[Non-Sequitur]

My favorite excuse is that I'm having vision problems. I just can't see going to work today.

[IamConservative]

Manager: "You have been missing work a lot."

Employee: "Well, I haven't exactly missed work."

[rintense]

I'll take you one better.

Worker: I have anal glaucoma

Boss: What's anal glaucoma?

Worker: I just can't see my a$$ coming into work today.