Posted on 07/22/2004 9:41:30 AM PDT by condi2008
I probably shouldn't admit this to you younger readers, but when my generation was your age, we did some pretty stupid things. I'm talking about taking CRAZY risks. We drank water right from the tap. We used aspirin bottles that you could actually open with your bare hands. We bought appliances that were not festooned with helpful safety warnings such as, "DO NOT BATHE WITH THIS TOASTER."
But for sheer insanity, the wildest thing we did was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates.
I know, I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away, and a Jimi Hendrix record playing (a "record" was a primitive compact disc that operated by static electricity). And then, when the mood was right, somebody would say: "You wanna do some 'drates?" And the next thing you know, there'd be a bowl of pretzels going around, or crackers, or even potato chips, and we'd put these things into our mouths and just...EAT them.
I'm not proud of this. My only excuse was that we were ignorant.
It's not like now, when everybody knows how bad carbohydrates are, and virtually every product is advertised as being "low-carb," including beer, denture adhesives, floor wax, tires, life insurance and Viagra.
Back then, we had no idea. Nobody did! Our own MOTHERS gave us bread!
Today, of course, nobody eats bread. People are terrified of all carbohydrates, as evidenced by the recent mass robbery at a midtown Manhattan restaurant, where 87 patrons turned their wallets over to a man armed only with a strand of No. 8 spaghetti. ("Do what he says! He has pasta!") The city of Beverly Hills has been evacuated twice this month because of reports - false, thank heavens - that terrorists had put a bagel in the water supply.
But as I say, in the old days we didn't recognize the danger of carbohydrates. We believed that the reason you got fat was from eating "calories," which are tiny units of measurement that cause food to taste good. When we wanted to lose weight, we went on low-calorie diets in which we ate only inedible foods such as celery, which is actually a building material, and grapefruit, which is nutritious but offers the same level of culinary satisfaction as chewing on an Odor Eater.
The problem with the low-calorie diet was that a normal human could stick to it for, at most, four hours, at which point he or she would have no biological choice but to sneak out to the garage and snork down an entire bag of Snickers, sometimes without removing the wrappers. So nobody lost weight, and everybody felt guilty all the time. Many people, in desperation, turned to disco.
But then along came the bold food pioneer who invented the Atkins Diet: Dr. Something Atkins. After decades of research on nutrition and weight gain - including the now-famous Hostess Ding Dong Diet Experiment, which resulted in a laboratory rat the size of a minivan - Dr. Atkins discovered an amazing thing: Calories don't matter! What matter are carbohydrates.
Dr. Atkins' discovery meant that - incredible though it seemed - as long as you avoided carbohydrates, you could, without guilt, eat high-fat, high-calorie foods such as cheese, bacon, lard, pork rinds and whale. You could eat an entire pig, as long as the pig had not recently been exposed to bread.
At first, like other groundbreaking pioneers such as Galileo and Eminem, Dr. Atkins met with skepticism, even hostility. The low-calorie foods industry went after him big time. The Celery Growers Association hired a detective to - yes - stalk him. His car tires were repeatedly slashed by what police determined to be shards of Melba toast.
But Dr. Atkins persisted, because he had a dream - a dream that, some day, he would help the human race by selling it 427 million diet books. And he did, achieving vindication for his diet before his tragic demise in an incident that the autopsy report listed as "totally unrelated to the undigested 28-pound bacon cheeseburger found in his stomach."
But the Atkins Diet lives on, helping millions of Americans to lose weight. The irony is, you can't tell this by looking at actual Americans, who have, as a group, become so heavy that North America will soon be underwater as far inland as Denver. Which can only mean one thing: You people are still sneaking Snickers. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Got any more?
Don't bogart those 'drates, my friend...
lol.........according to the food guide pyramid, aren't we supposed to be eating 8 servings of carbohydrates a day?
I don't eat the Atkins way, so how come I'm not overweight? Oh, I know. I don't overeat and I exercise.
How exquisitely obnoxious of you to say! That is all these folks you belittle are trying to do: not overeat, and exercise.
This is a funny article.... and it's more true than satirical!
I know, I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away, and a Jimi Hendrix record playing (a "record" was a primitive compact disc that operated by static electricity). And then, when the mood was right, somebody would say: "You wanna do some 'drates?"
Dooooood...'draaaaates!
Funny article you might enjoy about the War on 'Drates!
Jen too.... I ferget who all is doin' this thing.
Seems like just about everybody these days, doesn't it?
I'll keep doing it as long as it works... been on it for about 16 months now and it's done wonders.
LOL! Why is it the better something is for you, the worse it tastes?
Yeah - I have seen that in you, and ecurbh and all the other folks that have done it.
I get a little nonplussed listening to Rosie and 2J talking about buying flax seed and whatnot, because I don't ever want to live that way measuring amounts of carbs in things that sortof resemble flour. But when I ~do~ get to where I am actually tired enough of being pudgy to do something, I know more about it than I did before.
But I get even more nonplussed at skinny people who eat whatever they want and scoff at those who pack on pounds easier. I was hard as nails no matter what I ate too, till I hit 30. I am looking more like my Norwegian roots now ;~D
I know I'll always struggle with my weight...my mother always did, bless her heart. And even five years ago, when I was VERY active, I was never tiny. I never will be. But at least now I have hope that I'm not doomed to getting heavier year after year.
I don't count carbs. And the carb counting is one of the things that made Atkins unattractive to me. But I'm happy with South Beach, since it's very unrestrictive.
2J has done a lot more experimentation than I, partly because Atkins is more strict (I can do whole wheat and such), but you don't HAVE to do anything that fancy! We just like to cook.
But in it's most basic form, it doesn't have to be complicated at all.
Yeah - I think I could do it in simpler form. I am just never gonna be that scientific about it.... just try a little common sense.
One can just eat meat and broccoli... that's Atkins, I think...
It's only like that 'till you reach your goals. By then you'll have a feel for what foods are appropriate for your needs and you don't have to do so much *measuring*. I hate measuring. I'm a dash-o-this, pinch-o-that, pour-till-it-looks-right kinda gal.
Over time we've accumulated a whole heap of recipes that we like and that suit our needs. No counting or measuring. You'll also develop different habits when planning meals. I used to prepare pasta for side dishes (ok, ok, main dishes) routinely but now the thought doesn't even occur to me because I've discovered so many other alternatives.
I gave up on flax seed ages ago.
Can't stand the stuff.
But being told "Here is the list of foods you can eat. Mix 'em up however you want." works pretty well for me.
I DO like flax seed cereal and pancakes!
LOL!!! Oh Hair!!! How long have we been friends?? You should know by now that all my obsessive nitpicky measuring and fretting is purely just my nature!
You don't have to do it that way and really, most the time, I don't anymore, when preparing things for Steve...the only time I really obsessed on measuring was his first two weeks. And like Lil' says...after a while you get a feel for it.
I measure and put the carb counts only for reference...when giving someone a recipe.
I read this article a ways back...really funny. We love this diet...
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.