Posted on 05/23/2022 3:08:52 PM PDT by DFG
NEW YORK, NY—After the spectre of another pandemic was raised by shocking reports of a new monkeypox strain, Pfizer announced they coincidentally finished their monkeypox vaccine yesterday.
"Wow, an unusually contagious variant of an old virus with unknown origins? Gee, that's strange!" said Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla. "Well as luck would have it, our ten-year project to create a monkeypox vaccine coincided perfectly with the first cases showing up, just in time for our Q2 earnings report - er, I mean, just in time to save the world!"
According to sources within Pfizer, Dr. Anthony Fauci had awarded a Chinese lab an NIH grant a decade ago to begin researching how to make monkeypox more contagious. "I was so confused why we were intentionally making a virus more dangerous," said researcher Charles Long. "But Fauci would always say something to the effect of 'do what I say or I'll torture your dog', so we went along with it."
The U.S. government has already secured a contract for 500 million monkeypox vaccine doses, which will soon be required to hold a job or buy groceries. Clinical trial data from Pfizer showed the vaccine greatly reduced rates of hospitalization, although they did report trial participants developed an overwhelming urge to go to the zoo. In rare cases, vaccine recipients began eating bushels of bananas and flinging poo at people, but Pfizer believes these were unrelated to the vaccine.
At the time of publication, Anthony Fauci was spotted at the Bronx Zoo high-fiving a macaque.
The COCID/Monkeypox Collection ,LOL
I read it a couple times....then checked...The BEE stung me.
I was clicking on the headline to respond when I saw it was the Bee. Good one.
With the new technologies, they can complete a vaccine very quick. Depending on what you mean by “complete”. Testing it and ensuring it is safe, or at least safer than the threat, is the hard part.
Monkeypox is endemic in Africa, so they could have already had it on the shelf.
They are already using the smallpox vaccination to decrease the intensity of symptoms in this in infected people.
I would guess that most people in the US who came along before the late 1970s may have residual defenses against it anyway.
Me too. Tells you all you need to know about the total corruption of every facet of government and industry that this headline was perfectly believable.
I know this is satire, but it’s not far from the truth…
In 2019, a company called SIGA Technologies announced a promotion agreement for TPOXX, its smallpox/monkeypox drug, with Meridian Medical Technologies owned by Pfizer.
And in November 2021…
Up to Approximately $113 Million of Oral TPOXX® Targeted for Delivery to the U.S. Government in the Fourth Quarter - Form 8-K
How conveniant!
You’ll be fine unless you drop your soap in a gym shower.
Another trillion dollars in profit just in time.
Well they can make a “date” and inject it as needed.
Apparently, not quickly enough for the COVID variants. The only “vaccine” was the one that started it all.
Wow, what amazing timing. Couldnt have planned it any better.
Big Pharma cashing in on the millions they paid to get dimwhit elected.
You do realize that this is the Babylon Bee, don’t you?
I’m starting to think we need a *(satire)* label included in these titles...
Most of these conspiracies strike me as overheated but this…this is a bit much.
Be the first one on your block to be jabbed for Monkey Pox...
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