Washington NFL Team Gets New Name [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 July 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

After years of pressure, the Washington Redskins National Football League team has agreed to change its name. As compensation for the loss of value of the team's inventory of trademarked gear, the team will be renamed the Washington Senators and be granted the privilege of employing a filibuster play in all home games. Once the Senators' team captain or head coach notifies the referee that the team is calling for the filibuster play the ball may not be snapped unless 60% of the players on the field agree to allow the ball to be snapped.

Head Coach Ron Rivera says "I would only call for a filibuster if we are leading by a small margin late in the game. Admittedly, this play would not be very exciting in itself, but a win is a win."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=408613.0

[dp0622]

Lol

The Senators. The jokes write themselves

[rovenstinez]

Funny that BOMBSHELL news lasted only about 54 minutes. The NFL is full to the brim with this style of conduct.

[Steely Tom]

I bet they’re going to go with “The Team,” or “The Team Formerly Known As The Redskins,” or something along those lines.

[Viking2002]

This team had deteriorated beneath and beyond farce, but so has the league. And pro sports. And society.

Western Civilization, it was good to know ye.

[adorno]

Washington Blackskins.

Most players in the NFL are black, and most residents in Washington DC are black, so, who would be against Blackskins?

The only issue is with the first name, Washington. Washington is being excoriated presently, just like many other founding fathers. So, the team could simply be called: the DC Blackskins. If ‘black’ is offensive to anyone, then, simply name them “DC Skins”.

[LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget]

They are going to keep the skins part. They will be known as the Washington Foreskins.

[tinyowl]

Yes, Washington is out.

District Of the District-Formerly-Known-as-Columbia Felons.

[steel_resolve]

Washington pussy hats

[zaxtres]

The Washington Senators was an actual professional baseball team from 1901 to 1960.

[rfp1234]

The Supremes. They will wear black robes as uniforms, and the QB will wear a doily in honor of RBG.

[WalterSkinner]

..it has probably been noted already, but I guess the state of Oklahoma will be on the target list soon.

Oklahoma means "red people"in the Choctaw language.

Of course that doesn't fit the narrative very well--Native Americans referring to themselves as red people...

[Auslander154]

“The Team” sounds good.

If I were the owner I wouldn’t pick a name at all.
There is something wrong with every name out there. Even the Rangers now.

Is it written in NFL law that a team has to have a name or mascot apart from the name of the city?

How about the Washington Washingtons?

[poconopundit]

Don't have a good name yet for the Washington football team, but I think we've got a good start from Ben Garrison's best Washington meme of all time (on Google images).

Now, what do you call that creature coming out of the D.C. Swamp?!

[dp0622]

I remember when it was foremost a sport

[poconopundit]

"The Team Formerly Known As The Redskins." Sounds like a splendid name for the age of MeToo and I-Am-an-Oppressed-Victim age. Alas, I looked up the derivation of the word "Team" and this is what I found:

Team: Borrowed from English team, from Middle English teme, from Old English tēam (“child-bearing, offspring, brood, set of draught animals”)

Be careful, the Washington Post is already on this sexist story :- )

[adorno]

So....

The DC Swamp?

Or...

DC Swamp Creatures?

[Songcraft]

The Washington Cowgirls.  (Bullgirls?)

[gogeo]

Kat Timpf suggests the keep the name but use a potato as the mascot. Excellent idea.

[poconopundit]

Thanks, Adorno. Here's another meme for this topic... /sarc