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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Looks like I’m not the only one who wasn’t up and going this morning. I got up about 5:30, fed the cats, and then went back to bed.


341 posted on 12/16/2015 4:57:56 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

Aw...a dose of floof this morning! Pretty!

I’m here. 37, N @ 5, mph, 35%, wind chill 34.

*shudder*

My mouth wants a salad. How odd. It’s time for breakfast. Still...salad sounds good. I usually buy the little salads at Walmart and one will give me two meals. If I buy the lettuce and other fixings, I have a tendency to forget about them until they begin to grow their own cheering section.


342 posted on 12/16/2015 5:03:50 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

We’re supposed to have a high near 70 today. Tomorrow it will rain.


343 posted on 12/16/2015 5:17:40 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn
"We're supposed to have a high near 70 today."

I could use a high. Most likely I'll settle for oxygen again.

344 posted on 12/16/2015 5:34:08 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; moose07; Darksheare
face, how about some cats and salad fixings...Candid shots of Cabbage Cat Cadre band on tour.


345 posted on 12/16/2015 5:35:36 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Well, that’s not exactly salad material, but for an early morning — something, it’s not too bad!


346 posted on 12/16/2015 5:47:32 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m going to go take a shower in my superheated bathroom. Maybe it will lower my BP somewhat, as it has been pretty high the last few days.

See y’all in 30+...


347 posted on 12/16/2015 5:49:27 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Covenantor

I think the one on the bottom is smoking something stronger than cabbage.


348 posted on 12/16/2015 6:38:25 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m going to make a shopping list.


349 posted on 12/16/2015 6:38:42 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

white cat with purple cabbage is pure blissed out....


350 posted on 12/16/2015 6:42:57 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: moose07

America was settled by Ikea.

Think about it, log cabins are made of wood, and some assembly, with simple tools, is required...


351 posted on 12/16/2015 7:06:16 AM PST by null and void (muslims don't kill people, Climate Change kills people!)
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To: NicknamedBob
You will need photo Unwarrentedconfidence.gif
352 posted on 12/16/2015 7:07:28 AM PST by null and void (muslims don't kill people, Climate Change kills people!)
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To: Monkey Face

20°, feels like 15° here...


353 posted on 12/16/2015 7:10:04 AM PST by null and void (muslims don't kill people, Climate Change kills people!)
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To: null and void

354 posted on 12/16/2015 7:28:14 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Tax-chick

My shopping list is a work in progress. I’m out of ink, now. There’s not enough money in the world to get all the stuff on my list! LOL!

I just had a breathing treatment, and in a bit I will go put my name on the waiting list for an apartment. I dread that. It means that I have to move. Period. I hate that. If I wait long enough, housing will move me. That’s the only good thing about the move. But I sure don’t want to move a second time. At least the place I’m going to check out has covered parking.


355 posted on 12/16/2015 8:43:28 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: null and void

*brrrrrrr*

No thanks!

*shudder*


356 posted on 12/16/2015 8:44:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

My mother has had to move to uncovered parking while they try to fix a water-seepage problem in the garage.


357 posted on 12/16/2015 8:44:21 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: null and void

How are you feeling since you had your thyroid surgery?


358 posted on 12/16/2015 8:48:03 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

We don’t have covered parking here and it makes a lot of difference in the desert.

I’m sorry your mother is inconvenienced by that leak. Sometimes, when we are older, we get used to things that others consider luxuries, and it’s hard to adjust to something less, even for a short time. Been there, done that.

The last time I used a garage, was when Busdaddy and I lived in Northridge CA. We moved out and the entire complex was across the street from the epicenter of the Northridge earth quake. The complex was flattened.


359 posted on 12/16/2015 8:51:53 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

I need to go to Walmart.


360 posted on 12/16/2015 9:07:01 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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