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***The OFFICIAL Weekend Singles Thread*** March 28-30 - Platonic Friends and Marrying Ugly
March 28, 2008 | WFTR

Posted on 03/28/2008 3:56:43 PM PDT by WFTR

Welcome to the Weekend Singles' Thread

The last thread I hosted was called "The Bucket List" and was based loosely on a movie that I'd never seen. I'm repeating the idea of threads about movies I've never seen again this week. In my defense, this one wasn't my idea. Someone else suggested a discussion of platonic friendships between men and women and the idea from the "Harry met Sally" movie that those friendships can't exist. I'm going to add an idea from a news story this week in part because the story seemed amusing and in part because I wonder whether there is a connection.

From what I've heard, the idea behind the movie When Harry Met Sally is that men, or at least Bill Crystal's character, believe that they can never have a truly platonic relationship with a woman because they'll eventually want to have sex with that woman. I don't remember whether this idea applies only to situations where the man feels a strong physical attraction to a woman or whether any man will eventually want to have sex with any woman. Apparently, "Harry" claims that this desire will eventually doom the friendship because the man won't be able to endure the stress of the unfulfilled desire.

The second part of the topic is a short article that was published this week claiming that the happiest marriages are those where the woman is more physically attractive than the man. The whole article is only a few sentences and can be found at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340869,00.html. Important points in the article include the fact that only 82 couples were included in the study and that they had been married only six months. The study that led to the article requires a subscription to read, so I don't know whether the details of the study strengthen the idea.

Combining these topics leads to several points of discussion.

First, do you agree with the idea that men and women cannot form platonic friendships? Are those friendships destined to be disrupted by sexual desire on one side or the other? If so, does that desire generally come from the man? If those friendships are possible, what are the factors that lead to those friendships and what are the factors that make them impossible? Is appearance a big part of the equation?

Secondly, do you agree with the idea that marriages will generally be better if the woman is more attractive than the man? Obviously, if you're a guy, you're going to look at any couple and find the woman more attractive, but in a more objective sense, will the relationship be stronger if the woman is more attractive? If you're a gal, you're likely to see things just the opposite, but the same question applies.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: attractiveness; dating; friendships; marrying; singles
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To: darkangel82

I know what you mean. I still watch some sports, but I become frustrated by what they’ve often become. The problem isn’t just that the players are making too much money. The problem is that there’s so much money to be made in something that shouldn’t be that important. I’m not saying that the government should do something about the situation. That’s the last thing our society needs. I’m just amazed that so much or our productivity is going into some of these sports.


41 posted on 03/28/2008 5:18:00 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: WFTR

Yeah me too. The hospital rules are so tough. It is heartbreaking when you are the person’s only person and visa versa.


42 posted on 03/28/2008 5:19:11 PM PDT by A knight without armor
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To: WFTR
1. No

2. Yard work

3. Buy tires for my car.

43 posted on 03/28/2008 5:19:33 PM PDT by LaineyDee (Don't mess with Texas wimmen!)
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To: cripplecreek

we’ve agreed to marry if we’re single once we’re too old for sex...

Would you let me know what year that is??


44 posted on 03/28/2008 5:19:44 PM PDT by Chickensoup (If it is not permitted, it is prohibited. Only the government can permit....)
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To: WFTR

“What’s Chris Rock’s take on platonic friends? I don’t listen to him.”

A man with a woman “friend” is just a guy that was trying to get laid, screwed up and wound up in the “friend zone.”

A male “friend” to a woman? A d*ck in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass!”

-Chris Rock


45 posted on 03/28/2008 5:19:53 PM PDT by Grunthor (I promise in November to be just as loyal to the GOP as Juan McAmnesty has been)
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To: WFTR

Been there too.


46 posted on 03/28/2008 5:20:28 PM PDT by Grunthor (I promise in November to be just as loyal to the GOP as Juan McAmnesty has been)
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To: RikaStrom
Yes, although when your friend gets married or finds a girlfriend, you have to be friends with them too, and that can be slightly dicey.

I hadn't thought of this situation, but you're the second person to mention it. I guess I've just never been there.

Regarding attractive, I'd say that you can use whatever definition you please. Imagine your ideal man in terms of appearance. Would he seem to be a good fit for a woman who is not at all attractive physically? To me, the interesting part of your answer is that when you described "a Man," you didn't describe any physical attributes. Do you have any physical preferences?

Paying off credit cards is a good thing. I'm much more excited by the idea of a woman who is financially responsible than I am by the idea of a woman who lives in debt.

47 posted on 03/28/2008 5:28:31 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: WFTR
First.....I think men and women can have a platonic relationship (if they work at it). Unfortunately, many times either the man or woman becomes more involved than the other....which generally kills it.

