Posted on 03/24/2005 4:04:52 AM PST by Caipirabob
20 Best Excuses for Calling in Sick
By Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com EditorThe 2004 CCH Unscheduled Absence Survey, conducted for CCH by Harris Interactive®
· I was sprayed by a skunk.
· I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
· My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.
· I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.
· I forgot to come back to work after lunch.
· I couldn't find my shoes.
· I hurt myself bowling.
· I was spit on by a venomous snake.
· I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.
· A hitman was looking for me.
· My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.
· I eloped.
· My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.
· My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
· I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.
· I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India.
· I forgot what day of the week it was.
· Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
· A tree fell on my car.
· My monkey died.
Scary thought: I know people who have used these.
My favorite excuse is that I'm having vision problems. I just can't see going to work today.
Manager: "You have been missing work a lot."
Employee: "Well, I haven't exactly missed work."
And the Boss has the nerve to ask me
"Just how many Monkeys do you have?"
I can't come to work today because the voices are telling me to clean all of my guns.
This has actually happened to me. It was easier to just say I was sick than to explain it.
GROSS ALERT!!!
Phone rings at supervisor's desk, (me)...
Hello?
Yes?
Hi, this is "Mary"...I won't be into work today...
OK, are you sick?
I guess so, I was driving to work this morning and 'something black' fell out of me...
Oh?
Yeah, I'm going to the doctor now...
Turned out the lady had forgotton to remove a feminine hygiene product some weeks earlier...
Worker: I have anal glaucoma
Boss: What's anal glaucoma?
Worker: I just can't see my a$$ coming into work today.
What is the US Postal Service?
Many years ago I carpooled with a friend, John. We were going on day shift after 2 years on graveyards.
Monday, when I came to pick him up, he was still asleeep. I waited and we were 20 minutes late. Got a glare from the supervisor (who fortunately was a friend).
Tuesday, same routine, except that the supervisor called us in and warned us that if it happened again, we'd both be written up.
Wednesday, I woke him up again ... told him I'd check him later and I went on to work. When he came in the supervisor asked him why he was late and said "it better be good."
John told him that when he went to kiss his wife (who was pregnant at the time) goodbye, she threw up on him and he'd had to shower and change clothes .... the supervisor just shook his head and told him to get to work.
John is in upper management now.
I believe it. That was a very believable story.
I used to work with a guy who got stopped for not wearing his seat belt. He told the cop that he had it on, but he had the shoulder strap part of it underneath his armpit because of a pain in his shoulder and that he was on his way to the chiropractor.
He didn't get a ticket.
my cat has actually unplugged my alarm clock several times ... really!
Supervisor: You came in late everyday this week.
Slacking employee: Yes, but I compensated by leaving early
I couldn't get across the highway.
My little sister needed $5 and she was already at school and my mom babysits kids at the house and I didn't have $5, so I had to watch the kids while my mom took $5 to my little sister.
I had a flat tire.
The electricity went out (the day before) and my alarm clock didn't go off.
Oh, I guess I should mention he lives two minutes from work. Or less.
Mr. Melbell often tells me he wants to "call in slick"
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW...
there are some things you just can't un-read
Well you'll just have to stop spanking the monkey!
Ah.....OK......you can have the day off with pay. ;)
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