Posted on 03/26/2005 6:48:05 AM PST by Vision
Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Here's something from the great writers of our time...
These are all funny, but this one just about killed me!
I kinda like #s 10 and 14.
Excellent!
I haven't had a good laugh in way-too-long.
"3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
I'm assuming there was a word count requirement on this essay.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
In two short sentences Phil has been introduced and a mental picture has been formed. Brilliant!
I liked that one too.
Yeah, number 14 was a stitch, but I think that one is done by an extremely clever student trying to push the teacher over the edge. There are a couple like that.
"24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools."
It appears that the Simpsons is still polpular in the UK.
Thank you, I needed a chuckle this morning.
Brilliant
Surely a Pulitzer, or at least a NYTimes editorial position, is in this kid's future.
I'd say thanks for the chuckle but I think I may be the "Phil" mentioned in #20
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
Now compare with McBride fell off the building and landed with a thud One brings a strong visual and audio image the other is bland and flat. Sort of like potato soup with no salt.
This is great…from the mouths of babes.
I saw on a different post, someone has already snatched #20 as their new tagline.
It was pretty funny, I read this and then read the Ebola article and saw his tag line. LOL
bump
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