Posted on 06/18/2011 8:15:53 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
Happy Father’s Day!
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
______________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
"Young man, please be kind to my daughter, because if you aren't, I don't mind going to prison again!..LOL!
I just sent these to two of my sons who have daughters. LOL!, I’m sure they will get a kick out of the rules......
What the World needs: Parents with original sayings....
I clicked on the thread because I wanted a chuckle.
It worked.
Unless your name is Weiner, in which case, I will send you and your "package" straight to hell ...
Regarding the honking in the driveway thing - now it is much worse as all they do is pull into the driveway and text. you never know who your kids are hanging with.
Like
and be ready to die if daughter says.....
Daddy my new boyfriend an I have something in common....we’re both seniors !
He’s 56 and she’s 17...
That’s all well and good, but I never wanted to talk to them that long. I wanted them to wonder all night.
When the boy came in to meet me, and he did come in, and shook my hand, and he’d better shake my hand, I would look him directly in his eyes, and in my lowest, and calmest voice say “ Do you know what a Troy-Bilt Chipper Shredder is? Do anything inappropriate with, or to my daughter and I’ll use you to fertilize my garden. I’ll have great tomatoes next year, and no one will ever find you”.
My daughter, in later years, told me a lot of her dates never even tried to kiss her good night, unless she forced the issue, and she couldn’t figure out why. I finally confessed.
When my daughter was a HS freshman, she got asked to prom by a Band Beast whom she, also a band beast, was not too sure of. But she wanted to go to prom, so she asked me to be in the living room, CLEANING MY SHOTGUN, when he arrived for the pre-prom date.
I was. I didn’t know beady little eyes could get so large. :)
But we lied and told him it was a joke, it wasn’t.
However, it also worked. He was a perfect gentleman on that date and on prom night. Normally he was “Handy Andy”, as reported later by other girls. But NOT WITH MY DAUGHTER. :)
Now I have a “Serious Social Purposes” Shotgun that I will be cleaning, God Wiling, when some boys comes to pick up my granddaughters, in 9 to 11 years. If not, my son in law can be cleaning it instead.
Maybe we both should be cleaning guns, when the guys come to pick up the twins? :) I could be cleaning my AR or the scoped G3? What do y’all think?
Any gun cleaning around a young, wide-eyed boy works real well, LOL!
"Uh, Sir, do you shoot that gun often?"
Me: "Only when I have to son, only when I have to..."
What is a Band Beast?
This has been around for awhile. I edited it long ago to personalize it, and not only actually use it for guys dating one of my 3 daughters 26 - 34, but also use it on the boyfriends of my daughters girlfriends if my daughters girlfriends approve - they kinda like it!
This was wonderful. Thank you for posting it. HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL DADS!
Younger fathers could change the Vietnam references to the Gulf War or something more current.
Dated a fine Lebanese girl while attending university. Her MOM held a loaded gun to my head on more than one occasion and told me to “not make any mistakes”.
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