The Official Friday Silliness Thread Salutes Shameless Promotion Month!

McGraw-Hill.com ^ | September 29, 2006 (29 Settembre 2006) | Sully777

[sully777]

The month of September is officially Shameless Self-Promotion Month. And we care enough to honor that promise of self-promotion with stunning, unparalleled commitment never before seen in the world. Our competitors may shrink back in shy impotence like the girly boys they really are. But we shall never faulter. We're the best, most profitable, least worrisome, highest quality, perfect credit to our gender, brightest, silliest, nicest smelling, best dressed, most comfortable with small dogs, most talented, elite, A-list, baddest mofos, with the firmest body contours this side of Beverly Hills in all cyberspace. You have our word on it.

[JRios1968]

People Skills Month

In honor of People Skills Month, I say

Present!!

You lousy bum...

[ukie55]

Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month

They have to have a month to remind us to do that? How bad is that?

[ErnBatavia]

Holy Toledo...I slept in and still made top 50? Vas ist?

[Reaganesque]

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Month

That's great! I've always said that it's important to....uh...hmmm.....Hey! Wanna go fishing?

[CSM]

Finally, I have a joke to post:

---

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those jerks deducted $95.00 in taxes.

[The_Victor]

Update Your Resume Month

[fredhead]

Let's go!!!!

(see tagline)

[Sax]

Subject: Talking Clock

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his
friends late one night after they dropped him off from the bar. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a
big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch this" the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the
gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood
looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You
asshole..it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

[genefromjersey]

http://insidestraight.typepad.com/the_inside_straight/2006/09/abu_hamza_almuh.html

[Michael Goldsberry]

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House," for instance, is feminine, "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine, "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1) No one but their creator understands their internal logic,

2) The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else,

3) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval, and

4) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("El computador"), because:

1) In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on,

2) They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves,

3) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem, and

4) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Note: The women won.

[rightwingintelligentsia]

Finally, I too have a joke to post:

A Steelers fan, a Browns fan and a Titans fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Titans fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before he whip went through. The Titans fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Browns fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Browns fan out crying like a little girl.

The Steelers fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said,

"You support the greatest team in the world, your team has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

Thanks, your most Royal highness," the Steelers fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.

"Tie the Browns fan to my back."

[Egon]

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Month

That's great! I've always said that it's important to....uh...hmmm.....Hey! Wanna go fishing?

I'm kinda surprised it's not February-- wouldn't that be shorter?

[Auntbee]

Happy Friday sully. Wow, top 50!!

[Izzy Dunne]

Somebody help me, I'm too White & Nerdy.

[Izzy Dunne]

I honor of PEOPLE SKILLS MONTH, I offer the following lessons from Terry Tate, Office Linebacker.

[fredhead]

"No phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury
Like Robinson Cru-soe it's a primitive as can be"

Not "Gilligan's Island", it's Weird Al's "Amish Paradise"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7428487200380416428&q=AMISH+PARADISE&hl=en

[fredhead]

Is Terry Tate any relation to Cpt. Wedley, Battalion Disciplinator?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5709214217242074075&q=cpt+wedley

[KevinDavis]

Maybe I should post some quizes....

[Gay State Conservative]

My God...I haven't seen that Wendy's commercial in years.
I think it's one of the funniest things ever to have appeared on TV!

[BJClinton]

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords
http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&t=k&q=Germany&ie=UTF8&z=18&ll=48.857699,10.205451&spn=0.002404,0.006738&om=1