Replies

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER



NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless

accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,

and current medical report from your doctor.



NAME_____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_____________



HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________



SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________



BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________



HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______



Do you have parents?               ___Yes  ___No

Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No

If No, explain:

       ______________________________________________________________



Number of years they have been married ______________________________



If less than your age, explain

       ______________________________________________________________



       ______________________________________________________________





ACCESSORIES SECTION:



A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No



B. A truck with oversized tires?                    __Yes  __No



C. A waterbed?                                      __Yes  __No



D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?            __Yes  __No



E. A tattoo?                                        __Yes  __No



F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,               __Yes  __No

   pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? 



(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION

AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)





ESSAY SECTION: 



In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?



       ______________________________________________________________



       ______________________________________________________________



In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?



       ______________________________________________________________



       ______________________________________________________________



In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?



       ______________________________________________________________



       ______________________________________________________________





REFERENCES SECTION:



Church you attend ___________________________________________________



How often you attend ________________________________________________



When would be the best time to interview your:



       father? _____________



       mother? _____________



       pastor? _____________





SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: 



Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers

are confidential.



A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:



       ______________________________________________________________



B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:



       ______________________________________________________________



C: A woman's place is in the:



       ______________________________________________________________



D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:



       ______________________________________________________________



E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________



       ______________________________________________________________



       ______________________________________________________________



F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:



       ______________________________________________________________



F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________



I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO

THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,

NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE

WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.





_________________________________________________________

Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)





_______________________________      ________________________________

Mother's Signature                   Father's Signature



_______________________________      ________________________________

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                  State Representative/Congressman



Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and

non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.



You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do

not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would

cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be

notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.

(you might watch your back)