Posted on 10/14/2005 5:56:14 AM PDT by BJClinton
When did I get so old? I mean really, party 'til sunrise was a way of life. Last night we had a little batchelor party for one of the last of my high-school friends to get married. Let's just say this hurts. I'm going to go get some aspirin, water and try to find that phone that just won't stop ringing. Meanwhile, let the silliness commence.
New England Rum, constantly used to wash the hair, keeps it very clean and free from disease...
An ounce of quicksilver, beat up with the white of two eggs, is the cleanest and surest bedbug poison.
Honey mixed with pulverized charcoal is said to be excellent to cleanse the teeth, and make them white.
Ear-Wax-
Nothing is better than Ear-Wax to prevent the painful effects resulting from a wound by a nail, skewer, &c
(My favorite) For the prevention of Sore Nipples-
Put twenty grains of sugar of lead into a vial with one gill of rose-water; shake it up thoroughly; wet a piece of soft linen with this preperation, and put it on; renew this as often as the linen becomes dry.
LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL
According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..
There are teachers, and then there are Educators.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music,
no choreography and the dancers hit each other."
egg salad at an orgie...might cause some probs, don't you think?
Work has been crazy this morning. I am hoping the afternoon will be slow. I have not had a moment of silliness except for your pings.
So, in total non-Jersey fashion, Thank you.
16 years later and we're still married. And I still screw up sometimes.
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
LOL
Well, its chilly and rainy here in the Northeast, so, that wasnt an issue!
Never been to Texas, not sure if I could handle the heat.
btw: okay, truth be told, I left the stockings off.
MM
LOL. G'mornin'
One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. But I'll decide who leaves."
Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it, was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and
over he dove in and surfaced with nothing.
Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Jesse said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse.
The devil opened a third door.
Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said . . . . . . . . . (This is priceless)
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
Dept. meeting in 20 minutes.
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I remember a health textbook from back in grade school (mid-60's) that stated the you should bathe at least once a week, and maybe daily in the summer.
When I showed that to my Mom, she was not amused.
:o)
Hey, someone here didnt like my mouse post..it got pulled !
MM
Eeeeew! What a visual!
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