Post some good jokes

[A_cool_guy]

I know some jokes, but I don't know any good political jokes!! Could everyone post some good jokes here?

Thanks,

A_cool_guy

[Darksheare]

Well, I did play drums once, long ago.
I think I was 8 or so.

I’m now 33.

[AnAmericanMother]

A mere child.

Lots of time to practice.

"Don't you boys know any NICE songs?"

- Joe's Mother, from Zappa's "Joe's Garage".

[Darksheare]

Way out of practice, and they don’t make Hickory II drum sticks anymore.
(Grr)
That, and I’m now completely right handed.
My left hand is merely a paperweight or a semi-useful attachment for poking a few keys here and there.

[Pippin]

You had to do it! LOL!

[NicknamedBob]

I try not to communicate with the Devil, but I often consult his dictionary.

For example:

PAST, n.
That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance.

A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future.

These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike.

The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.

The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song.

In the one crouches Memory, clad in sackcloth and ashes, mumbling penitential prayer;
in the sunshine of the other Hope flies with a free wing, beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease.

Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow.

They are one -- the knowledge and the dream.

Poetic, isn't it?

[sionnsar]

“Speak of the devil, and somebody will ping him.”

Eh? You pinged? >*\;-)

[sionnsar]

The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song.

Somebody got something backwards here, methinks.

[NicknamedBob]

Mr. Bierce was a notedly acerbic individual.

[sionnsar]

Whereas I am merely cynical. Or not, as the case may be. (Outside of being packed, which I’ve not really started, I’m almost ready to go on the trip.)

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song.

Not to hear some people talk about it.

The past was a hazy dreamland where all children were polite, all people were employed and everyone had their own vine and fig tree to sit under without worrying about who was coming over the wall.

The future is "Half-Life," if we are lucky.

[NicknamedBob]

Come, come my man! There is no wishy-washiness in cynicism!

Sink the blade boldly and deftly.

.

I, of course, am merrily optimistic. While we may agree that the world is doomed, I like to look on the bright side, and laugh like a clever Sicilian right up to the end.

[NicknamedBob]

"The past was a hazy dreamland where all children were polite, all people were employed and everyone had their own vine and fig tree to sit under without worrying about who was coming over the wall. The future is "Half-Life," if we are lucky."

This can only obtain if one is navigating his way to the future while looking backwards.

Of course in that aspect the view is better in the past, and the danger is more exaggerated in the going forward.

Obviously Bierce meant that the past is the repository of all our regrets, while the future is the source of all our inspiration. What a merry fellow he must have been!

[sionnsar]

Come, come my man! There is no wishy-washiness in cynicism!

Oh, I agree with you 100%! The question is simply whether I am cynical or not.

When I feel cynical, I know I will laugh after the end. Otherwise, I know I will laugh both before and after the end. This world is ultimately doomed, but we are not.

You can't look any more on the brighter side than that unless your name happens to be Candide.

[NicknamedBob]

"The question is simply whether I am cynical or not."

I see that I must take you under my wing.

Somewhere short of suffocation, you will understand the proper response.

[sionnsar]

Obviously Bierce meant that the past is the repository of all our regrets, while the future is the source of all our inspiration. What a merry fellow he must have been!

Well, I disagree with him on both accounts.

The future can be a repository of regrets and fear: "I will not be able to meet the coming demand"

The past can be a source of inspiration: "Look at what I have accomplished despite... I can do more"

I have lived and continue to live in both realms. It'll never be easy, but I keep working to do more -- and help others do the same.

But this is way too serious a discussion for the Undead Thread.

[NicknamedBob]

"But this is way too serious a discussion for the Undead Thread."

You must be joking!

Not one person in three, present company included, has any idea what we are talking about.

.

It's perfect for the Undead Thread!

[sionnsar]

Maybe, maybe not.

For my part I'm near the end of a long and difficult day, with a long journey "tomorrow." If I can poke my head in from Helsinki I will, otherwise I'll rejoin y'all in a week from now.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Inside every true cynic beats the heart of a disappointed idealist.

That is why they are so wonderful, show them that things can indeed be better and they will move heaven and earth to make it happen.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

But this is way too serious a discussion for the Undead Thread.

Maybe for a Friday night but it fits the gloomy "Ugh, tomorrow is Monday" mood that I am in tonight.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

All I need now is a cup of bad coffee.