I had a good friend I used to go to the blues clubs with. We always had a great time and enjoyed ourselves. He eventually told me he felt a great deal more for me than just friendship. I didn't. After that......we tried to maintain a friendship.. but he needed a more permanent, involved relationship....so we went our own ways.

On the second question......I don't think it really matters. I've dated handsome and homely men.....but personality and intelligence catches my eye moreso than looks.........BUT... there is a certain "look" that will turn my head. :P

48 posted on 03/28/2008 5:29:43 PM PDT by LaineyDee (Don't mess with Texas wimmen!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I think women are willing to date a less attractive man if he has money and buys her lots of stuff;-)


49 posted on 03/28/2008 5:29:49 PM PDT by toothfairy86
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I’m still not sure whether I believe that women are really taking looks into account to a great extent. I think they notice looks, but I’m not sure how much they are really drawn to looks. More than anything else, I think women are drawn to self-confidence, but guys who look good tend to grow up with self-confidence.


50 posted on 03/28/2008 5:30:29 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: LaineyDee

Yard work seems to be the popular way to spend that extra hour of daylight. Would that be your first choice or are you just stuck with doing the work because it must be done?


51 posted on 03/28/2008 5:32:11 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: Grunthor

Chris Rock’s take is interesting, but again, he must not have had as many unattractive, married, or work friends as I have. I’ve often gone into friendships with no intention of having sex someday.


52 posted on 03/28/2008 5:34:41 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: WFTR; Dog

“I’d still love to have someone with whom to throw frisbee in a park somewhere.”

Pinging Dog.


53 posted on 03/28/2008 5:37:09 PM PDT by The Spirit Of Allegiance (Public Employees: Honor Your Oaths! Defend the Constitution from Enemies--Foreign and Domestic!)
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To: Grunthor

“... way too fugly to be that much of a b*tch.”

I’m stealing that!!!


54 posted on 03/28/2008 5:40:05 PM PDT by PLMerite ("Unarmed, one can only flee from Evil. But Evil isn't overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper)
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To: WFTR
I'm much more excited by the idea of a woman who is financially responsible than I am by the idea of a woman who lives in debt.

I had to chuckle when I read that. I've been totally out of debt (with the exception of my house) twice in the past 10 years. After going to college for the past 3 years and living on student loans to get 'er dun..... I will be on the wire for awhile. That makes me more of a hindrance than a help....in the dating world. So.....if most guys think like that....I can hang it up for the next 5 years. :)

55 posted on 03/28/2008 5:41:09 PM PDT by LaineyDee (Don't mess with Texas wimmen!)
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To: WFTR

Well... someone has to do it! lol. I have a couple acres partially cleared. The trees have dropped a million limbs... so I’m raking and burning.....every chance I get. I love “gardening”.....but hate yardwork.


56 posted on 03/28/2008 5:44:50 PM PDT by LaineyDee (Don't mess with Texas wimmen!)
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To: LaineyDee
I tend to agree with your analysis. If the friendship is meeting the needs of both people and neither of them sees the other as the way to meet other needs, then a platonic friendship may work very well. The problem is that once something falls out of balance, things can crash very quickly. I think of a spinning top that would suddenly have something stuck on one side. The loss of balance would make the top fall. Maintaining that balance requires that both people make an effort to maintain the balance.

Many of the women at the plant where I work are very attractive and have great non-physical attributes. Many of them are married, so I have to keep things on a friendship level for that reason, but I also try to keep things on a friendship level for the sake of professionalism. I'm sometimes talking to one of them and think, "She's perfect. She's smart, treats me well, and is beautiful." However, I work hard not to let those thoughts linger or dwell on these women as anything other than platonic friends and co-workers. When feelings start to make the top wobble, I have to get control of my feelings quickly.

Regarding looks, do you think personality and intelligence are as big a priority to most men as they are to you?

57 posted on 03/28/2008 5:45:15 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: The Spirit Of Allegiance

Are you saying that I should get a dog?


58 posted on 03/28/2008 5:46:33 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: LaineyDee
So.....if most guys think like that..

There's no "most" of any group of people that sees things the way that I do.

59 posted on 03/28/2008 5:48:10 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: LaineyDee

I wish I were closer to your neck of the woods. I like chopping up branches with the machete and burning. I’d come to the next bonfire. I don’t care for mowing, weed eating, or any other aspects of tending a yard, but I can burn dead stuff with the best of them. Of course, if I had that much land, I’d also have a tendency to drag stuff into a brush pile in the woods somewhere because brush piles tend to attract birds.


60 posted on 03/28/2008 5:50:16 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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