ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Gefn]

Omg!

Best line of the day.

[Gefn]

Check out today’s Bing front page. It’s Edinburgh!

[null and void]

How long has it been since you drove in LA? THOSE are crazy drivers!

I'll have you know I learned to drive in LA.

Where else can you get a black belt in driving?

[Monkey Face]

Hmmm... You got a point there, Dude....

I learned to drive on the back roads of Central Utah, in my dad’s 3-speed Ford pickup. Yah. Like that. ;o]

[Monkey Face]

I’m outta here for the night!!!

[moose07]

True. :)

Liverpool is a Saxon word for Muddy Dock.
A flat area useable at low tide for unloading ships.

[NoCmpromiz]

Liverpool ... useable at low tide for unloading ships.

Also for growing beatles..

[NoCmpromiz]

..although I'm not quite sure how much is really needed to successfully mimic socially acceptable behavior.

[21twelve]

Your post on coffee - John Pinnette has a comdey thing on youtube about his hatred of lines. He talks about the lines at Starbucks.

“So what I do is get a coffee at 7-11 so then I can drink it while I’m in line at Starbucks! You should see the looks I get. “Why didn’t I think of that!”

[moose07]

This is a Temporary message.
A Real one will be installed at at later date.

[Tax-chick]

[Tax-chick]

[moose07]

Sat in the middle of “candleford” with better reception than I get at home.
Pics will be posted later.
The tea in the tea shop is real loose leaf tea, a rare thing these days.

[Covenantor]

Morning....

moose, is that clotted cream on that scone? you gonna eat that? gimme!

[Covenantor]

[moose07]

Morning Covenantor,
No cream and no scones I’m afraid.
Apple cake and ice cream.....ooooh yeah. :)

Lovely little building,early 1700s at most.
The tea is awesome.

[Tax-chick]

Nice kitties!

[NicknamedBob]

Nice photographs!

[Monkey Face]

Morning

[Monkey Face]

!