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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Gefn; moose07
The British make a good car.

...except for those that used Lucas Electrics and those odd flannel gaskets that leaked oil persistently. Recycled cricket wear I'd guess. Oh, and the strange coarse Brillo pads used as air filters in SU carburetors. Good for stopping anything larger than pea gravel, which I gather was once a problem in the UK. All that said I still dearly miss my 1958 XK-150 roadster. :>(

5,881 posted on 03/29/2016 11:27:20 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Gefn

You’re welcome Gefn.
I love the Cars, then get to have a Nerd-out seeing how fast I can get the pic onto FR. So that’s two parts of me entertained at once. The rest are usually minesweeping for a food outlet. I’m told it is much like taking a Dog for a walk.....Wow look at that Crome, sniff sniff, hmmm food. :)


5,882 posted on 03/29/2016 11:28:42 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick; stephenjohnbanker

“Or on my street. People drive like nincompoops”

Can’t find that in the Highway Code definition section or the Glossary.... :)


5,883 posted on 03/29/2016 11:31:19 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Covenantor

Started taking pictures like that years ago, interesting bits of something. Need to try it again, it just works when you get it right. (Hmmmm)


5,884 posted on 03/29/2016 11:33:43 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Covenantor; Gefn

“Joseph Lucas started life by selling Oil Lamps, in the 1860s.
1875 they opened a factory making a Petrol powered lamp. (Eeek)
Moving to a larger factory in 1892.
They branched out into electric lighting (Lucas Motoralities) with the advent of the Horseless carriage.
He died in 1902.”


5,885 posted on 03/29/2016 11:40:49 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Covenantor

Recycled Cricket wear....

There is a tradition of Men in Sheds inventing things, so it may not necessarily have been recycled in the traditional sense. :)


5,886 posted on 03/29/2016 11:43:52 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

It’s the sum of all the interesting well crafted and design bits that make the whole beautiful and sometimes wonderous. The craftsmen took obvious pride in their work... not much room for that with stampings.

Proper lighting is key... carry a brolly to block glare and overbright light... “arf a mo mate, woodja ‘old this right ‘ere... Capital!”


5,887 posted on 03/29/2016 11:46:54 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

Wonderful prankster that Joseph Lucas...’splondey things that go bang in the night when you least expected. Grand entertainment.

Obviously a proponent of the Manichean duality, light and darkness but the two sides of the same coin. Revealed in surprising moments for the user.


5,888 posted on 03/29/2016 11:54:08 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LoL, You Bin Practisin’ the ol’ London Strain ,me ol’ Cock Sparra’.

You’re right about the attention to detail.
The widow guides folding down to make tops for the door when the roof is lowered. Just a Fantastic amount of thought gone into the design.


5,889 posted on 03/29/2016 11:54:21 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Covenantor

Oh, that’s BEAUTIFUL! Wow!


5,890 posted on 03/29/2016 11:56:24 AM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: Covenantor; Darksheare

That could be nail on the head time. ...
Speaking of ‘Splodey things...anyone seen the chief of typsos lately?


5,891 posted on 03/29/2016 11:57:49 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick; stephenjohnbanker; Covenantor; NoCmpromiz; moose07

The building I live in is pretty far back from the street, so I seldom hear much traffic. And since I have no windows that face the street, I don’t see the traffic, either.

It’s on a slight incline, so if ever I have trouble starting it, or run out of gas before payday, I can actually coast to the Rebel Station on the corner, down the hill. The slope is enough that I can roll right to the pump. ;o]

We don’t get much crime in this part of town. It’s mostly low income, and lower middle class income (in the homes around here) so it’s not prime territory for thieves. However, now that my car insurance has been lowered, I’m going to get renter’s insurance. I feel like I can’t afford not to.


5,892 posted on 03/29/2016 12:05:08 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: stephenjohnbanker

How long has it been since you drove in LA? THOSE are crazy drivers!


5,893 posted on 03/29/2016 12:05:57 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: Monkey Face; Anoreth

We always had renter’s insurance, and I hope Anoreth does, too. It’s not much for replacement-cost coverage of the few items that are really valuable, or a new set of everything if the old stuff burns.


5,894 posted on 03/29/2016 12:07:08 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

Wouldn’t you love to hear the sound of that squeeze horn though?

;>)


5,895 posted on 03/29/2016 12:08:39 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Gefn; stephenjohnbanker

It was very touching to learn of your kittehs and the memories of them that the quilt gives you. <3

I have quilts, as I don’t care for comforters; most of them are synthetic fabrics and fillings, and with night sweats as bad as I have them, the cotton quilts allow a certain amount of evaporation.

I took the quilt off last month, but have a cotton blanket and the flannel sheets AND the heated mattress pad!

I love cotton!


5,896 posted on 03/29/2016 12:11:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: moose07

*like*


5,897 posted on 03/29/2016 12:12:38 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: Tax-chick

The deductible for the renter’s insurance is $1000, but it covers an awful lot of stuff that I’ve not seen on renter’s insurance in the past.

Personal injury, wind and hail, flood...good things to be insured against.

I’m sure, when I’ve had the insurance for a few years, I can have the policy changed to a lesser deductible.


5,898 posted on 03/29/2016 12:16:23 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: Covenantor

Yessir, I sure would love the sound of that squeeze horn! That would be something awesome! :o])


5,899 posted on 03/29/2016 12:17:42 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("You the Bomb! No, YOU the Bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the Middle East.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’d forgotten it came with a liability rider. Never hurts - anyone can be sued.


5,900 posted on 03/29/2016 12:17:44 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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