on 03/12/2019 11:07:05 AM PDT by libstripper
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