Posted on 09/24/2010 4:03:29 PM PDT by EveningStar
Dear Cecil:
My mother has always told me that the real way to spell relief is f-a-r-t. I have always been a person closely attuned to what is truly natural in myself and others and would appreciate an answer to a problem that has haunted me since childhood.
If gas pains are caused by intestinal gas, then how come I never feel better when I fart? All I ever feel is embarrassed.
— Lauran P., Washington, D.C.
(Excerpt) Read more at straightdope.com ...
You just have to be careful not to shart yourself.
The more you eat,
the more you toot.
The more you toot,
the better you feel.
So eat your beans
at every meal!
the dreaded hershey squirt
Yup, gunning it too hard can create soot around the tailpipe.....
I dunno about health but my ex never tooted and everyone knows she has brain damage.
Here I sit
Broken Hearted
Paid my dime
And only farted
It’s still around but some of the older articles are real classics. LOL. :)
You dog!
My husband says holding it in COULD KILL YOU. I always ask how he manages in his big, important meetings. He never has an answer!
She needs to learn how to ease them out. Technique is important. Find an empty isle at the grocery store and slowly walk down it while silently letting it out.
Then...wait down at the end and watch the facial expressions as people come down the isle.
Brings to mind that scene from Blazing Saddles.
This will become relevant because of Obama’s Beans and Weenies economy.
“watch the facial expressions as people come down the isle”
I guy I worked with called them “air biscuits”.
hehe.
I once had an aunt that needed to see Dr. McGee but she had passed on, so all is fresh and silent in our part of woods.
I lol’d. But here is the best of the genre as far as I can tell:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9KM_EERQtY&feature=related
Women “toot”, men “fart”.
When a woman toots, she just stinks up the room.
For us guys it’s a completive thing, similar to the sport we played as little boys—who could spit the furthest. It’s all a matter of pride.
So, not farting or being allowed to spit could erode our self-esteem, and completive drive. It is that competitive drive that got us to leave the caves and it has seen us through the battles of war.
I am man, hear me fart.........
That's the way my dad used to say it.
Hubby, his brother, and their friends used to have burping contests using Alka-seltzer and Coke. Talking in the “devil voice” was the highlight of the contest.
I’m gassing this will be entertaining.
The artistic impulse will not be silenced.
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