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V A N I T Y -HUMOR-Things to do at Wal-Mart while your partner is taking their sweet time:
Forwarded email | Today | A truely whacked mind

Posted on 10/13/2005 7:46:27 AM PDT by StJulian Perlmutter

 

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.   

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.   

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.   

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.   

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.   

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.   

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.   

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'   

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.   

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.   

12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.   

13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!   

14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!

And; last, but not least!   

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 


TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: humor; joke; laugh; levity; walmart
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To: MizSterious; StJulian Perlmutter

MizSterious:

PBBBTTTTTT :^P

I enjoyed the post. If anyone actually DID any of these, it'd just give'm something to talk about. I remember working at the IRS, a truly depressing job. Something silly was always a pickme up, whether it was an AT&T saleswoman describing herself as a "call girl," or encountering dependents named "Syd Phyllis" and "Gona-Rhea."


101 posted on 10/13/2005 10:41:42 AM PDT by dangus
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

All FReeper chicks are beautiful.

It's a given.

So there.


102 posted on 10/13/2005 10:42:17 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim (Now that taglines are cool, I refuse to have one.)
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To: Tijeras_Slim

Ah, I see you heeded the warning and did not open the link.


103 posted on 10/13/2005 10:45:24 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: StJulian Perlmutter

Sorry some have attacked your post in there knee jerk need to defend Wal-Mart rather than ATTEMPTING TO HAVE a sense of humor. I enjoyed it.


Thank you.


104 posted on 10/13/2005 10:45:53 AM PDT by trubluolyguy (Dude seriously, if you don't quit being so poor I'm gonna start huckin' rocks at ya!)
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To: cripplecreek

>> I like to buy things like condoms, duct tape, and Gatoraide. <<

Funny story:

I was moving and discovered I didn't have some of the equipment I needed. I was supposed to be gone by 9 AM that morning, so I was very rushed. At 7 AM, I showed up at the local Home Supply store, sweaty, and dressed in ratty old clothes (for moving), and asked "quick, I need masking tape, some rope, and a large knife."

The floor girl was slightly started, but cracked a smirk, so I added, "like it was someone YOU knew."


105 posted on 10/13/2005 10:46:10 AM PDT by dangus
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

Au contraire.


106 posted on 10/13/2005 10:48:25 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim (Now that taglines are cool, I refuse to have one.)
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To: Tijeras_Slim

You are a very brave man, Slim.


107 posted on 10/13/2005 10:50:14 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: dangus

When I was a younger man I was out late with my girlfriend and her friend. We stopped at the store so I could pick up a box of condoms, a carton of cigarettes, and a half gallon of Gatoraide.

The kid at the counter looked at me and the two girls and looked like he wanted to shake my hand.


108 posted on 10/13/2005 10:51:27 AM PDT by cripplecreek (Never a minigun handy when you need one.)
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To: oyez
You know, they cannot figure out how to bag my stuff properly, I damn sure don't want them near me with the Defibrillator.
109 posted on 10/13/2005 10:52:50 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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To: StJulian Perlmutter

Get on the intercom and say something crazy.

You simply go #96 on any phone and you are on.

Of course, this is rather juvenile, but you could do it.


110 posted on 10/13/2005 10:53:17 AM PDT by rwfromkansas (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rwfromkansas)
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To: HairOfTheDog

Well, not exactly NO-BODY. I'll admit to having done stuff remarkably similar to #s 1, 3, 5 and 10. And other stuff, like putting "Kosher" labels on the Polish Hams (offend 2 ethnic groups with one word!); hooking the lousdpeaker up to Pink Floyd, etc.

I did #15 at a voting booth... very obviously joking, though.

"Hey, there's no toilet paper in here."
"Very funny, sir."
"Well, you need to vote against incumbents sometimes for the same reason you need toilet paper."


111 posted on 10/13/2005 10:55:05 AM PDT by dangus
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To: MizSterious

Lighten up and get a sense of humor.


112 posted on 10/13/2005 10:55:10 AM PDT by rwfromkansas (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rwfromkansas)
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To: MarkeyD

lol


113 posted on 10/13/2005 10:57:00 AM PDT by rwfromkansas (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rwfromkansas)
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To: StJulian Perlmutter

oh my word man. I really, really, really needed a laugh like this this week.

Oh my gosh. :)


114 posted on 10/13/2005 10:59:25 AM PDT by rwfromkansas (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rwfromkansas)
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To: oyez

Getting help at Wal-Mart is more like running clear around the store just trying to find an actual employee.


115 posted on 10/13/2005 11:02:13 AM PDT by rwfromkansas (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rwfromkansas)
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To: dangus
"like it was someone YOU knew."

LOL!!!

116 posted on 10/13/2005 11:05:33 AM PDT by Dashing Dasher ( Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild.)
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To: dangus

lol!


117 posted on 10/13/2005 11:07:45 AM PDT by rwfromkansas (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rwfromkansas)
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To: dangus

LOL, no ROFLOL!!! I'll have to remember than one next time I'm moving house!


118 posted on 10/13/2005 11:08:37 AM PDT by Vor Lady (Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
Yeah, it does speak for itself. And you're still arguing?


If you want a Google GMail account, FReepmail me.
They're going fast!

119 posted on 10/13/2005 11:08:39 AM PDT by rdb3 (Have you ever stopped to think, but forgot to start again?)
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To: rdb3

I see it, and I think it is hideous.


120 posted on 10/13/2005 11:13:55 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
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