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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

Blame the lack of tablet on the Bunny.
The Bunny will be long gone before he can be interrogated.

It’s Broken....
R-I-g-h-t, in what manner is it Broken.
It don’t work.
*Sigh*


6,201 posted on 04/03/2016 3:09:59 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick

6200
Because you could!
And you did!
:)


6,202 posted on 04/03/2016 3:11:17 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Yep.

You’re up late.


6,203 posted on 04/03/2016 3:14:13 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: NoCmpromiz

LOL !

Grandads Revenge.


6,204 posted on 04/03/2016 3:14:19 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick

Will be vanishing shortly.
There is a Civilwar Programme on the telly.
Splody things, etc. You know how it is with Splody things.


6,205 posted on 04/03/2016 3:16:26 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

I like explosions, myself. Enjoy your programme!


6,206 posted on 04/03/2016 3:18:47 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Well..

If any of them are prone to do that one would thing their parental unit(s) would ‘strongly suggest’ they not partake until the ride is complete.

But you know how irresponsible that younger generation is.. ;-)


6,207 posted on 04/03/2016 3:28:44 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

Yes..

There is absolutely NO evidence that the rumored white chocolate bunny ever existed.

And, yes - that’s usually how these conversations go. The only thing I did find is that the Slacker app on the tablet (which COULD be used vor videos is the ‘free’ version which is no longer supported. They want you to fork for the ‘premium’ version which just happens to be one of those annoying monthly subscription bill your cardthing in perpetuity things..

Which is filled under “No Way Jose”. (Office 365 is in that same file as are some other supposedly ‘you can’t live without this’ pogroms..)


6,208 posted on 04/03/2016 3:35:34 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Children are always shocked by the natural outcome of their consumption decisions.


6,209 posted on 04/03/2016 3:35:58 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Umm..

I wasn’t referring to the grandchillen.

I was suggesting that their parental units (you know, including Son #1) were umm, less that fore-thoughtful.. ;-)

Now I know that WE were never that clueless when we were that age because WE were perfect parents...

Just ‘cause we had to walk to school. And it was hilly... ;-)


6,210 posted on 04/03/2016 3:42:29 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Notice the “free” apps are also called trial apps, as in, it’s a real trial to remove the completely and free up memory space. Digital rats running around with theie spawn.


6,211 posted on 04/03/2016 4:09:24 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

Chocolate! having some dusted chocolate truffles just now.

The fifth major food group is known as the Brown group, consisting of;

Grilled meats
Gravy
Brown spirits, bourbons, cognacs, etc.
Coffee and dark teas
Chocolate
French fries

and for some, nicotine


6,212 posted on 04/03/2016 4:19:30 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

Nicotine definitely belongs in the brown group.

Ever clean out a computer that has been parked in front of a smoker?

It is doubtful it could be classified as a food though. Drug of choice maybe..


6,213 posted on 04/03/2016 8:46:58 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face

Windows in a Factory office I though had been brown tinted....
Until curiosity unleashed the Cat.
A smiley face appeared in the Coating.
The Glass wasn’t tinted, it was covered in Decades of diffused smokers tar.
Strangely,I didn’t bother working there....


6,214 posted on 04/03/2016 9:55:54 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"The Glass wasn't tinted, it was covered in Decades of diffused smokers tar.
Strangely,I didn't bother working there...."

I never had money to burn.

6,215 posted on 04/03/2016 10:01:28 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Neither did I, wasn’t joining that club.


6,216 posted on 04/04/2016 12:25:51 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: NicknamedBob; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

6,217 posted on 04/04/2016 3:38:18 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; NoCmpromiz; NicknamedBob; Covenantor

My goodness, you folks were busy chatting last night! When I stay up, no one is around. Maybe because when I stay up, I start to get stupid and no one wants to be around me. Ha-ha.

I have to go into Vegas, but it’s not going to be today. I just don’t feel up to it. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I don’t want to drive when I haven’t rested well. Not a good combination.

It’s going to be 83 today and 69 on Friday. Go figger. Right now, it’s 61, but the wind is SE @ 2 and the humidity is 17%. Not too bad!!

The Squee this morning is overwhelming! The blanket they’re on looks like something I would make, all those pretty colors!


6,218 posted on 04/04/2016 5:10:44 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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To: Monkey Face

I thought of you when I saw the blanket. There were other knits in other pictures of these kittens.


6,219 posted on 04/04/2016 5:13:23 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m working on a shawl, now, and if I had the money for more yarn, I would make a blanket/throw out of it. It’s soft and comfy, but I can’t afford the yarn for it...it would be about $20 and there is no way. So it’s going to be a shawl!

I’m tired. My pills didn’t come Saturday, and I’ve been out of colloidial silver since Friday, and that means I will begin to feel it by tomorrow. My brain will start to slow down again and the mistakes will come right and left...and I won’t be able to grasp complex ideas. Ungh.


6,220 posted on 04/04/2016 5:41:36 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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