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V A N I T Y -HUMOR-Things to do at Wal-Mart while your partner is taking their sweet time:
Forwarded email | Today | A truely whacked mind

Posted on 10/13/2005 7:46:27 AM PDT by StJulian Perlmutter

 

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.   

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.   

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.   

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.   

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.   

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.   

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.   

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'   

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.   

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.   

12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.   

13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!   

14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!

And; last, but not least!   

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 


TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: humor; joke; laugh; levity; walmart
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To: HairOfTheDog; Owl_Eagle
Hey I am not being condescending, I am speaking truth. The Wal-Mart I am referring to has a person that looks like the missing link walking around. I swear the woman is one step up from a shaved gorilla. SCARY!!
81 posted on 10/13/2005 9:30:13 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
Hey I am not being condescending, I am speaking truth. The Wal-Mart I am referring to has a person that looks like the missing link walking around. I swear the woman is one step up from a shaved gorilla. SCARY!!

I'm sure the fact that she was not born beautiful is more distressing for her than it is for you.

There's uglier things than being ugly.

82 posted on 10/13/2005 9:33:02 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog (Join the Hobbit Hole Troop Support - http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net/)
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To: Dont Mention the War; GWfan
If you really want to cause trouble, pick up one of those intercom phones and shout "Code brown in the pharmacy!" over the PA system. "Code brown" is Wal-Mart Speak for someone getting shot.

I thought it meant, "Drunk lady in the dressing rooms."

83 posted on 10/13/2005 9:33:54 AM PDT by Erasmus ("They caught my honey makin' booze, but you know I love her still")
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To: HairOfTheDog
"I'm sure the fact that she was not born beautiful is more distressing for her than it is for you."

I know that, I was not born beautiful either.

84 posted on 10/13/2005 9:35:28 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: wideawake

You can just keep that our little secret....


85 posted on 10/13/2005 9:45:42 AM PDT by nevergore (“It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.”)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
I know that, I was not born beautiful either.

Sure you were!


If you want a Google GMail account, FReepmail me.
They're going fast!

86 posted on 10/13/2005 9:48:56 AM PDT by rdb3 (Have you ever stopped to think, but forgot to start again?)
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To: rdb3

Um, did you see my picture?


87 posted on 10/13/2005 9:50:56 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

Somehow I'm willing to bet you're quite attractive.


88 posted on 10/13/2005 9:55:14 AM PDT by RockinRight (I am beginning to think conservatism is buried somewhere under New Orleans mud...)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick; rdb3; RockinRight
Somehow I'm willing to bet you're quite attractive.

See, I told you that you were cute!!!

Everyone can see it!!!

It's your special fonts.

89 posted on 10/13/2005 10:06:53 AM PDT by Dashing Dasher ( Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild.)
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To: RockinRight

Somehow I'm willing to bet you're quite attractive.




She is. She posted her picture once.


90 posted on 10/13/2005 10:11:15 AM PDT by Auntbee (Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.)
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To: Auntbee

WHERE?

Where??


91 posted on 10/13/2005 10:11:44 AM PDT by RockinRight (I am beginning to think conservatism is buried somewhere under New Orleans mud...)
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To: RockinRight

I don't remember which thread it was on. Might have been an OFST, not sure.


92 posted on 10/13/2005 10:13:17 AM PDT by Auntbee (Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
Be careful! I have seen some real sideshow freaks working at the Wal-Mart,

I can just hear it now, "Let me treat him, Boss. I never had a chance to work one of those defib-ulater thingies before."

93 posted on 10/13/2005 10:17:34 AM PDT by oyez
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To: Dashing Dasher

I don't see it.


94 posted on 10/13/2005 10:25:53 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: StJulian Perlmutter

Ditch her and try picking up the ladies shopping in Wal Mart's lingerie department.


95 posted on 10/13/2005 10:26:47 AM PDT by Clemenza (Gentlemen, Behold!)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
Um, did you see my picture?

No, but don't argue with me! If I said you were born beautiful, you were born beautiful. And that's that! ;-)


If you want a Google GMail account, FReepmail me.
They're going fast!

96 posted on 10/13/2005 10:32:58 AM PDT by rdb3 (Have you ever stopped to think, but forgot to start again?)
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To: RockinRight
OK here is the link. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1481137/posts?page=312#312

WARNING, OPEN LINK AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
1. May scare small children
2. May cause nightmares
3. May cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
4. JRBC is not liable for the above mentioned items.

97 posted on 10/13/2005 10:34:57 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: rdb3

See post # 97. Speaks for itself.


98 posted on 10/13/2005 10:36:14 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

1. Nope
2. Good dreams, not nightmares ;-)
3. Unless you're wild under the sheets, no
4. No problem.

I think you're cute, so there.


99 posted on 10/13/2005 10:36:42 AM PDT by RockinRight (I am beginning to think conservatism is buried somewhere under New Orleans mud...)
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To: RockinRight

I think it is time for an eye exam.


100 posted on 10/13/2005 10:38:09 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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