Posted on 03/28/2008 3:56:43 PM PDT by WFTR
The last thread I hosted was called "The Bucket List" and was based loosely on a movie that I'd never seen. I'm repeating the idea of threads about movies I've never seen again this week. In my defense, this one wasn't my idea. Someone else suggested a discussion of platonic friendships between men and women and the idea from the "Harry met Sally" movie that those friendships can't exist. I'm going to add an idea from a news story this week in part because the story seemed amusing and in part because I wonder whether there is a connection.
From what I've heard, the idea behind the movie When Harry Met Sally is that men, or at least Bill Crystal's character, believe that they can never have a truly platonic relationship with a woman because they'll eventually want to have sex with that woman. I don't remember whether this idea applies only to situations where the man feels a strong physical attraction to a woman or whether any man will eventually want to have sex with any woman. Apparently, "Harry" claims that this desire will eventually doom the friendship because the man won't be able to endure the stress of the unfulfilled desire.
The second part of the topic is a short article that was published this week claiming that the happiest marriages are those where the woman is more physically attractive than the man. The whole article is only a few sentences and can be found at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340869,00.html. Important points in the article include the fact that only 82 couples were included in the study and that they had been married only six months. The study that led to the article requires a subscription to read, so I don't know whether the details of the study strengthen the idea.
Combining these topics leads to several points of discussion.
First, do you agree with the idea that men and women cannot form platonic friendships? Are those friendships destined to be disrupted by sexual desire on one side or the other? If so, does that desire generally come from the man? If those friendships are possible, what are the factors that lead to those friendships and what are the factors that make them impossible? Is appearance a big part of the equation?
Secondly, do you agree with the idea that marriages will generally be better if the woman is more attractive than the man? Obviously, if you're a guy, you're going to look at any couple and find the woman more attractive, but in a more objective sense, will the relationship be stronger if the woman is more attractive? If you're a gal, you're likely to see things just the opposite, but the same question applies.
Regarding looks, do you think personality and intelligence are as big a priority to most men as they are to you?
Not really. :)
1. Companionship
2. Tired of looking for “LOVE”
3. Don’t believe in or want LOVE anymore
4. Financial reasons
5. Caring for someone enough, even though love isn’t there
6. common goals
Most of these could come under the umbrella of “marriage of convenience”, an old-fashioned term. Love is not necessary for a successful marriage. Also, love can develop from a caring relationship.
Typical guy. A little pyromaniac boy.... living in a man's body. lol
I don't mind the burning... it's the chopping and raking that get to me. I usually save the bonfires for the weekends when the grandkids come down. They love to roast marshmallows and find more sticks to fuel the flames.
It's not pretty, although with the right friends you've just increased the people to worry over and love on. :-)
Regarding attractive, I'd say that you can use whatever definition you please. Imagine your ideal man in terms of appearance. Would he seem to be a good fit for a woman who is not at all attractive physically?
I hadn't thought of that. My ideal man probably wouldn't want completely not attractive, but might be happy with cute, or not enhanced looks.
To me, the interesting part of your answer is that when you described "a Man" you didn't describe any physical attributes. Do you have any physical preferences?
Hmm, good point. I suppose I do have some general characteristics I look for in a man. I'm 5'2" and built on the lines of not stick thin, so my preference is a man who is taller and stronger than I am. I suppose in a way it's an age old instinct of is this man a protector, can I count on him to protect myself and others should I be incapacitated and unable to help. Hair/Eye/Skin color aren't that important to me, just that a man takes care of his appearance (neat and clean) and that he's trustworthy. I'm an old throwback, there are times I swear I was born in the wrong century. Although a good sense of humor is an absolute must. I openly admit that my sense of humor is slightly skewed. At least I easily entertain myself with what I think is funny.
Paying off credit cards is a good thing. I'm much more excited by the idea of a woman who is financially responsible than I am by the idea of a woman who lives in debt.
Well, I did just buy my first house in Nov. WOOO! I have been working to get out of debt (not serious debt). It's just as I get older, I find I don't need the best and newest stuff. My car is paid for, my house is not, but I have reasonable payments (cheaper than my rent was) and I have two cards with minimum maximums and I want them to go away. My mortgage company loved me... that whole debt to income ratio they look at. (RME)
My biggest expense comes from buying books. I love books. I have a ton of books: History, Sci-Fi, Horror, Romance, Mystery, Westerns...both electronic and hard copy. I ran out of bookcases.
