Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
She’s only 11, but some cats have been known to get prematurely senile.
As a plan, I’m in the “On Beyond Zebra” space.
Poor kitty!
After my radio broke down I started singing to myself. But I can’t afford to replace the glass that often.
These days when I try to sing during my commute the other people on the subway shush me.
Such grumpy people here in NYC.
Anything would be better than silence and/or the sound of the engine and the tires. I would sing, but I can’t remember any of the words to any of the songs I used to know.
:o[
Yep. There’s nothing like removing/rearranging furniture to make you realize how dirty your house is. I always hated when I did that.
Tom is going to clean some gunge from the walls while the rest of us go to the Museum of History.
That’s because women are fundamentally confused about how things work.
For example, women think dust is there to be removed. Men know dust is there so you know how to put things back where you found them.
Similarly, a dirty carpet helps the men remember where the furniture belongs - especially after a particularly moving sporting event.
I dunno...my first husband was OCD about house cleaning. I like a clean house, too, but he was BRUTAL when it came to “a place for everything and everything in its place.” Drove. Me. NUTZ!
But getting everything back in its place is SO much easier if there is dust where it wasn’t.
Well..
You could ask them for money. You know, to keep you from singing.
After all, asking for money while on the subway is one of those New York values. Or traditions. Or landmarks. Or something.. ;-)
He knew EXACTLY where everything belonged and would set the item in the same spot, using his micrometer eye!
‘Ceptin’ the tradition is to ask them to pay you TO sing.
I’ll do better looking for loose change on the ground.
There was once a very, very lousy saxophone player that loudly honked his way through midtown subways. His only pause came when he announced he would stop if people gave him money. And he did.
Bill Clinton?
See ArGee that's how you do it. Start singing and carry a sign that informs of how much silence various prospective donations will buy.
"$100 buys silence until the City Hall stop."
;-)
You HAVE been reading the news about slashings in NYC being on the rise.
Not that it has anything to do with Herr Willhelm’s decision to end stop-and-frisk or anything. That is, officiallly, not the reason.
Sounds rather like Charlotte, where there are no gangs. There are only loosely organized groups of teens and young adults.
Bill’s coworkers at the museum all said very nice things about him.
Noted.
Commented that NYC was returning to the Days of Dinkins..
(Before a guy named Giuliani - Dinkins lowered his crime statistics by simply not arresting thugs for certain crimes-against-persons. Because it was racist...)
The non-arrests came about because patrol cops were instructed to dissuade victims from from filing reports by telling them:
Long odds of identifying and finding perps.
Amount of time victims would have to spend pursuing the complaint.
Amount of time spent in court in the unlikely event an arrest was made
Sad facts of revolving door of the criminal justice system in NYC
Several friends were victims on the UWS and related their outrage and frustration. Fortunately they suffered no serious injuries.
Side note: from my apt window on W55th I would see the Dinkins leave an apt bldg across the street at first light once a week. POS janitor with his pushbroom mustache.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.