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Defiant Trump Nails Copy Of ‘The Art Of The Deal’ To Vatican Door
Babylon Bee ^ | 04/14/2026 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 04/14/2026 2:17:49 PM PDT by DFG

VATICAN CITY — President Donald Trump escalated his feud with Pope Leo this morning, nailing a copy of The Art of the Deal to the door of the Vatican.

"Here I stand, and can do no other," declared Trump as he drove the nail into the Vatican door. "My conscience is captive to making the best deals. If the haters and losers like Pope Leo can't handle that, too bad. I cannot and will not recant anything about the elements of the deal and why I make the best deals of anyone."

A crowd of onlookers stood in stunned silence as Trump finished securing the book, then rushed forward to read the president's theses. "Listen to this part," said bystander Mattia Russo. "Trump writes, 'I like thinking big. I always have. To me, it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big.' Oh man, the pope is so cooked."

According to sources within the Vatican, the clergy had descended into open warfare, with some clerics sticking by the pope, but many siding with Trump and his The Art of the Deal. "Face it. You read Trump's theses, and you realize that the pope is WEAK and SOFT," said Cardinal Tom Burchett. "I read this excerpt this morning: 'I don't do it for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it.' Now that is strength, folks. The pope doesn't have it."

At publishing time, President Trump had refused to back down after the pope had condemned his theses, declaring, "To go against conscience is neither right nor safe, and only losers do it."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: artofthedeal; babylonbee; bestdealsofanyone; donaldluther; humor; idoittodoit; ilikethinkingbig; leo; loveit; makingthebestdeals; martinluthertrump; martintrump; martintrumper; pope; popebob; vatican

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1 posted on 04/14/2026 2:17:49 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Laughed right out loud. Go BEE!


2 posted on 04/14/2026 2:20:58 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: DFG

Now that’s funny!


3 posted on 04/14/2026 2:21:22 PM PDT by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: DFG

Came real close to spewing coffee over this one!


4 posted on 04/14/2026 2:25:12 PM PDT by bigbob (We are all Charlie Kirk now)
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To: DFG

5 posted on 04/14/2026 2:34:19 PM PDT by dayglored (This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24)
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To: DFG

All those Cardinals picked an American pope so that their leftist ideals could get a wider reception in America. I’m still not interested.


6 posted on 04/14/2026 2:49:34 PM PDT by Nateman (Democrats did not strive for fraud friendly voting merely to continue honest elections.)
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To: DFG

Wait...
.
What?


7 posted on 04/14/2026 2:51:15 PM PDT by Big Red Badger (Resist Satan's Tyranny )
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To: DFG

😂


8 posted on 04/14/2026 2:51:44 PM PDT by PGalt (Past Peak Civilization?)
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To: DFG

Just the title, first sentence is almost insane hilarious ..


9 posted on 04/14/2026 3:02:20 PM PDT by A strike (miss Rush but miss CharlieKirk 10x more)
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To: DFG

The Bee getting back to its religious parody roots. My first Bee article was about a Calvinist dog explaining to his owner again that no one can be a “good boy” because we are all stained by sin.


10 posted on 04/14/2026 3:13:48 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Dept. of Education should teach about Nietzsche: DOGE didn't kill it and now it's stronger than ever)
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To: Sacajaweau

“Laughed right out loud. Go BEE!”

My reaction EXACTLY. It IS quite brilliant!


11 posted on 04/14/2026 3:27:59 PM PDT by Spaceman49
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To: DFG

Ha haaaaaas!!! 👏 👏 👏 🏆 🏅


12 posted on 04/14/2026 4:28:54 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. )
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To: dayglored

👍


13 posted on 04/14/2026 5:30:28 PM PDT by griswold3 (Truth, Beauty and Goodness)
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