Posted on 11/08/2018 4:30:44 AM PST by sodpoodle
Southern Humor
A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'till she's 14.
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How do you know when you're staying in a MISSISSIPPI hotel?
When you call the front desk and say,
"I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."
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How can you tell if a GEORGIA redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in ALABAMA to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high school.
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw in GEORGIA ?
Documentaries!
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Where was the toothbrush invented?
MISSISSIPPI.
If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.
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An ALABAMA State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-65 and says to the driver,
"Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies"Bout wut?"
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Did you hear about the $3 million GEORGIA State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
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The governor's mansion in ALABAMA burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books-poofed up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
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A new law was recently passed in MISSISSIPPI.
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
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A guy walks into a bar in GEORGIA and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says,"You ain't from 'round here are ya boy?
"No" replies the man, Im from California.
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in California?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?"
The man says,"I mount animals.
"The bartender hollers to the whole bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!
But Southerners are still more intelligent than those in NYC.
Definition of an Arkansas Virgin: A girl that can faster than her brothers.
Definition of a F**k Off: Tie breaker for the Georgia Homecoming Queen. RTR
For those who speak southern, there are several good and entertaining books on “southernisms”, and well worth a read. But one in particular, titled ‘Whistlin’ Dixie’, went so far as to describe regionalisms. That is, expressions unique to just part of the South, not the whole thing.
Being raised in a family of one of these regions, though in the southwest, I was amazed that the expressions could be broken down into three parts: totally familiar, those I had heard of but rarely used, and those that were completely alien.
Fascinating.
A Georgian friend of mind provided me with a useful pronunciation guide in an ice cream parlor, when ordering a two scoop cone:
“Pee-can ripple and Budderpecahn.” He explained the accent is always on the first syllable. Then, if you speak with your teeth closed, you sound southern.
Oh, as a trivia side note. Southern Arizona territory was, for six months, a part of the Confederacy, declared as such by Jefferson Davis. This is great fun to point out to southerners, who reject the notion that AZ “is part of the South and the Confederacy”.
They usually end up by deciding that only the “southeast” is part of the “real South”, and Texas is, well, Texas.
The fact they do not live in NYC is de faccto proof of superiority
Slightly off color, drag your mouse over below:
(Are first there is a lot of sucking and blowing, but then somebody loses a trailer.)
In my neck of the woods, it was Co-Cola.
Beto changed his name to Beteaux. He’s going to run as a fake Cajun.
Just like if you check the news, all the overt, outright racist incidents (the ones even we agree are racist) happen in the North and on the West Coast.
What do you call a biscuit with a food stamp in the middle? Alabama fortune cookie.
Yep, I live in the cradle of the confederacy just fifty miles from my birthplace and I see more actual goodwill between white and black here than anywhere else I have been.
A Liberal mayor proclaims that Columbus Day will be observed as 'indigenous peoples day'.
Vito, Dominic, & Luigi march into his office.
Vito looks at Dominic and Luigi...all wearing nice suits and ties...and then at the Mayor and says, "Indigenous People's Day? We ain't "indigenous". We make a good living! We gots lots of money. Dominic here is my family's top earner! Best youze watch your language Mr. Mayor and leave Columbus Day alone...if you take my meaning."
A Moon Pie and a dope...
“Nice office you got here Mr. Mayor. Be a shame if something happened to it.”
“We thought ‘Deliverance’ was a training film!” - The Greaseman.
And those stereo types are disgusting and not funny. They are the elites attempt to belittle The South
You want funny southern humor try a bit of Jeff Foxworthy
Q
You know Texas doesn’t fall into the Gulf of Mexico?
A
Oklahoma sucks....
(I’m from Tahlequah)
Beto luck next time
Or, an “RC and a pack of NABs”.
That is so totally the south
LOL?
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