Posted on 03/07/2013 7:02:43 PM PST by RetiredTexasVet
New York City's Czar Michael Bloomberg today proposed banning metal and plastic tableware in NYC.
Czar Bloomberg cited the injuries caused by the metal and plastic tableware as the primary reason for the ban, although environmental and dietary concerns were also factored in the decision.
Czar Bloomberg cited the statistics and chart developed by Dr. Michael Mann, of Global Warming fame, to support the estimated 20,000,000 injuries each year caused by the offending tableware. When Dr. Mann was questioned about the data and the methodology used to develop and prepare the chart, Dr. Mann accused the questioners of being "deniers" and "haters of children". Some reporters noted that the presented chart looked suspiciously similar to the Global Warming "hockey stick" chart but Dr. Mann dismissed it as pure happenstance.
Cass Sunstein had suggested that an environmentally sound and sustainable alternative to metal or plastic tableware was available. Because of the dangers of knives and forks, only "sporks" would be available in the substitute tableware. A high technology cardboard spork is available for use today. The cardboard spork has several advantages over the metal or plastic because it is recyclable, is pliable and will bend rather than puncture, spontaneously starts to degrade within 20 minutes, and compliments the cardboard plates that will be used to replace Styrofoam plates. Additionally, NYC will get two green checkmarks on their Al Gore Saving Humanity report card.
Moo, the President's wife and health and dietary expert, is also in favor of the cardboard sporks because of their property of degrading within 20 minutes. This will limit amount of food that children or adults can consume at a single setting. Additionally schools, restaurants, and parents will required to have all food diced to ensure that it may be consumed without cutting instruments which will greatly aid in digestion as people do not chew their food properly and according to the strict chewing standards set forth in Dept. of Agriculture guidelines.
Stroke of the pen, law of the land. Kinda cool!
It implies that he is talking about in schools.....maybe.
NYC is America’s first dictatorship.
I'm not so sure.
Many refuse to believe that duplicity, lies and an imperious behavior is not sufficient grounds to question underlying qualifications. A bigger, better dictatorship may alreay be in place.
Though I recognize this for what it is...nothing the Bleeping POEvilS known as Bloomberg surprises me. He will one day soon go to join Chavez in a God-forsaken, really hot place that smells of brimstone. May he scream loud enough for the leftist POS voters who elected him to hear his screams...so loud that they understand and know that they will be joining him...
omg, just wait till bloominnutsberg hears about diHydrogen-Oxide.
He probably wants us eating with chop sticks.
My understanding is that spork weasels will also be banned.
Still don’t understand the power of a stupid Governor or even a Mayor of a town. When they have this kind of power, it is time to lynch them! Where is the outrage! This is absolutely ridiculous!
A side note - if New Yorkers continue to accept these crazy and unconstitutional ideas then maybe the deserve their idiotic government! You absolutely stupid New Yorkers!
Sigh! Can’t tell a joke anymore without a laugh track!
Hilarious - thanks.
You should know that posting satire to FR is cruel and inhuman punishment to those on the left slope of the bell curve.
A follow-up article reads:
Bloomberg to Outlaw P*nises
Mayor Bloomberg today has ordered all p*nises in New York to be confiscated without compensation.
“We simply cannot, in all conscience, sit by and allow the endless pursuit of pleasure to lead us to the perilous status of family, with all the concomittant problems of crowding and nutrition,” the Mayor said at a news conference called to announce the move.
“We have therefore given all males in New York three days to turn in their p*nises at the nearest police station, after which special duty police enforcement units will be going door to door and snipping off these very dangerous organs.”
When asked, both President Obama and Attorney General Emmanuel applauded the move, provided only that it was applied exclusively to White Republicans.
Spork him.
:o)
When is he going to ban toilet paper? or has he already?
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