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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07
Have no idea where Richmond is but I note that the geese and ducks better smile, they're on candid camera..

The article says "60163 "Tornado" crossing the Thames at Richmond this afternoon on British Pullman duties."


6,481 posted on 04/09/2016 1:14:26 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

6,482 posted on 04/09/2016 3:21:31 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Gefn; SandyInSeattle

6,483 posted on 04/09/2016 3:23:11 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Covenantor

6,484 posted on 04/09/2016 3:24:00 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Wow. :o])


6,485 posted on 04/09/2016 5:28:19 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Tax-chick; Gefn; NoCmpromiz

So squee!!!

Rain most of the night, all day today and again tomorrow.

The BIG news: Isaac Connor entered the world by way of the Idaho Portal yesterday at 0747. He came in at a WHOPPING 8 lbs. 5 oz.

So I’m a GGMa to a beautiful boy who looks just like his dad. If the baby could have waited five days, he would have been born on his dad’s birthday.

I was so surprised at his weight, as both of his parents are small. His older sister weighed three pounds less!


6,486 posted on 04/09/2016 5:35:25 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face

Congratulations! If he’d waited five more days, he might have gained a pound. When James was born at 9 lbs., two weeks early, I was awfully glad he didn’t grow for two more weeks before delivery!


6,487 posted on 04/09/2016 6:20:23 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Covenantor; ArGee; NoCmpromiz

Quit bashing Mayor Dinkins! He was great at tennis.

(I think this was the only thing he was great at)

“Mayor Dinkins where are you?” - Rush


6,488 posted on 04/09/2016 6:23:40 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick

Sibling rivalry with kitties seems to be the theme today, cute little buggers.

They are expecting snow,,yes. Not an April’s Fools.

C


6,489 posted on 04/09/2016 6:25:24 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Monkey Face

Face! A new grand baby?

Mazel Tov!


6,490 posted on 04/09/2016 6:27:02 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick

The mother is 4’11” so I’m pretty sure she’s glad he didn’t wait any longer! He was a week “overdue,” and that, in itself, is harrowing.

My mother had seven children and said I was the only one who came on the day the doctor said I would. And though I only had one, I’m pretty sure they come when they are darn good and ready!

I need to get more spices and pineapple today, and another banana. When my FRiend was here from up north, I put on five pounds, and now I HAVE to lose them. Period. I nibble when the ulcers are active so I have to make sure I have an ulcer cocktail at least once a week for a while to stop that “hunger.”

As soon as pics are posted on FB I will copy them and send them to photobucket. I think I need to do that with all the photos in various places. Two flash drives and the slave...and this computer.


6,491 posted on 04/09/2016 6:40:44 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Gefn

Golly, snow. It’s supposed to be 29 here tonight.


6,492 posted on 04/09/2016 6:41:09 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

We’re almost out of cat food.


6,493 posted on 04/09/2016 6:41:52 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Gefn

Thanks, Gefn!!

I have pics on my phone but maybe later today I will figure out how to get them off the phone and onto the computer.


6,494 posted on 04/09/2016 6:42:58 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Gefn

And that’s GREAT Grand Baby!! That’s #4, and I have four grandsons. The other three GG babies are girls.


6,495 posted on 04/09/2016 6:44:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: moose07

Do you boil it?


6,496 posted on 04/09/2016 6:46:16 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

Congrats!


6,497 posted on 04/09/2016 6:59:04 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

GREAT grand baby!

That is so wonderful and amazing.

Four great grand babies. Wow. As much as I love kittens there is nothing more wonderful more magical than the new baby smell when they are a few minutes to a day or so old.,little miracle.


6,498 posted on 04/09/2016 7:04:35 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

Waiting......


6,499 posted on 04/09/2016 7:05:32 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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It’s mine! I got this!


6,500 posted on 04/09/2016 7:06:01 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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