(chuckling) I recently had a male friend tell me that I would be a hit at a sci-fi convention. I think he was calling me a geek.
LOL Yep
Had that once......wouldn't do it again. I'd rather be lonely alone... than lonely in my husband's bed.
I too did that, I was miserable. Although to give the devil his due, we married more for the idea of love and combining incomes more than an understanding of how much work it can be to be mature responsible adults. I wouldn't wish that lesson on anyone.
Although the alone thing is an interesting point. I have been alone and not lonely, perhaps wishing for someone to do things with, and then I have been with people and been more lonely than I could stand.
A girlfriend of mine goes out constantly, she's extremely gregarious and has the view point of having fun and not looking. She got burned badly last year. I'm completely opposite, not so gregarious. I don't do well in huge groups..you'll find me hugging the wall and trying to escape out the sliding door. Plus that whole jumping in and out of beds thing that some people do, complete and utter turn off. (shudder)
No. ;^)
There is a Freeper named Dog. Politically astute. Interest in frisbees and marital status unknown.
Although there are dog-rental outfits these days at some beaches, I’ve heard, that are supposedly helpful in breaking the conversational ice.
What do you mean by "enhanced?"
I seem to remember some article recently that talked about asking different people to rate the attractiveness of various men and women. I can't remember whether that article was related to this study or whether I was reading about some other study. I mention that point because the question of what is more or less attractive is sometimes interesting.
For instance, most people would say that Catherine Zeta-Jones is a beautiful woman. I agree. I don't know whether you know who Brook Burk is, but she's also very beautiful. I suspect that most people would rank Catherine Zeta-Jones as more beautiful in the classic sense and Brook Burk as cuter. If I could have a "clone" of either of them, I'd rather have Brook Burk. In other words, I'd be picking "cute" over "beautiful." Obviously, she would be marrying ugly if she agreed to marry me.
When I hear "enhanced," I think of someone who has had extensive cosmetic surgery. There's an old saying that the real gift of an artist is knowing when to stop. I've often said that there are few artists among cosmetic surgeons. "Enhanced" tends to have slightly negative connotations to me in terms of what I'd find attractive. On the other hand, Brook Burk has had quite a few cosmetic improvements. She simply had a surgeon who was a real artist.
Most men are going to be taller than you are, and as a general rule, men will be stronger than women will be. However, nothing about looks necessarily says how effective a man can be as a protector. Plenty of small guys are extremely tough and extremely good fighters. Some of them tend to have a "metrosexual" look and personality in some ways, but they have tremendous physical toughness. Of course, neat and clean are completely physical attributes.
I'm also something of a book person. My aunt and uncle have thousands of books. I'm getting closer. I guess I'm currently about a thousand or so pages behind on my reading. Of course, I have dozens of books that I inherited but haven't tried to read. I recently bought a couple of books on sale at Books-a-Million's website. I'll get to them at some point.
Opening day is in a few days...can't wait. My baseball road trip (I'm a Giants fan) is to Kansas City to see Giants/Royals play in June, although I've always wanted to check out ATL and Turner Field (despite who it's named after). ;)
I don't think I could ever teach a pet reptile to catch a frisbee, and they are just too slow to chase one.
I agree. I'm not lonely (don't have time) because my job and family keep me running. The longer I'm single though.....the more I've come to enjoy it.
I was 17 when I married the first time.. and that lasted 26yrs. I was single and living with Mom for 2 years after that ....then married again...to that "friend" I spoke of. We held it together for almost 4 years.... and now ....I've been single and living alone for 5 years. It's beginning to feel very comfortable.
Probably exactly what you think, plastic surgery to the point the body looks false. I probably should have chosen a better word. Everyone does some sort of enhancements... a cut of clothing, eyeliner, minor things. But boob jobs... I hate to tell some women that unless you are an A cup, they are supposed to mash up just a little when you lay on them. (have you seen the movie Top Secret with Val Kilmer, there's a scene in there that shows what I mean exactly.)
