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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face; null and void

Or possibly French...
Spear points of a design from western France have been found in the eastern US. After all it was just a short canoe trip along the edge of the ice shelf.


6,641 posted on 04/11/2016 1:14:22 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

Wow. I have done that, but sad to say, I usually find the offending lost objects in the fridge. :o|


6,642 posted on 04/11/2016 1:16:20 PM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: NoCmpromiz; Covenantor

“What happens to a disco ball when hit with a 12 gauge blast.”

Something I’ve always wanted to do occurs.

“BeeGees standing behind”

Form an orderly queue! No pushing at the back!


6,643 posted on 04/11/2016 1:19:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Yes, that is exactly the one. And there are train tracks on the other side of the property wall to the south. The train goes by twice every Wednesday, once each way. I like it!

I love to hear it...


6,644 posted on 04/11/2016 1:20:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: moose07

Neither the French, the Norsemen, nor the Irish monks made their discovery stick. The wacky Italian did.

Pays to have a good PR agent, who else could convince everybody that you were the first discoverer of an inhabited land?...


6,645 posted on 04/11/2016 1:25:09 PM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

Your shoes were in the fridge? I’m impressed!


6,646 posted on 04/11/2016 1:36:21 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

You cut off phone conversations with your shoes???

You must be rather spry.


6,647 posted on 04/11/2016 1:45:28 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Or go to Silver Dollar City, MO and ride a steam train.


6,648 posted on 04/11/2016 1:46:33 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Bee Gees:

Oh you can tell by the way I hold my teeth
I’m an old man
Every time I sneeze.

I, I, I, I, barely alive, barely alive.
I, I, I, I, barely aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive.

(Or was that Robin Williams.)


6,649 posted on 04/11/2016 1:49:45 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: ArGee

?


6,650 posted on 04/11/2016 1:51:11 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: ArGee

If I can still do maths, we’re 15 posts away from 6666.

Which means I’ll miss it.


6,651 posted on 04/11/2016 1:52:11 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: ArGee

barely alive - they ain’t no spring chickens no more.. ;-)

I think 66.66% of the brothers Gibb are now dead.

Much like disco.


6,652 posted on 04/11/2016 2:01:30 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee

For my age I am.


6,653 posted on 04/11/2016 2:02:49 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

RE: your tagline.

That’s how we always did it. I have no idea why they find it so confusing these days..


6,654 posted on 04/11/2016 2:04:00 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I was never confused about my gender because I so seldom saw my feet, and learned the obstruction was gender-specific.


6,655 posted on 04/11/2016 2:44:55 PM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Tax-chick

Rien ..... rien de rien ..... non, je ne regrette rien ..... Ni le bien q’on m’a fait, ni le mal, cela m’est tout égal.

(by Edith Piaf)

“La môme” was a lovely lady who suffered immensely, but a gifted human being.


6,656 posted on 04/11/2016 2:47:24 PM PDT by LibreOuMort (I am still here, by the grace of God.)
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To: LibreOuMort; Tax-chick

Since we learn from our errors, to regret nothing would seem to mean that we do not regret having learned the purposes of our being here.

Move along, then.


6,657 posted on 04/11/2016 4:36:38 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: ArGee
Well..

I don't rally need to travel to the Show Me State to ride a steam train. I could go to Phillipsburg, NJ and ride behind the Susquehanna 142. Steam trips apparently start in mid-June for this year

Or wander into PA and catch the Reading & Northern 425 but I'm not finding a steam schedule for this year.

And it was possible to travel to Scranton to Steamtown and ride a steam train. But in the ineffable wisdom of the National Park Service they have no steam locomotives operating. Rumor has it that they will be firing up a 0-6-0 yard switcher, but that certainly won't be able to pull many coaches if they try to take it off premises...

But all of these are in the 90 - 120 or more minutes away category so they are still not right around the corner.. ;-)

6,658 posted on 04/11/2016 4:49:21 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face
Laundry tip: Always read the labels..


6,659 posted on 04/11/2016 5:54:21 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: LibreOuMort

Hello! Yes, she had a difficult life, as so many immensely talented people do.


6,660 posted on 04/11/2016 5:55:01 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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