Manager: "You have been missing work a lot."
Employee: "Well, I haven't exactly missed work."
GROSS ALERT!!!
Phone rings at supervisor's desk, (me)...
Hello?
Yes?
Hi, this is "Mary"...I won't be into work today...
OK, are you sick?
I guess so, I was driving to work this morning and 'something black' fell out of me...
Oh?
Yeah, I'm going to the doctor now...
Turned out the lady had forgotton to remove a feminine hygiene product some weeks earlier...
Supervisor: You came in late everyday this week.
Slacking employee: Yes, but I compensated by leaving early