I seem to remember some article recently that talked about asking different people to rate the attractiveness of various men and women. I can't remember whether that article was related to this study or whether I was reading about some other study. I mention that point because the question of what is more or less attractive is sometimes interesting.
For instance, most people would say that Catherine Zeta-Jones is a beautiful woman. I agree. I don't know whether you know who Brook Burk is, but she's also very beautiful. I suspect that most people would rank Catherine Zeta-Jones as more beautiful in the classic sense and Brook Burk as cuter. If I could have a "clone" of either of them, I'd rather have Brook Burk. In other words, I'd be picking "cute" over "beautiful." Obviously, she would be marrying ugly if she agreed to marry me.
Ok, I had to go look Brook up. I think both women are beautiful. And I am insanely jealous in the most postive of ways. :-)
What is attractive to the opposite sex is fascinating. The perfect people, the "10s" that are considered perfect by society at large.. I don't much care for them. Oh, they're great to look at, and don't get me wrong, I look! but in real life, I want natural.
Hmm.. it's harder to explain than I thought.. let me see if I can get the point made..words are such fallable things. :-)
For me, seeing the natural muscles of a man while he works.. that's sexy. Body builders.. not so much. The tan because someone works outside, that's hot (although I burn like the dickens so I have to get a layer from a tanning salon before going outside to burn like a lobster.) Crinkles at the eyes because someone has thoroughly enjoyed life, that's good. Totally smooth skin? Unless you are a baby, that's not natural or at least not natural to me.
Did you ever meet or see Texas Cowboy or COB1 as he was known before he passed? That man was a tall, drink of water. If he had been younger and free.... lol
But then, if money and time were no options, I might have some work done myself.. and get a personal trainer. (sheepish grin)
Yeah, I'm a midget. :-) What's annoying is the men in my family ..6'4" is the shortest one. I so didn't get that gene. But I look exactly like my mother who looks exactly like her mother. Completely hereditory.
True, true I know size doesn't equal protection, so I am not explaining it well. I think it's a comf..no that's not it.. a perception of comfort, that this person can be leaned on if needed, and granted I have dated some short men who are physically tough but the mental toughness .. that's so subjective. That's why the whole dating thing was invented, so you can put your perceptions to reality. Or I could just have a thing for tall men. (shrug) :-)
“I’m stealing that!!!”
I’m flattered.
As per your freepmail;
39 y/o male, single by the whim of God, not looking for anyone special but if that were to drop into my lap somewhere down the line, I’d feel blessed.
Thank you! I am so excited by it. I have things I want to remodel. I am addicted to DIY stuff. My tool box is awesome!
I know what you mean about not needing to have the newest and best of everything as I get older. I find myself talking to friends who make less than half of what I do but who keep acquiring more toys than I do. Instead, I'm working hard to own my house free and clear.
Yeah, I have friends like that too. I don't understand them, but if they're happy more power to them. My toys are pretty simple, except when I get the wild hair to purchase another gun. hehe
I'm also something of a book person. My aunt and uncle have thousands of books. I'm getting closer. I guess I'm currently about a thousand or so pages behind on my reading. Of course, I have dozens of books that I inherited but haven't tried to read. I recently bought a couple of books on sale at Books-a-Million's website. I'll get to them at some point.
I understand. I set aside time each evening for "rika time". I can read, play with the dog, sit and relax. I work some long days, so I look forward to that time to set and be still. Have you looked into ebooks? Instant gratification and tons of options, and they take up less space. I am partial to www.ebookwise.com and www.fictionwise.com. I blow my book budget every month, good thing I pad it!
Good for you. :-)
I understand the job and family stuff. I am trying to get my boss to understand that I really don’t live at the office. He’s being recalcitrant on that issue. :-)
I find that I like my life 90% of the time, but if the good lord decided to drop the right guy in front of me, I wouldn’t run the other direction.
LOL, I have often thought that there should be a check list, of likes / don’t likes, hobbies, wants, desires, etc that people could run down and see if they are initially compatible and then take it from there. There would be a section for possible options and stuff.
Let’s see...
Conservative
Sense of hummor
Not living in Mom’s basement... (I swear to you, my last date, he did. It was scary.. it also didn’t go to date two.)
SCUBA
Dogs
Guns
Miscellany... (that’s a big sub catagory)
hehehe
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