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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick

They never replaced the grounding strap on that pole.
It is still dangling in the breeze, and melted bits of it are still laying around.
The grounding wire, oddly plastic covered which is unusual, had burst into flames after being blasted with such current.
The fire department came out afterwards and said, “Well, the fire is out, nothing to worry about” and split.

And the grounding wire was never replaced.


4,261 posted on 02/23/2016 2:36:31 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Monkey Face

” I’m tired, for some reason”

Let’s see, the weather, current events, and the fact that you haven’t been feeling well lately?
Rest well, see you later on at some point.


4,262 posted on 02/23/2016 2:37:29 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Excellent!


4,263 posted on 02/23/2016 4:20:31 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick

That was just too much data! LoL, Ughhh! :)


4,264 posted on 02/23/2016 4:23:57 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Darksheare; NoCmpromiz
Would contacting the Electricity supplier be of any use in this matter?
If the pole is Zotted again the result could travel to connected users’ properties and cause numerous loud bangs and fires.
4,265 posted on 02/23/2016 4:28:39 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

I dunno. I thought I saw that they had clipped a ground onto the guy cable, but I could be wrong.

That transformer, even if located across the street from the end of our drive, does not supply the main house - that feed comes from a transformer on our side of the road about 100ish meters nominal East. It does feed the milk house, but that main has been turned off since we moved in to greatly decrease the possibilities of an electrical fire event brought on by water infiltration due to deferred maintenance of roofing...

The local meter-reader from the affiliate of CON-Ed (emphasis intentional) ‘reads’ it every month though, so it must still be classed as an active account.


4,266 posted on 02/23/2016 4:56:05 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07; NoCmpromiz

“Would contacting the Electricity supplier be of any use in this matter?”

*Darksheare dies laughing”

These are the same guys who decided that five transformers on a taller than standard pole didn’t require any kind of protection from lightning.
Said transformer cluster attracted lightning strikes like a raw steak in a lion enclosure attracts the big kitties.


4,267 posted on 02/23/2016 5:56:59 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare; moose07; NoCmpromiz
"These are the same guys who decided that five transformers on a taller than standard pole didn't require any kind of protection from lightning.
Said transformer cluster attracted lightning strikes like a raw steak in a lion enclosure attracts the big kitties."

Lightning isn't evil. It's just drawn that way.

4,268 posted on 02/23/2016 6:03:26 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Darksheare; NoCmpromiz

They are a waste of carbon then.
Okay. Just a thought. :)


4,269 posted on 02/23/2016 6:10:04 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

4,270 posted on 02/23/2016 7:26:12 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

4,271 posted on 02/24/2016 2:47:32 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07

Definitely a candidate picture for a “what has been seen cannot be unseen” discussion.


4,272 posted on 02/24/2016 4:51:48 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick

Bright-eyed and bushy-faced and ready to face the day!

(Wish that were me!)


4,273 posted on 02/24/2016 5:02:14 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: NicknamedBob; moose07; NoCmpromiz

The best event of multiple ones was this:
Lightning hit one of the five in the cluster, blew out all the power in the area, fried the giant fuse they have up there etc etc.
The power company comes out, replaces the oversized fuse, leaves.
They didn’t check the transformers for leakage, so an hour after the power was back on, there was a bright actinic flash, an amazingly loud “boom”, and the power was back off.
The bottom of the transformer blew off and left a decent dent in the ground below.


4,274 posted on 02/24/2016 5:05:04 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare; moose07; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor

“...Let’s see, the weather, current events, and the fact that you haven’t been feeling well lately?...”

Yes. That could be it. But as I sat here this morning, contemplating that current condition while putting on my shoes and socks, I suddenly realized I only had one sock and went to find the other...how could I have lost it? It’s not that far to the bedroom.

And as I was getting up to check, I looked down and found my missing sock — on my right foot. Is there a penalty for going back to bed?


4,275 posted on 02/24/2016 5:08:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

It must be morning.


4,276 posted on 02/24/2016 5:09:40 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Penalty, ten minutes snoozing.
Loss of upright position.


4,277 posted on 02/24/2016 5:12:28 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Monkey Face
"It must be morning."

Morning. I has broken.

4,278 posted on 02/24/2016 5:17:05 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Darksheare

*sigh*

Maybe I should just go back to bed and start over. With someone else’s body. :o|


4,279 posted on 02/24/2016 5:21:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

“Pardon me, I need to borrow your frame for a few years.”


4,280 posted on 02/24/2016 5:23:22 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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